Strong Holds: Strengthening Your Relationships

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

We all want healthy and rewarding relationships, and we’ve all heard about the importance of forging them. Not only are strong bonds good for us emotionally but, they are also good for us physically. And, that includes friendships too.

And, part of every good (or “bad”) relationship is a relationship story, which is made up of the experiences and events that occur within the relationship, and which often define it. And, while you may think you have little influence or say in how your relationships unfold, experts asserts that you “can” shape them to a great degree. But, you’ll need to follow the rules.

Rules To Live By:

1. Keep in mind that communication is key Hidden assumptions and implicit expectation can really damage a good thing, So, it’s up to you to each individual involved to keep it clear and candid.

2. Agree To Disagree: We all seem to accept other’s who have a different taste in food, clothes, etc, but when it comes to certain other things, we just can’t accept individual differences. Remember, that unless it completely violates your moral fiber, you don’t have to agree with the other’s point of view, you can simply choose to respect it your differences. And, always make sure to be courteous when it comes to other’s opinions.

3. Learn To Listen: Don’t pretend to listen. Actually pay attention to what your friend, colleague, etc is saying, even if you vehemently disagree. And, even if they are rambling on, give them the courtesy of finishing their thought before throwing in your 2 cents or excusing yourself and walking away

The 7 “Pleasure” Principals Of Positive Relationships:

1. Note and accept that each individual is different and has his/her own point of view. Communication set the stage for expressing ourselves and establishing a common ground to understand varying viewpoints.

2. Remember, what someone believes is often more important than what they know.

3. A response (to you) out of necessity is rarely genuine and typically unauthentic. So, allow others to respond to you on their own terms, it has more impact and meaning that way.

4. What you don’t do is as important as what you “do” do.

5. Avoid a conflict by addressing issues that may spur one on.

6. Resolving issues when they arise is imperative for a healthy relationship. Disagreements are fine, but leaving an open wound is not.

7. Do not make a healthy relationship contingent on the other person’s behavior and changing it. Focus instead on your end of the deal and improving yourself. Also make your happiness contingent on you.

Relationship Strategies:

· Learn From Mistakes: The only way to not repeat the past and by leaning from it, and making conscious attempts to not repeat old behaviors or patterns.

· Psych Yourself Up: Get mentally and emotionally prepared for you next encounter/relationship. You may even jot down on paper they type of mistakes you’d like to avoid and the type of relationship you’d like to create. You may also want to examine a relationship you admire or was a positive one in the past and see what makes it work.

· Practice Makes Perfect: Put the above rules and principles into practice on a daily basis. From how you relate at work to how you relate at home, try to be the one that either forges to create new relationships or tries to improve upon existing ones.

· Test Yourself: Examine the state of your current relationships and take into account what you would like from the other party as well as what YOU can contribute. You may also want to note what this relationship has to offer you, if anything at all, and if it’s worth working on and/or holding on to.

· Take Action: Next time you’re in a “sticky situation, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see how he/she may be feeling, before reacting or over-reacting. Also, listen to what he/she is saying without being too eager to make your point. Keep in mind if you’re both listening both will be heard.