"Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

I am almost scared to post this but it's been on my mind, and I need to get it out to some people who mgiht understand!

DH and I are waiting to have kids for several reasons. We are hoping to start next year. I have wanted to be a mom FOREVER, since I was a child. I'm almost 33, so the clock is ticking.

But it suddenly seems like EVERYONE is pregnant. In the past 3 months, 5 people I know have gotten pregnant!! What kills me is that a few are not in a good position to have a baby... unsupportive and failing relationships, no job, immaturity... just... Sometimes it's hard to deal that DH and I are trying to be responsible but why are THEY pregnant when DH and I aren't even trying? It's a bit jealousy or enviousness, a bit wah unfairness!

Then of course I feel guilty for feelnig that way about my friends! I do truly feel HAPPY for most of them (because honestly a couple I was already drifting away from... this became the final crack and really, no loss there!)

Then to make matters worse, when I got home from work today, DH says "Let's have a baby!" His best friend and her husband are trying and he wants us to have one so her kid and our kid can grow up together. There's a good reason to have a child As much as I'd like to try... we have to be responsible. But why should we if nobody else is ?*pout*

I hope this makes sense. It's hard to put this feeling into words sometimes... it's so many conflicting emotions and hard to deal with. And then DH has to go and tempt me! LOL

Is there any good way to deal with this? I ma trying to be supportive to my friends and usually I am, but sometimes it just weighs me down.

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

I have no real advise.. just hugs! I would say do not have children until you are BOTH ready, not so your child can grow up with another kid. Who knows what the future holds and they could move away, etc..

People have babies for their own reasons. Their 'failing' or 'unsupportive' relationship may not be all it seems. It is not unfair though because you are not ready. I know it must seem like everyone else has a baby, but remember your reasons for waiting and if they don't hold up any more, or if you are ready, then go make some babies!!

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

You should never feel guilty for having those type of feelings.

Try to be supportive of your friends even though you may not agree with there choices. Your time will come when you and your DH are both ready

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

we are in the same boat. DH and i are eventually going to have children... but not anytime soon (we will probably start trying in a year or two)

i never get jealous when i hear someone is preggo.... usually what i feel is a hightened sense of curiousity.... like, wondering how it feels to be preggo and to give birth... if that makes any sense lol

we just adopted a puppy a month ago... and while a puppy and your CHILD are very different, i'm still getting the sense of having to take care of something that cant answer you when you ask them something and putting someone else (besides DH of course) before me... and let me tell you, it just CONFIRMED my feelings that i DONT want kids any time soon!!

as for feeling that way towards friends who are preggo.... i think that it is natural to feel certain ways when friends get preggo... your feelings being some of them. i cant even tell you what kids of thoughts have gone through my mind when i hear about friends who are preggo and/or trying to get preggo... its human nature and you are not a bad person!!

Message edited 4/8/2009 9:02:53 AM.

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

Don't feel bad!

I understand how both you and your DH feel, it is difficult. Just take the time to talk about how you really both feel about it. If you are not ready, you are not ready. You have to comfortable.

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

I can't relate since I really have no desire to ever be pregnant, BUT what I can say is this...

You said a lot of the people who are currently pregnant in your life are not in a good situation to be pregnant- finances etc- so just remember that you and your hubby are doing the responsible, mature thing by waiting- even though you want to have babies so badly. So kudos to you and just know that when the time is right it will be your turn too!

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

totally natural to have those kind of feeelings -- especially when you WANT to be a mom and feel like you have to wait.

when the time is right for you guys, you'll know it. just remember, that there is no such thing as the "right time" to have a baby. there will always be a reason to put it off and such...because we want things to be in the right order whether its a house...time together...bills....etc.

the most important thing is when you and DH feel you're emotionally ready for it -- start from there and see where it takes you! in the meantime, i think its perfectly normal to have moments of envy of friends who are all becoming moms and stuff.

