If you've lost a parent but not through death

How do you explain it to people?

I know this is very far off from me, but it breaks my heart to think about having to explain this to a child. When I was born both of my grandfathers had died, but my family told me about them and how much they would have loved me,etc. How do I tell a kid "Grandpa didn't want to be my daddy anymore"? They might think THEIR daddy will leave them. Do you just lie and say they're dead?

Sorry this is a random thing to be bothering me at 2am, but it's hard sometimes.

Re: If you've lost a parent but not through death

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice other than I would not lie and say the person is dead. My biological father (aka the sperm donor) abandoned my mother and I when I was 1 year old. While certain family members thought my mother should tell me that he went off to Vietnam and died, she did not want that lie to kick her in the azz later in on life should he decide to try to contact me. Well, lo and behold when I was 24 he tracked me down and wrote to me. While I don't have the best relationship with my mother, I would have lost all trust and respect for her, had she listened to everyone's advice when I was a baby.

While he is a real dirtbag, my mother never once bad mouthed him to me in case the situation above arose and I wanted to have a relationship with him (which I don't) Then again, I never asked any questions growing up, it never occured to me to ask about him.

Re: If you've lost a parent but not through death

we no longer speak to my father. I was speaking to my father when my dd was first born and I have many pictures of them together. She has no words to describe him. I show her, her 'precious baby book' and there are pictures of him and his girlfriend in there and she doesn't know who it is. If she asks for now I would tell her that is Mommy's daddy and leave it at that. If she asks when she gets older I will just tell her that we do not speak to mommy's daddy and as she got older and older if she questioned more I would explain it in more detail. I would also just reinforce that what happened had nothing to do with her (because she there are pictures of them together).

It's not a conversation that I look forward to having but I will when necessary.

Re: If you've lost a parent but not through death

I have not talked to my father in years. I am not even sure whether he knows I am married and just had a child. If he knows it would be from my siblings but I doubt they said anything.

I will not lie to DS. Grandpa is actually my mom's husband of 8 years. He will know about my dad and that's it.

Re: If you've lost a parent but not through death

I havent spoke to my father in a long time I dont even remember the last time maybe last year for 1 minute anyway my kids are constantly telling me they miss him and I also dont know what to tell them b/c it breaks my heart to talk about him I love him but I guess he just doesnt like kids I dont know