What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

I may be losing a friend of mine over our newest cat. Her wedding is in June, and I got the call today that my dress is in, but I haven't heard back from her in a week since my last message... and I still can't figure out why.
I'll preface this by saying a year and a half ago I found a kitten in my brother's yard, w/ no collar who wasn't neutered. Some of you may remember this b/c I think I posted about it. Anyway, it was love at first sight and my DH and I both considered it a sign from God that we were supposed to have THIS cat (I'd begged for one for 7 years and been told NO by DH). We've been dealing w/ Infertility for over 7 years as well, and I think my DH just figured if it would make me happy, and gave in...
So we have the cat for about a week. He's OURS as far as I'm concerned... I took him to the vet, got him a collar, a cute little tag, the whole 9 yards. Signs go up in my brother's neighborhood that a kitten in missing... and I get a call from my friend telling me that her parents saw the sign (we had recently left for Florida for a few days and my uncle was catsitting for me).
We do the "right" thing and give the cat back (have my uncle give the cat back). My brother lives 1 house off of the main road, on a side street. It's the corner house who put up the signs-- who are on the main road. The kitten was about 5 months old at the time... it was heartbreaking, but someone was clearly missing him, right?
I was beside myself... cried for days. DH and I went to the shelter and found our Boots (a long story in itself, so I'll skip it). Fast forward to December... the week of the big snowstorm last year. The cat is completely an outside cat, and clearly not being cared for, but has managed to survive this far (I've watched at least 4 cats get hit by cars on this road, one of which was at this intersection).
I find the cat standing on my brother's pool cover on ice, licking ice to get a drink. I call DH up and tell him that I HAVE to take the cat home, and we argue about it but he agrees that we'll take him home so I don't worry about him during the storm, but that I have to give him back unless the people are willing to give him to us.
He and my cat instantly become like brothers...playing together, sleeping in a little ball next to eachother... so my mom goes to talk to my brother's neighbor. He tells her it's not even his cat!!!! His friend (who lives almost 30 mins away) asked him to let him stay there until he could get a place that he's allowed to have a cat in (responsible much??? ) and the kitten has now been there from July- December.
He gives my mom the guys #. My mom calls him and tells him the whole situation and that my DH and I would offer him $100 to keep the cat b/c it makes me sick to see him out in the elements and living so close to the main road, and clearly not being cared for and that my cat and he have already formed a bond. He says no and comes that night to pick up the cat. The VERY NEXT MORNING I go to my brother's house and see the cat standing out in the snow!
So since last December I've watched this cat live as a loner, but going to my friends parents house sometimes (I didn't know how often, and had no idea if he even still went there).
2 weeks ago I get approached by the neighbor and asked if the cat is living with me. I say no, and she asks me if I want him. It seems the "owner" (and I use that term loosely) was dating her sister and there were some issues and he is no longer welcome in their home. He has yet to come and get the cat after telling her that the latest he'd come is October and by then it was mid-Nov. So she said he was abandoned, and offered him to me. She said she didn't want him being an outside cat anymore and that he was never the same after living w/ us last Dec, and she didn't want him being around the Main Road anymore... b/c it was only a matter of time before he gets hit (he crosses the side street and she thinks he'll cross the main road any day now in his exploring).
In late Dec/early January I started looking for a 2nd cat b/c my boy was SO unhappy being the only cat and he had this searching call he used to cry out--- looking for the cat we had to give back. We finally found one in February, and now we have 2...and adore them both.
I said the only way I'd ever have a 3rd cat is if it were him. And now he's being offered to us. I just had a miscarriage in September... we lost our twins and I've been going thru a really hard time. DH didn't fight me nearly as much as I thought he would, probably for that reason. He let me do a trial and everything worked out great.
I sent my friend a message letting her know that I had the cat and was keeping him, but asked that she let her parents know, in case he still went there at all. I know what it's like to worry about him, and I didn't want them thinking anything bad happened to him.
When I found the cat wandering around outside, he had an upper respitory infection, needed deworming, and had a cut on his leg which was bleeding. I took him to the shelter, then to the vet to get a check up and up to date on all of his shots, and to get meds for the upper resp. infection and the deworming medication. I spent over $100, but we finally have our boy back.
Anyway, my friend sends me a message back that her parents are upset and that the cat slept there all the time and got to be friendly with one of her cats, and their other cat is old and going to die soon... and that they want to buy the cat from me.
A- I don't want to sell him. He's ours as far as I'm concerned... I've always questioned if I did the "right" thing by giving him back the first time around b/c watching him not be cared for properly was SO hard for me. B- they asked ME to take him b/c they didn't want him in that neighborhood anymore, and they'd prefer he be an indoor cat... which is what I promised them I would do. I wrote her back and told her all of this, but I havent' heard back in a week. Part of me wants to follow up and part of me wants to wait it out, because I won't break my promise to them... it's not who I am. I feel terribly for her parents b/c I've been there and KNOW how much it stinks... but they also know that I found him as a kitten, had him, had to give him back, then took him last winter to make sure he was safe thru the storm and he was taken away again (which I knew could happen, though hoped it wouldn't once we realized how far away the guy lived and that he wasn't caring for him, but no such luck).
So, that's the summary (the LONG summary, I know!!!) What would you have done if you were in my shoes? I hate this feeling like I'm doing something wrong even though my heart is telling me I'm not... Thanks for reading and TIA for your replies!