DH and i were gonna try this year but had to hold off cause of health issues...but hey, part of me was relieved while part of me was sad. now about 5 people around me are pregnant or just gave birth! its unreal! i have felt a pang of envy now and again and then i think "wait -- don't be envious - you get to have the year with DH to just have fun!"

so yeah--i feel where you're coming from!!

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

you are being smart and responsible and your future kids will have a better life for it - so just remember that everytime you start to feel a little sad.....its totally understandable, but your time will come

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

I dont feel jealous of the pregnancy I just feel jealous that they were able to make that deicision to HAVE a baby. I am so torn right now and have no idea what to do and it is something I think about on a daily basis so to me, coming to ANY decision would be a relief and I am jealous of that in a way.

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

None of my friends are at the point of TTC or preggo so I can't relate BUT if they all were and we were waiting for financial reasons, I am sure I would envy them, it is only natural

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

I don't want kids but i can relate...all my friends were married and then starting to have kids while i was just living with DH who was just my BF at the time...as much as I was happy for them, a part of me was like "when will it be my turn to get engaged at least???" I felt like everyone else was moving on & having all these big life moments...and i was still stuck in limbo.

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

Crashing here, but I just wanted to add my 2 cents.....

I had my son when I was 40. When I got married, we weren't sure if we would have children or not. We didn't decide 100% on what we were going to do, but we were both OK with not having them, if the other spouse decided they didn't want a baby. Now that I have a child, I will tell you that you are 1000000% right to wait until you feel ready. Having a baby is tough on the marriage, and juggling work with it is much tougher than I thought it was going to be. You will know when the time is right for you.

Most of my friends got married about 10 years before I did. I was happy for them, but it was difficult at the time, because I felt like they were so involved in planning their weddings, being in each other's weddings, being newlyweds and then having children, that they didn't really care so much about what I was going through at the time. It was a weird transition for some of those friendships, but the true friendships lasted.

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

One of my best friends got pregnant after being with a guy for about a month. Suffice to say, it has been a rollercoaster for her. I have never judged her for having her baby and she's been rebuiolding her life since, but I always kept an open mind for her. Sometimes the best things come from the worst circumstances. I try not to pass judgment because everyone is different.


Everyone has difference circumstances. I just pray that everything will work out for the best for them and the baby

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

I'm 32 and surrounded by friends that are preggers or have kids already.

My first thought when one of my friends announced her pregnancy was always "Wowwww Better her than me" . Only recently have i started occasionally having a baby itch, here and there. But, like you, we are just simply not ready yet.

I try to remind myself of the reasons i am choosing to wait. I see some of my friends, living in a tiny apt. with 1-2 kids, and struggling, could i have that life right now, sure, i just wouldnt be happy with it.

You can't return babies, so i would like to be in the best situation possible BEFORE bringing another life into this world. I know your never truly ready but i'd like to somewhat settled. Once, they come i KNOW my life will not be about me anymore.

That being said, all your feelings are normal !!! You will have kids, when you and your DH are ready. I think your responsible for waiting, and your future kids, will thank you !

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

I think it is totally normal to have feelings like this. I am 32 going on 33 in a few months and have had the itch to TTC, ex. since I am getting older and have very irregular periods, so I am more afraid of not being able to get pregnant. BUT there are a lot of factors such as money that are holding us back at the moment. A lot of people I grew up with and family members are either pregnant or have a child/children already, it is tough for me to be around, although I am not the jealous type, I do sometimes wish I could start a family now. Like other posters have said, when you know the time is right and you and DH are ready it will happen.

Re: "Jealous" of Pregnant Friends?

Wow... that oyu all for the replies!!! I'm so shocked and surprised It's good to know that I'm totally alone. But the reassurance that we are better off waiting, at least we'll be more prepared LOL I am happy for all my friends, I do wish them luck, no matter what the situation! It's just hard sometimes!!

I think that I will be rereading this thread

Message edited 4/9/2009 10:50:45 PM.