Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

I feel like some friends have pleasantly surpised me either by calling to check in, offering to help me, giving advice but only when I ask, understanding that I may not be able to do much right now but I still want to get together.

Other friends have let me down. In fact, there are several that I have not seen while pregnant and I probably won't. I am too tired to be the one to solidify plans, and I now realize that I am always the one to do that. I am asking for very little, just a sign that our friendship can still grow if my role has to change a little!!!!!

Just thinking out loud. Is this what most people go through?

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

being pregnant reminds me a lot of my wedding - i've really gotten to see people's true colors, especially because i've had a complicated pregnancy. some of my "better" friends have backed off while i've been on bed rest, and then other friends who i'm not usually to close with have really been wonderful... i've learned alot about the people around me!

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

I am feeling this a bit.
It's disappointing to find out that certain friends can not even seem bothered to pick up a phone and ask how you are even once!

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

I compared pregnancy to getting married. You find your true friends. Those who are understanding.

Nobody will understand how tired you are, how much memory you will lose "pregnant brain", etc.. Unless she is PG herself.

I think it is hard to "renew" the relationship later anyway. Then you have the baby, nap times, feeding schedule (especially if you are BF), etc.

I think friendships change, your friends will change, you will change, you will make new ones.

It hard to give up on our friends but change is inevitable. Yet, we will still keep some our dearest friends that will stick by us...

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

For those who said that this is a lot like planning your wedding--do you find that the same friends are there for you and the same friends are not? For me it is some of the same patterns, but not entirely.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Posted by smdl

I compared pregnancy to getting married. You find your true friends. Those who are understanding.

Nobody will understand how tired you are, how much memory you will lose "pregnant brain", etc.. Unless she is PG herself.

I think it is hard to "renew" the relationship later anyway. Then you have the baby, nap times, feeding schedule (especially if you are BF), etc.

I think friendships change, your friends will change, you will change, you will make new ones.

It hard to give up on our friends but change is inevitable. Yet, we will still keep some our dearest friends that will stick by us...

Message edited 8/22/2007 1:22:32 PM.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

ITA on every account! I just don't want to be around them anymore. I dread the times i have to be around them for one reason or another.The only people I talk to on a somewhat regular basis are the ones that are pregnant at the same time as me.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Yeah - most of mine SUCK! I really only have one friend who calls to see how I am doing, tells me a look cute when I see her, etc....The others hardly ever call or email (and yes I have called them and emailed them). I have been really disappointed in most of them and it has made me very depressed. Besides my DH, my parents and a couple friends I feel like I have no one. One of my really good friends is due two months after me and she has been the worst of all of them.

Is it possible to have pre-partum depression, bc I have been feeling so sad and miserable and I know this is a big part of it.

Message edited 8/22/2007 1:55:20 PM.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Wow, I was just saying to my sister how underwhelming my friends reactions were.
And the one who is supposed ot be my "BFF", hasn't called since I told her, and I don't really expect her to.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

(I probably shouldn't mention it but wait until a few mos after the baby is born, too....its gets more disappointing!)

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Posted by Tine73

Yeah - most of mine SUCK! I really only have one friend who calls to see how I am doing, tells me a look cute when I see her, etc....The others hardly ever call or email (and yes I have called them and emailed them). I have been really disappointed in most of them and it has made me very depressed. Besides my DH, my parents and a couple friends I feel like I have no one. One of my really good friends is due two months after me and she has been the worst of all of them.

Is it possible to have pre-partum depression, bc I have been feeling so sad and miserable and I know this is a big part of it.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

My pregnancy bought out lots of true color. I had a few people who would make jokes that I wasnt cut out for pregnancy while they breezed through theirs..that hurt. I have a family member who we suspect would be happy if anything happened to the baby by being born early. I am learning to let this go and let them go as well.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

I am so happy being pregnant allowed me to cut off the people I knew for a long time that should have been chopped.. I have seen many sides of people some digust me others suprised me.. Your friends well, I guess you learn to make new ones to suit your new life with your new baby..

those who want to be a part of it great, if not beat it!

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Posted by MST9106

Posted by Tine73

Yeah - most of mine SUCK! I really only have one friend who calls to see how I am doing, tells me a look cute when I see her, etc....The others hardly ever call or email (and yes I have called them and emailed them). I have been really disappointed in most of them and it has made me very depressed. Besides my DH, my parents and a couple friends I feel like I have no one. One of my really good friends is due two months after me and she has been the worst of all of them.

