Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go: The Power Of Forgiveness

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

I constantly hear couples joke about arguing just so they can make up. And, you know what they say, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And, apparently some very sexy couples are turning up the heat in the boudoir.

Personally, I simply don’t get it. While I’m not necessarily big on harboring grudges, I certainly and most definitely need some time to calm down and cool off. After all, if I’m truly disappointed with your or angered at your actions or behaviour, the LAST thing I want to do is get close. In fact, the further away from DH the better.

Let’s face it asking me or my DH to put our feelings and frustrations aside and move on, especially toward the bedroom, is even more frustrating and infuriating. It’s like pretending the disagreement actually got resolved (sufficiently) or never happened.

Then again, experts assert that holding on to “hostility” won’t solve or improve matters either. And, they add, sex is a much better outlet for pent up anxiety than yelling and screaming. But, when it comes to “forgiving and forgetting”, they suggest the following:

Forgiveness is NOT:

· Forgetting: In fact, they suggest trying to remember what you fought about and how you handled it so that you don’t repeat unpleasant mistakes…and so that you can handle matters more appropriately in the future.

· Martyrdom: While you can forgive someone for his or her mistakes, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be a repeated victim of the same “crime”. Make sure you work it out, including ways to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

· Blind Trust of Faith: Use past examples to decide on whether you can believe or trust what the person is saying and don’t just go by what they are saying at the heated moment.

· A Road To Reconciliation: Depending on what the person did and how often he or she acts or reacts in this manner, it’s your call on weather or not to have anything to do with this person again.

· Settling For Status Quo: In order to effectively move forward, you’ll both have to decide on how to change behaviours, responses, and reactions based on the transgression…and it has to work and be good for both of you.

The Roadblocks To Forgiving:

1. First you need to let go of the notion that others MUST apologize. You can, although you may not want to associate with them again, choose to let go of your “anger” and move on for your well being NOT theirs.
2. Stop feeling like your letting them get away with something. You can still demand action for ways in which you were wronged and fight for your rights, while still choosing to forgive.

3. Let go of the notion that forgiving is a way of condoning. You can object to the treatment or action but still choose to forgive.

4. Stop telling yourself that by showing forgiveness you are demonstrating that the transgression was “negligible”. Experts assert that taking action shows you’re willing to do something about the situation and that you care. Holding a grudge, on the other hand, only tends to hurt you.

The “healing’ powers of forgiveness:

· According to experts, forgiving is a conscious choice that gives you self-empowerment, demonstrating self-control, compassion, and tolerance.

· Forgiveness take practice but becomes easier with time