Wishing family understood this fear...long

Don't mind me. Had a bad morning and have been sitting here crying for the last half hour plus... I'm extremely close to my DB's kids, always have been. I had actually been taking care of their youngest since he was about 5 months old Monday to Friday all day, as well as getting his older two ready and out the door for school, getting them off the bus and taking care of them after school while my SIL worked.
Now that I'm pregnant and on bed rest I haven't seen the older 2 since Christmas and I've seen the youngest one when my brother takes me to an appointment or comes over. I wanted to see them this weekend and was going to bed rest on their couch since they're right around the corner from us. They wanted me to tell the kids and I wasn't ready yet... So I didn't get to see them again.
I'm missing them terribly. They have told the kids I'm so sick that I can't get out of bed (not my choice of explanation, but what's done is done). The kids keep asking when they can see me and if I'm dying.
They don't understand why I won't just tell the kids already. I'm terrified of something still going wrong. This is the furthest we have ever gotten but I don't feel safe or out of the woods yet, and honestly doubt I ever will. I know we will have to tell them at some point, I just hoped I would be let off bed rest and I would let them figure it out... I'm glad they have never gone thru a loss, but I wish people could understand this fear better... I feel so sad today.

Re: Wishing family understood this fear...long

Wanting someone to understand the fear we have as multiple loss patients is like throwing an English speaking person in China and saying "Speak Chinese".

It's not something someone can just understand unless they've been through the process .. they've "learned" the fear ... and I really am so happy that there aren't more that understand. I really am.. That means that MOST people on this planet don't have to know from the tragic reality that comes with pregnancy following a loss... but on the other side of the coin, it's such an isolating feeling that few people can understand exactly what it is we're going through.

I found what helped me is just not expecting certain people to understand. If you set your expectations in the right place, hopefully you will be less disappointed with what you get back. I know there's no easy answer there....... You don't want the kids to worry, but you don't want them to know the whole truth.

It's hard deciding when to tell people because you don't want to tell people to soon, but yet you also want to share good news with people who you love and are closest with. I just would make sure you are doing this when YOU are ready. So much of infertility means having people involved who shouldn't need to be.. like your boss.. etc........ If you aren't ready for them to know, stand by that. This is YOUR pregnancy.. it's not your brother's.

Re: Wishing family understood this fear...long

Today stinks... I feel likke I have a cloud over my head. I know better than to let this bother me... but I cant help it today oh well, heres hoping tomorrow is better

Re: Wishing family understood this fear...long

Eh you're entitled mommy have some gluten free pie....