How do you get over the sting?

I have 2 friends right now that are pregnant. I feel like I have to preface by saying I am happy for both of them. My first friend found out on a Friday, then I found out on Tuesday, then the other friend found out recently. As happy as I feel like I want to be and should be, I can't. Since my chemical/miscarriage- whatever the doctors decide happened; I just can't get over my own sadness and disappointment. I'm sure you all know the feeling. You want to be 100% happy but in trying to be happy, the tears start to pour.

I guess the majority of my pain comes from the fact that I feel like I've had a pregnancy thrown right in my face. I didn't even get a full 24hrs to begin to grieve. I feel like such a whiny brat- I hope it doesn't seem that way. I don't have anyone to talk to because I don't have any friends that have gone through this- thankfully. Also, pregnancy loss makes you sort of an outcast because people don't know what to say, so they don't say anything at all. I've been sitting in my own misery all alone- which is tough.

This has to go away soon. It isn't fun being depressed, bitter, jealous, disappointed, heartbroken; not to mention defeated.

Thanks for letting me vent Those of you that have gone through this, how did you deal? How did you bring up the subject with your friends without hurting their feelings or taking away from their joy?

Re: How do you get over the sting?

I kept a lot of what I felt inside or shared with DH. It was def hard to share with friends.

I cant tell you all of the things that went through my head. Jealousy, Envy, Guilt, Anger, Sadness, and the list goes on.

What I learned through the process was it was ok. We are human, it's ok to feel these things. You went through something MAJOR, a loss of life. You wouldn t be human if you if you didnt questions things, or have some negative feelings.

I tried to remember, eventually I will be pregnant too. Add I will want those friends around me to help. SO as much and I may be jealous or hurt, I never wanted to take away from such a happy moment for others. So just try to be there as much as you can for them, and when it's to difficult it's ok to share that with them.

Hope that helps!!!

I hope soon you are pregnant again!!!

Re: How do you get over the sting?

Posted by bride07



I kept a lot of what I felt inside or shared with DH. It was def hard to share with friends.

I cant tell you all of the things that went through my head. Jealousy, Envy, Guilt, Anger, Sadness, and the list goes on.

What I learned through the process was it was ok. We are human, it's ok to feel these things. You went through something MAJOR, a loss of life. You wouldn t be human if you if you didnt questions things, or have some negative feelings.

I tried to remember, eventually I will be pregnant too. Add I will want those friends around me to help. SO as much and I may be jealous or hurt, I never wanted to take away from such a happy moment for others. So just try to be there as much as you can for them, and when it's to difficult it's ok to share that with them.

Hope that helps!!!

I hope soon you are pregnant again!!!

Re: How do you get over the sting?

Just because you want it for yourself doesn't mean you're not happy for your friends. We've been there and know that a range of emotions happen after a loss like that and you're not a bad person for feeling any of them.
WHEN it is your time to get pregnant, you're pregnancy and birth will be that much more sweet because you know how badly you want it and how lucky you are to have it.
Don't beat yourself up for having any of those emotions... they're totally normal!

Re: How do you get over the sting?

first, what you feel is totally normal and i'm sure everybody on this board can relate.

i lost my first baby last september. in november, i was in the labor and delivery room with one of my closest friends as she was about to give birth. then, another very close friend found out she was pregnant in january and i was still TTC again. i got pregnant again in may but it was ectopic and i ended up having surgery.....my friend is due in less than 3 weeks.

i won't lie. it does sting sometimes. i'm VERY happy for both of them but there are certainly days when i think "why me". but just as the other girls said, you can be happy for them while still feeling sad, angry etc for yourself.

for me, i told my friends how i was feeling. i've never been one to keep in how i feel and these women are two of the most important people in my life. i felt like it was better to express how i truly felt rather than let it stay inside and become toxic. if they are your friends, they will understand. even if they haven't been in your shoes, they will understand that it's a hard thing for you.

i'm so sorry you have to go through this you will be pregnant again soon with a healthy baby.....we all will!

Re: How do you get over the sting?

It stinks. One of my friends was due the day before I would have been. Then when I finally got over that we found out DH's best friend was due the same week. I felt horrible because DH always said it would be fun to have a kid the same time as his friend.

We didn't tell anyone about the loss though. Its ok to be happy for them and still be sad. Sorry you have to go through this.

Re: How do you get over the sting?