I know Im the adult....UPDATE

...But do you ever feel like "why do I even bother?"..

I mean...of course I know WHY I bother. But I just get shot down each and every time...

It's so stupid really...The older one wants a pair of red and a pair of purple skinny jeans which she has been unable to find. I found the make of said skinny jeans...found where they are sold...showed them to her online...we are going this afternoon to buy them etc...

All I get is a "that's nice" in a whatever tone (you know the tone)...

UPDATE:

Soooo...DH can read me like a book and knew that something was troubling me earlier today. I told him that it was very frustrating that no matter what I do neither one of the girls ever get excited about anything..They honestly do the same thing to him too.

He told her (nicely) that here she has a step mother who loves her and is trying to have a relationship with her and could she please cut me some slack.

I dont know if it did any good but at least him and I are on the same page...

Message edited 11/8/2008 7:23:52 PM.

Re: I know Im the adult....

I know the feeling all too well... This past June was her sweet 16. Her mother told her that she couldn't even afford to buy her a gift I took it upon myself to throw her a party (nothing huge, just in my house) but I went out, got all types of decorations and things to make it special. She never even acknowliged it and then at the end of the night said, "thanks, DAD"

I KNOW the tone! We continue to do it 1) because it IS the right thing to do 2) because we know it makes our DH's happy and 3) because we hope that one day when they are older they will remember these things and appreciate them, eventually.

Keep your head up

Re: I know Im the adult....

i know the tone but remember deep down inside past the guilt that they harbor for loving us they are thanking us for all we do and knowing that bm wouldn't do it for them. at least my sk's bm wouldn't have done it for them. you're doing a great job. don't get discouraged!!

Re: I know Im the adult....

I know the tone all to well too........sometimes I feel the same way you do, but in the end I know it makes DH happy and I know that I did the right thing and noone can ever say that I don't try.

What I have done once or twice before in the past when I have gotten that attitude is I have said "keep up that attitude and we go nowhere" and it sometimes will change her tune and suddenly she becomes "nice" If the attitude continues, I really will say "we are not going" or "you are not getting....." and I won't give in.

GL

Re: I know Im the adult....UPDATE

Wow! Sounds just like a page out of my book! I know exactly how you feel. Just hang in there, and keep being nice!

Re: I know Im the adult....UPDATE

Try to hang in there- it will all be worth it one day

Re: I know Im the adult....UPDATE

Good for DH!!! Hope it helps!

Re: I know Im the adult....UPDATE

Posted by hbugal

...But do you ever feel like "why do I even bother?"..

I mean...of course I know WHY I bother. But I just get shot down each and every time...

It's so stupid really...The older one wants a pair of red and a pair of purple skinny jeans which she has been unable to find. I found the make of said skinny jeans...found where they are sold...showed them to her online...we are going this afternoon to buy them etc...

All I get is a "that's nice" in a whatever tone (you know the tone)...

UPDATE:

Soooo...DH can read me like a book and knew that something was troubling me earlier today. I told him that it was very frustrating that no matter what I do neither one of the girls ever get excited about anything..They honestly do the same thing to him too.

He told her (nicely) that here she has a step mother who loves her and is trying to have a relationship with her and could she please cut me some slack.

I dont know if it did any good but at least him and I are on the same page...

Message edited 11/10/2008 9:13:29 AM.

Re: I know Im the adult....UPDATE

i have this same problem with DD and my DH... her step-father. she can be really difficult for him sometimes..... it's hard to watch it... i love both of them so much, so seeing them having trouble getting along is so hard for me...

Re: I know Im the adult....UPDATE

Posted by AnaMaree77

Posted by hbugal

...But do you ever feel like "why do I even bother?"..

I mean...of course I know WHY I bother. But I just get shot down each and every time...

It's so stupid really...The older one wants a pair of red and a pair of purple skinny jeans which she has been unable to find. I found the make of said skinny jeans...found where they are sold...showed them to her online...we are going this afternoon to buy them etc...

All I get is a "that's nice" in a whatever tone (you know the tone)...

UPDATE:

Soooo...DH can read me like a book and knew that something was troubling me earlier today. I told him that it was very frustrating that no matter what I do neither one of the girls ever get excited about anything..They honestly do the same thing to him too.

He told her (nicely) that here she has a step mother who loves her and is trying to have a relationship with her and could she please cut me some slack.

I dont know if it did any good but at least him and I are on the same page...

That is really great that DH is taking your side, I think that is SO important.

Have you ever taken SD out by yourself for a "girls day" to bond with her? Maybe tell her you have a surprise for her and take her out to get her nails done, go for lunch and then hit the mall. I think you should show her that you are not only her father's wife (ahh COMPETITION) but also a PERSON who she can feel comfortable with. I think it's so important to develop a relationship with your SK's OUTSIDE of their relationship with their father. Show them you are there for them as a person, not only because of their dad. I think this changes the dynamics a little bit, KWIM?