so how are you coping??

i am trying to find ways to be at peace and have closure.. although i know it will be with me forever.. sometimes i feel like i am a mommy...but nothing to show for it

i try so hard to stay positive, i have my good days and bad.. my main focus is to stay relaxed and stress-free.. i am trying SO hard

Re: so how are you coping??

It's been 5 months, I'm coping better than I had been. I still can't let go of the sono's I have. They are in the bottom of my jewelery box.

Sometimes I feel like I'll never be a mother, it will never happen for me. Sometimes I am filled with hope.

Today, I have both. After 3 losses in 18 months, I'm a little jaded.

Re: so how are you coping??

Posted by MetsGirl07

i am trying to find ways to be at peace and have closure.. although i know it will be with me forever.. sometimes i feel like i am a mommy...but nothing to show for it

i try so hard to stay positive, i have my good days and bad.. my main focus is to stay relaxed and stress-free.. i am trying SO hard

Message edited 9/17/2008 3:14:53 PM.

Re: so how are you coping??

In the beginning I found myself staring at pregnant bellies with envy or babies in carriages. Then I would think wow! I cant believe this. My husband would catch me and throw me a smile and much needed hug.

I've had longer to recover, but I still have moments.

Little baby girls get me, because I know my second miscarriage was a girl.

My DH's friend just had a little girl last week, Dh says "they said we can come over and see her anytime this week."

I actually got anxious and upset thinking about seeing that little girl in a little pink outfit in a bassinet. I said "no rush, I'm sure they have a ton of company right now." because I couldn't admit it.

Re: so how are you coping??

Posted by daisy32

Posted by MetsGirl07

i am trying to find ways to be at peace and have closure.. although i know it will be with me forever.. sometimes i feel like i am a mommy...but nothing to show for it

i try so hard to stay positive, i have my good days and bad.. my main focus is to stay relaxed and stress-free.. i am trying SO hard

I dont think any of us will ever really get over having a m/c. Its such a heart wrenching experience. I remembering describing it to someone like this: its like someone handed me a gift and said "Here are all your dreams come true" then turned around took the gift back right away and said "...oh wait wrong person sorry"

Re: so how are you coping??

Re: so how are you coping??

Posted by MetsGirl07

Posted by daisy32

Posted by MetsGirl07

i am trying to find ways to be at peace and have closure.. although i know it will be with me forever.. sometimes i feel like i am a mommy...but nothing to show for it

i try so hard to stay positive, i have my good days and bad.. my main focus is to stay relaxed and stress-free.. i am trying SO hard

I dont think any of us will ever really get over having a m/c. Its such a heart wrenching experience. I remembering describing it to someone like this: its like someone handed me a gift and said "Here are all your dreams come true" then turned around took the gift back right away and said "...oh wait wrong person sorry"

wow..that is so true... i would have never thought of it this way... great analogy.. i guess we all felt this way

Re: so how are you coping??

Posted by daisy32

Posted by MetsGirl07

i am trying to find ways to be at peace and have closure.. although i know it will be with me forever.. sometimes i feel like i am a mommy...but nothing to show for it

i try so hard to stay positive, i have my good days and bad.. my main focus is to stay relaxed and stress-free.. i am trying SO hard

I dont think any of us will ever really get over having a m/c. Its such a heart wrenching experience. I remembering describing it to someone like this: its like someone handed me a gift and said "Here are all your dreams come true" then turned around took the gift back right away and said "...oh wait wrong person sorry"
I have to say though it has gotten easier with time. I try to rely on faith and remind myself that God knows what He's doing

Re: so how are you coping??

