Lost my friend suddenly

I am finally posting here because it's been eating me up inside.

My friend passed away suddenly about 11 days ago. We buried her a week ago. She was only 23, it came totally out of nowhere (I'm 24) and between the shock, not knowing even what happened to her yet (the results won't be back for a while) and all of this awfulness I am just beside myself randomly, breaking out into tears out of nowhere and then being okay for a while. We were BEST friends growing up, then she started going through some things and hung out with certain friends, I hung out with certain friends, but we always maintained our closeness, she just wasn't into hanging out in big groups or anything. We took trips together, joined sports together, had a really close connection and I just can't believe she's gone. She was my best friend when having one was REALLY important (high school, feeling left out, etc.) and remained one of my best friends for twelve years. I don't know how to move on from this.

I've been having dreams about her for the past few nights every night, today it felt different because in the dream I knew she was dead this time and it was like she was talking to me. I don't know what to think of it, probably my own imagination but I'm open to anything.

I just had to post here so people would understand. Losing her is so much worse because of how young she was, because she suffered from depression pretty much her whole life and I feel like she never got to be totally happy and okay with herself and her life. She never got to grow up and really live. And I was so caught up with school that we didn't talk as much over the past few months and neither of us meant for that to happen but it did and I can never get that time back. Worst of all even though she knew how much I loved her and cared for her I don't think she had any idea how many other people cared, as evident by the huge showing at the services we had for her that would have really made her think differently, I like to think.

Just had to vent... I'm sure some of you out there no what this is like, every death is such a unique awful experience but we share a common feeling of grief. Sending prayers out for all of you out there who feel like this and hopefully getting this out will help me get some sleep.

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

I just wanted to give you some hugs. I have never been through what ur going through but of course death in other ways and i just the most horrible feeling in the world..please take it one day at a time anf give urself time to grieve for ur beloved friend

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

I am so sorry about your friend. She was way too young.

I think you need some time to absorb the shock and loss of her passing and you might find some peace through grief counceling or journaling.

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend.

I hope that getting it out helped and that you'll start to sleep better. She's in a better place and not suffering anymore.

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

I'm so sorry to hear about your friends loss, I totally understand i lost my cousin/ friend 15 years ago, He was like family to me, My father and his father were bestfriends since they were 5 and "Still" are to this day. Its hard but it does get easier.. I had those dreams about my cousin when he passed it was like his way saying i'm ok now dont be sad. My prayers goes out to her family and you.

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

Thanks... the last few days were hard but I'm feeling better, after I wrote that last night I was able to sleep! I don't think I took the time to emotionally recuperate after she died and now I am. Thanks so much for all the kind wishes, it's comforting just to know that people out there "get it" because even people close to me haven't lost a friend their age like this and it's a really different feeling.

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

I am glad you are feeling a little better and slept well. It's a process and it takes time.

A loss like this is hard for people to relate to. One friend apologized to me after her father died b/c she didn't understand how bad it really was when mine did.

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Re: Lost my friend suddenly

I lost a really close friend 11 years ago in a car accident. We had known each other for many years. At one point we were best friends, she was at my house every day. But we grew apart so we weren't as close when she passed away. It will get easier.... you have to give yourself some time.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to FM me.

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

I am so sorry. I cant even imagine.

My best friend was almost killed in accident right in front of me recently. I am still struggling with the anxiety of it all. I cant even imagine what you must be going through.

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

I'm so sorry. My deepest sympathy.

Re: Lost my friend suddenly

sorry for your loss!