Message edited 11/23/2011 5:05:44 PM.

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

IMO... it's your cat. Let them be ****** about it, and if your friend decides not to talk to you over it, then whatever. You are the only one who seems to give a crap about this cat, and you've taken care of it when it needed someone. Everyone else in this situation has had ample opportunity to step up and do the right thing, and they didn't, so tough for them, it's your cat now. Just tell your friend that you are really attached to this cat and you love it and you're not giving it up again. If anything, offer to go to the shelter and adopt a kitten for your friend's parents if they are concerned that their older cat is on its last leg. After all this cat has been through, it deserves to get to live with you. Animals need permanency and stability and this one deserves to finally be part of your family.

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Keep the cat. I don't care what friend i lose. I put the animals safety over a friends feelings for sure. You did the right thing, if we dont protect animals who will?????

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Shannon I don't know if I'm reading this right but if this friend's parents allowed him to be outside in the cold and snow while you actually WANTED him in your home and cared for him they can go effffff themselves. You might lose a friend but I guarantee the cat will be FAR more loyal and loving than she will.

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Message edited 11/23/2011 8:18:16 PM.

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

I agree with the other posters, he is YOUR cat. It is so obvious to me that he is meant to be in your home and a part of your lives! No one deserves that cat more than you do, and if your friend wants to end the friendship over this, the it's 100% her loss. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong here, but everything right

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

This poor kitty has had a terrible start. He began with an owner who dumped him at someone's house. Those people in turn agreed to car for him by leaving him outside. (If I fell on bad times and had to temporary rehome my cat it certainly wouldnt be with people who would leave him out in a friggin' snow storm ). This kitty has gotten a chance to have a real home. With real love. With warmth and security. With new kitty friends. Your friend and her family are being selfish. While the cat might have been leaving for periods of time inside with them, it was not them who provided necessary vet care. It's easy to put some food out and open the door now and again. I would not let your friend sway you from what you know is right. It is clearly in the cat's best interest to be with you. Tell your friend that there are many senior kitties that need good homes and that you will be more than willing to set her and her family up with one.

I would also let her know that fighting over a cat is silly. That it is one thing if it belonged to THEM and you wound up taking it from them. But it was never theirs to begin with. Let her know that the most important thing should be to help a kitty in need and that there is a cat out there that is perfect for her and her family.

Then I'd and remind her of the hell you've been through and she should be a bit more sensitive

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Posted by Domino

This poor kitty has had a terrible start. He began with an owner who dumped him at someone's house. Those people in turn agreed to car for him by leaving him outside. (If I fell on bad times and had to temporary rehome my cat it certainly wouldnt be with people who would leave him out in a friggin' snow storm ). This kitty has gotten a chance to have a real home. With real love. With warmth and security. With new kitty friends. Your friend and her family are being selfish. While the cat might have been leaving for periods of time inside with them, it was not them who provided necessary vet care. It's easy to put some food out and open the door now and again. I would not let your friend sway you from what you know is right. It is clearly in the cat's best interest to be with you. Tell your friend that there are many senior kitties that need good homes and that you will be more than willing to set her and her family up with one.

I would also let her know that fighting over a cat is silly. That it is one thing if it belonged to THEM and you wound up taking it from them. But it was never theirs to begin with. Let her know that the most important thing should be to help a kitty in need and that there is a cat out there that is perfect for her and her family.

Then I'd and remind her of the hell you've been through and she should be a bit more sensitive

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Thanks guys. I guess I just needed some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. I'm not even sure my friend's upset over it, as her parents kind of stuck her in the middle,... though I do find it strange that she hasn't gotten back to me in a week.
Our boys kept waking us up last night to purr, cuddle and snuggle with us. All 3 of them! DH even said in the middle of the night there's no doubt he's supposed to be with us... he's SO SO SO happy here.

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)

Posted by MrsMessina

Thanks guys. I guess I just needed some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. I'm not even sure my friend's upset over it, as her parents kind of stuck her in the middle,... though I do find it strange that she hasn't gotten back to me in a week.
Our boys kept waking us up last night to purr, cuddle and snuggle with us. All 3 of them! DH even said in the middle of the night there's no doubt he's supposed to be with us... he's SO SO SO happy here.

Re: What would you have done in this situation? (LONG)