Pointing a friend in the right direction

A very good friend of mine has a boy who will be two at the end of the year. She mentioned to me the last time I saw her that she was having trouble dealing with his sensory issues and was thinking of having someone "see" him and what they could do. I'm assuming she meant evaluated even though she didn't use that word.

Since he was born, he's been an extremely difficult child. Impossible to console except through nursing. She finally did CIO around a year and he sleeps better now, but still wakes at night.

He is VERY attached to her. Wants nothing to do with anyone else although he does show affection towards his dad and grandmother.

He is very verbal - he's a few months older than my DD and slightly more advanced verbally, so in my very non-professional opinion he's on target more or less.

He does not play with other children and never has. Does not like to make eye contact and does not like to be touched. He cannot even stand it if other people are too close to him - he screams at the top of his lungs and looks for mommy.

He does play with toys sometimes, but puts absolutely everything in his mouth and prefers to dump toys out than play with them the way they are "meant" to be played with.

He also has gagging/vomiting issues with food, but eats appropriately for his age in terms of texture and size - large pieces, taking bites, etc.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis, although this does sound to me that he's on the spectrum - I just want to point her in the right direction. She's in Suffolk, if that helps.

Thanks everyone... please do not quote as I might take this down.

Re: Pointing a friend in the right direction

My friends child is this to a T. But Each child is different. He is 7 now and has ADD/ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). I am not sure how Suffolk works, but I would encourage her to speak with her pediatrician, not about his issues, but who to contact.

Re: Pointing a friend in the right direction

This sounds like my DS at 2--he has PDD-NOS, though I'm honestly not sure that diagnosis will stick over time. Not saying it's all going to go away, but I sometimes feel as if the diagnosis isn't quite right.

DS was very attached to me and still is, though he has improved a lot in this area. He spoke kind of late, but he started speech with EI and moved rapidly with his speech development. He also gagged and sometimes threw up solid food, but his feeding evaluations showed that he ate a good variety of textures and handled the food well. I do think his issues may be more sensory and anxiety based than anything else, but the PDD-NOS diagnosis gets him services that are helping him--an anxiety disorder or sensory disorder alone would not.

As far as how to address this, I agree with others, you need to be careful. I agree she should have a comprehensive evaluation with OT, psych, special education, etc., but it might be difficult to suggest that. But you could say something vague like "I know a Mom who had this done and had the evaluations in x, y, and z," but if she tells EI what the problem areas are, they will probably suggest appropriate testing anyway, so I would feel her out in terms of her openess to discuss this.

I truly think this is one of the hardest periods for any parent. Good luck to her and to you--it's wonderful that she has your support!

Message edited 12/1/2011 12:24:58 PM.

Re: Pointing a friend in the right direction

As someone who's just gone through the diagnosis part of it all, it's touchy and sensitive so be careful. I would encourage her to call EI, every county has it so she can just google suffolk county early intervention and call and ask for a comprehensive evaluation, in my also very non-professional opinion he should get a psych evaluation but I'd hate for you to say that to her, if she asks to have a full evaluation they should send a psych, I hope. They will ask her concerns on the phone and she should mention everything you mentioned....does she notice the social issues as concerns? If you feel like she may need....nudging, I wouldn't say that *you* think anything....maybe say that you have a friend who's child is like her DS and called EI and is showing improvement. Don't mention any sort of diagnosis as it may anger her, but hearing that other children show some improvement after receiving services, and that she's not alone, helps. His sensory issues alone certainly can be addressed with OT.

My MIL mentioned autism, extremely casually, regarding DS months and months ago...he hadn't been diagnosed yet but in my heart of hearts I knew...though I hadn't truly admitted it to myself. Anyway, even though I *knew*, I was still livid that she even said the word, that SHE thought SHE knew my son, how dare her, even though I knew she was right. She had no idea we were on a waiting list at the time to be seen and get the diagnosis. Even though I had started the process I was still angry at her for a long time. See where I'm going? Just be careful what you actually say, though I know you will be.

Message edited 12/1/2011 11:08:20 AM.

Re: Pointing a friend in the right direction

Thanks everyone... Everything I wrote are things that I have noticed AND that she has expressed to me. My feeling is that she just doesn't know where to start - if it's a social issue, PDD or a psychological issue. You've all been very helpful. I will tread carefully but as this point I know she just wants answers and help and for someone to tell her she's not crazy.

Re: Pointing a friend in the right direction

It could go multiple ways

Sensory processing disorder
On spectrum

I strongly suggest your friend gets her child evaluated through EI or a developmental/behavioral pediatrician.

Re: Pointing a friend in the right direction

Posted by headoverheels

Thanks everyone... Everything I wrote are things that I have noticed AND that she has expressed to me. My feeling is that she just doesn't know where to start - if it's a social issue, PDD or a psychological issue. You've all been very helpful. I will tread carefully but as this point I know she just wants answers and help and for someone to tell her she's not crazy.

Re: Pointing a friend in the right direction

She can probably make a call to EI.

Like the above poster, I had NO idea DS had PDD. I called EI because he was an army crawler and a very late walker (he wasn't walking at 17/18 months).

When they came to do an eval, it was the PT evaluator and a special ed person as well. After a few months, they recommended speech and from there it just continued (services).,

We had in home services, then, I put him in class (a seperation) and from there we added OT. At his pre-k evaluation, it was the school psychologist who diagnosed him.

If she doesn't want to call EI, then, maybe she can start with a dev. ped. or a psychologist.

Good Luck to her.