Posted by IrishLass

Posted by MetsGirl07

Posted by daisy32

Posted by MetsGirl07

i am trying to find ways to be at peace and have closure.. although i know it will be with me forever.. sometimes i feel like i am a mommy...but nothing to show for it

i try so hard to stay positive, i have my good days and bad.. my main focus is to stay relaxed and stress-free.. i am trying SO hard

I dont think any of us will ever really get over having a m/c. Its such a heart wrenching experience. I remembering describing it to someone like this: its like someone handed me a gift and said "Here are all your dreams come true" then turned around took the gift back right away and said "...oh wait wrong person sorry"

wow..that is so true... i would have never thought of it this way... great analogy.. i guess we all felt this way

This is exactly what I feel like! And it's so hard b/c some people just don't get it. I was invited to my cousin's wife baby shower (I'm not close) - I declined to come, I do have ther plans, but I'm just not up to a shower right now, I would've had my baby in early November and maybe my shower would've been now. My Dad called me when he found out I wasn't going and gave me a little crap about it. I told him I had other plans and said, do you realize that I SHOULD BE having MY SON at the same time????? He said he thought I was over that by now. HELLO? Just because I don't cry everyday anymore doesn't mean I'm over it and the fact we would have been due the same week doesn't help me.

Re: so how are you coping??

OMG. If one more person after the last m/c said to me "oh, it wasn't meant to be", I was going to smack them. And "you'll have another one" just killed me. "F" that!! I WANTED THIS ONE!!

Of course, now I'm much calmer about it, but when you are dealing with it at the time, it's hard to keep hearing it over and over. I understand people are trying to be supportive and sometimes they just don't know what to say.

Re: so how are you coping??

I went through all the stages of grieving....ANGER, Saddness, Resentment........... I let myself feel teh pain for my loss because it was real and I didn't want to deny it........

I took a lot of classes in College on Native American Women and now story that ALWAYS clearly stood out in my mind is of the "Spirit Babies"

THere are Native American Indian tribes that believe that women all have babies that are to be predestined to them...their "spirit babies" they circle above them in their "aura or spirit". These babies arent a specific gender but individual spirits.

When a woman sustains a loss it is because nature did not intend for that spirit baby to enter the world at that particular time adn that baby goes back into circulation with all teh other "spirit babies"but will be placed at the front of the line.

Essentiallly the belief is that you do not loose that baby but it is held until the time is right.............

To some it may seem like a silly story when thinking about religioin etc. But after my MC it let me move on and not look at my MC as a complete loss but simply a postponement for the future..............................

Re: so how are you coping??

Re: so how are you coping??

Posted by BABYMAMA13

Posted by Blissful

I went through all the stages of grieving....ANGER, Saddness, Resentment........... I let myself feel teh pain for my loss because it was real and I didn't want to deny it........

I took a lot of classes in College on Native American Women and now story that ALWAYS clearly stood out in my mind is of the "Spirit Babies"

THere are Native American Indian tribes that believe that women all have babies that are to be predestined to them...their "spirit babies" they circle above them in their "aura or spirit". These babies arent a specific gender but individual spirits.

When a woman sustains a loss it is because nature did not intend for that spirit baby to enter the world at that particular time adn that baby goes back into circulation with all teh other "spirit babies"but will be placed at the front of the line.

Essentiallly the belief is that you do not loose that baby but it is held until the time is right.............

To some it may seem like a silly story when thinking about religioin etc. But after my MC it let me move on and not look at my MC as a complete loss but simply a postponement for the future..............................

i love that story. i cant wait for my spirit baby to return.

Re: so how are you coping??

Its been 3 years since my loss and I still think of my little one every day. It truly is a loss of a loved one....

Re: so how are you coping??

for my first pregnancy my friend got me a journal- I was so excited- i journaled all the time. even after the loss for a while-
for the second- i did not journal until after the loss when i was placing the sonopic in there- - Consolation came at winthrop the day before the dnc- when they rushed me over there to register- one nurse said how she lost 2 before her born children, the other how she lost 4-

.... I got so sick of hearing it just wasnt the right time...or my mom saying to me it took 5 years of trying to have me- which i would reply- "mom you already had my sister, its different when you have ONE already".....

the best consolation came from the psychics I saw- I went once last year-a couple years after my second loss. She told me that the two baby spirits were still there, that they were going to wait for me, that one was a boy the other a girl but they would not tell her which order they were coming in.....fast forward to this year- I went again in June 1 year later- different psychic, different state altogether- without me saying a word- she pulls up all these pregnancy cards- tells me it will be very soon, and that i dont have medical problems- tells me she see's 5 but stops at 3, and tells me i was meant to go through loss....(5-2=3).. tells me how I am meant to be a mother....... it just felt good having hope again