Is it possible to have pre-partum depression, bc I have been feeling so sad and miserable and I know this is a big part of it.

Please don't go under because of this...it is all jealousy...I actually feel bad for these people because of their need to react this way towards someone's happiness and bliss...this is the happiest time in your life...you're bringing a child into this world and you should be nothing but ecstatic and supported in every way. I understand that sometimes our emotions take a toll on us, but please don't let it be bc of people who you thought were your friends...it was upsetting to me as well, but you know what, the people that I have in my life now, that care for me and for my family have by far surpassed the others that are not in my life anymore or "sort of" are...I'm glad I got to see what kind of people they really are.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Posted by Tine73

Posted by MST9106

Posted by Tine73

Yeah - most of mine SUCK! I really only have one friend who calls to see how I am doing, tells me a look cute when I see her, etc....The others hardly ever call or email (and yes I have called them and emailed them). I have been really disappointed in most of them and it has made me very depressed. Besides my DH, my parents and a couple friends I feel like I have no one. One of my really good friends is due two months after me and she has been the worst of all of them.

Is it possible to have pre-partum depression, bc I have been feeling so sad and miserable and I know this is a big part of it.

Please don't go under because of this...it is all jealousy...I actually feel bad for these people because of their need to react this way towards someone's happiness and bliss...this is the happiest time in your life...you're bringing a child into this world and you should be nothing but ecstatic and supported in every way. I understand that sometimes our emotions take a toll on us, but please don't let it be bc of people who you thought were your friends...it was upsetting to me as well, but you know what, the people that I have in my life now, that care for me and for my family have by far surpassed the others that are not in my life anymore or "sort of" are...I'm glad I got to see what kind of people they really are.

Thank you for making me feel better - My DH is worried about me and doesnt know what to do. I bawl at least once a week.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

Posted by Tine73

Posted by MST9106

Posted by Tine73

Yeah - most of mine SUCK! I really only have one friend who calls to see how I am doing, tells me a look cute when I see her, etc....The others hardly ever call or email (and yes I have called them and emailed them). I have been really disappointed in most of them and it has made me very depressed. Besides my DH, my parents and a couple friends I feel like I have no one. One of my really good friends is due two months after me and she has been the worst of all of them.

Is it possible to have pre-partum depression, bc I have been feeling so sad and miserable and I know this is a big part of it.

Please don't go under because of this...it is all jealousy...I actually feel bad for these people because of their need to react this way towards someone's happiness and bliss...this is the happiest time in your life...you're bringing a child into this world and you should be nothing but ecstatic and supported in every way. I understand that sometimes our emotions take a toll on us, but please don't let it be bc of people who you thought were your friends...it was upsetting to me as well, but you know what, the people that I have in my life now, that care for me and for my family have by far surpassed the others that are not in my life anymore or "sort of" are...I'm glad I got to see what kind of people they really are.

Thank you for making me feel better - My DH is worried about me and doesnt know what to do. I bawl at least once a week.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

pregnancy has definitely solidified some things about some friends for me, unfortunately!

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

I do think it is sort of like wedding planning, you do find out who is going to be supportive and help you, and who won't.

I will say this, though....I am the last of my friends to have children. There were many years where I didn't see them as much and I know their families came first. I might not have called them to do things, but we were in very different phases of life. Now that their children are older, I see them more, because it is easier for them to leave the kids for longer periods of time. The good friends will stick around, even if you aren't seeing much of them right now. I would give it some time before deciding to completely cut people out of my life.

Message edited 8/22/2007 3:03:45 PM.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

I could have written this post myself I can totally relate
It's sad that certain family/friends you thought would be there are not but it's also extra nice for those unexpected people that are there for you. So try to surround yourself with the positive people - and all the others...well they are the ones missing out!

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

I totally agree....you start to see people's true colors.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

try to always look to what you have.

I know what you mean though, and the same thing sometimes happens through life and all the changes that happen as you grow in different directions. Maybe you did not have this, but I know many faced similar things when getting married too.

Re: Does every pregnant women feel that they are learning a lot about their friends?

I went through this when my mom was sick and died. During my pregnancy I havent had any changes / surprises but I think thats because my true friends have already been weeded out.

I think any major life event or change will bring out peoples true colors.