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Hi all!

Message edited 8/9/2011 11:53:29 AM.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Not alone at ALL.

I just sent you FM.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I think it all depends on the situation.
I've had lunch with students outside of school....but I also know that there are certain times boundaries are needed.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I don't think its unprofessional. I think its what's behind many people becoming teachers. Unfortunately our society is very litigious and many teachers go into self protect mode.

My former nyc colleague was arrested based on he said she said

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Message edited 8/9/2011 11:53:45 AM.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I don't think you're unprofessional. You do what you can for your kids. My DH teaches in the poorest school district on LI (might even be the state of NY) and he helps the kids with lunch money and things. I bake for his classes and the kids are very thankful. It's just what he does and he would expect the same for his own kids if we needed help.

My husband and I both teach HS. We keep in touch with our past graduates through FB and we have a few of them who text us. I tell them they have to be graduates to contact me (I work in a very well off district and I could see a lawsuit on the horizon).

My DH's colleague helps all the kids and if they want his cell number he gives it to them. He also hugs as many of them as he can because he feels it might be the only hug they get that week.

But on the other hand we both coach and we give our cell numbers to all of our players. It's a double standard.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I don't think unprofessional is the right word, but it is very risky behavior, IMO. Before I had DD I worked in a very poor district and we were pretty much told at orientation that we had to watch ourselves because unfortunately there are people out there that will take the best of intentions and twist them.

I am actually surprised that your district is okay with all that you do. Most of what you listed were huge no-no's in my district.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

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Message edited 8/9/2011 11:54:03 AM.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Posted by zuzuspetals

I know my opinion is very unpopular. That is why the other threads have so many responses and mine dont. I also think its funny because its so much more socially acceptable to say "no way in hell do I contact my kids outside of school" than it is to say "yes, I do speak to them and have a bond." Many people have FMed saying that they feel the same way I do. I honestly wish there were more teachers out there who served our students on a deeper level ... kids today need it so bad! Many are starving for attention and seek so much help

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I really do not mean to be that way. Thank you for saying that because I don't mean that to anyone here at all!

Message edited 8/9/2011 11:54:43 AM.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

thats great Palebride! I couldnt agree more .... there is so much you can do INside of the classroom. Im glad you work in a place where you see such good! That is really amazing. My husband does too! He is so happy and works amongst wonderful teachers.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Wow! If I were found to be socializing with students I could loose my job. We get letters a few times a year reminding us that this is absolutely not permitted ....Of course, I work for SUFFOLK BOCES and we service emotionally disturbed kids. But.....so many times I wish I might have been able to show some love outside of school, but as I said it is forbidden.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I think it all depends on your school's culture.

I, too, am pretty involved in my students' lives, but so are most teachers who I teach with. I go to their games, plays, concerts, etc. My co-workers and I have participated in local races (5Ks, 10Ks, 15Ks) with them. I mentor a tenth grader and we talk about everything and anything.

In most classes at my school, we do something called "Good News" on Mondays where everyone talks about their weekends. I love getting to know more about their interests and hobbies.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I am an AP and a majority of the students in my school have my number. I have been called as a last resort for students in all sorts of situations. My mother still cannot beleive that I take calls from them, but I figure better they have a number then no number at all!

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I appreciate that you are doing a great thing for your students, but I don't necessarily agree that it's always a good idea.

My husband is a teacher, can you imagine how it would look to others if he was taking female students out to restaurants? I get that it seems less odd in your case because you both go, but an allegation could be made even if you go to the bathroom and a student feels uncomfortable about something your husband says or does. They are kids and can perceive things the wrong way - how will a student who has never been on a restaurant know what it feels like to be on a date and to not be? Yeah, you can argue the finer points of this in your favor but my point is I believe it is inappropriate to be taking kids out to restaurants and socializing in ways that can be perceived as crossing a line.

My DH teaches in a rough school where several of his students are in gangs. I would love for him to reach out to them, and encourage him to talk to these students about making good choices (and he does as much as he can), but not to act further if it gets him hurt or killed. I certainly wouldn't be having them in my home no matter how big my heart is.

I just feel there are many ways that the goal you are putting out there can be accomplished without these - IMO, questionable - practices. If your students haven't been to a restaurant, bring in a menu for a restaurant and host a catered lunch with fancy tablecloths and classical music. For the holidays, donate a bag of toys to the child's family at the shelter or volunteer and spend a holiday with them there. Have inspirational, motivational lessons about where they can go in life, and encourage them to come talk to you privately for support if they need it. I think you can be "that type of teacher" in ways that won't potentially open yourself up to a world of problems despite the best of intentions and not blur boundaries for students that might need them.

Message edited 6/28/2011 1:16:37 AM.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

DWKS810 - thank you so much for your feedback! Very sound advice. I do not do all of tehse witha ll of my students - it is on a case by case basis. Thank you so much for your insight. It is, like I said, very sound advice.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Some of the things you described I certainly do: keep tabs on siblings, communicate with them, go to graduations or games.

But yes I do think that it is crossing a line to go out to dinner or lunch with them. I think that in a public school setting that could be viewed as preferential treatment. You could also be accused of anything by a child! I'm kind of surprised your district would allow you to do that without the child's parent present. I prefer contacting students by email and they do this with me all the time. This way I have everything in print and can prove what the conversation was. I have spoken to a student on the phone after having spoken to their parents. However I would never just call up a student to talk to them.

IMHO, calling a student at home and going out to dinner with them is not a responsibility of a teacher. So yes I think it is unprofessional. I think you are being incredibly KIND, but not being their teacher. It is risky and I would be careful.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

My father taught in a tough area in the city. And a young speech teacher established a helping-hand type relationship with a student. Student made an accusation (my dad did not believe it), but I believe the teacher (untenured) lost her job.

It is the risk that would concern me. Everything you do sounds wonderful, but the risk is scary. In my situation, most of my students have families that bend over backwards to provide them a wonderful childhood. I don't feel that I have to fill in with support outside of the school... but I do my part and then some during the school day for sure.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Message edited 8/9/2011 11:55:20 AM.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I attend students' games and plays with their parents present. I know it means a lot to them and their families. I would not go somewhere alone with a student, past or present. This was really enforced when I was in school, not to be alone. It doesn't take much for a child or parent to make up something. I keep in contact through email or letters only.
ETA: I do not teach in a poor school. These students have way more life experiences than I do

Message edited 6/28/2011 6:17:23 PM.

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

Re: The type of teacher I am ... am I alone?

I think it also depends on the age. I personally would not go anywhere/speak on the phone etc. with anyone that is a minor. I have not yet had this opportunity but I might keep in contact with students who have graduated from high school. I am in charge of a class and I have had some of them from 7th grade and they will be graduating from 12th next year. These students do have my cell phone number b/c we have had to meet up to look for prom places etc. I don't think I have ever spoken to them on the phone though. We text mostly. They have asked to be my fb friend and I have said no. I am sure some of them have not had some positive experiences in their life, but honestly, I have a career to worry about. One wrong/misconstrued move could mean a whole difference. I don't think that makes me any less dedicated than anyone else. But, while I love my job, my students, and where I work, my family is first and foremost and I CANNOT do anything that would jeopardize that.