Does time ease the pain really?

...and if so how long does it take? I am asking this honestly as today marks the one year anniversary of my second d&c...I got my period yesterday and my friend gave birth today so I know its an extraordinary amount of things happening at once but I honestly feel so overwhelmed with sadness and I cannot bear to think that I will still feel so deeply and so badly this time next year

I have kind of thought I am done ( I am 41) but it is not getting any easier for me...I still long and miss my third child ( I had three miscarriages - all chromosome issues)

I know I am just venting and I am sorry for being such a debbie downer but no one IRL gets it...DH does not get it..he has moved on and he does not even realize the relevance of today.

Thanks for listening

Re: Does time ease the pain really?

I just wanted to send you hugs. I have no real advice or answer to your question. But I'd guess everyone is different. Some get by and move on by starting to TTC as soon as they can. Others (like me) wait. I want to mourn this pregnancy. My first after trying for so long. Even if I do wind up having children (biological or adopt) I will never forget our first baby.

For me it's only been 2 months, it's very new.

I hope you find a way to cope with your feelings. Not everyone will understand. Not even those who have had losses. Everyone is so different with mourning. I think you should try and find a support group to help you through this. Others who feel the way you do.

Re: Does time ease the pain really?

I'm so sorry for your loss. My loss was at 12 weeks this past Dec. so I have not made it as far as you. Some days are easy and some days I just keep thinking of what will never be. I had already planned out events in my head this summer that I was supposed to be holding a newborn at.
I think with time it does get easier, but you never forget. It's amazing how much you can love someone that you never met and only 'knew' for such a short time, but the loss is real.

I hope you find comfort as you move forward.

Re: Does time ease the pain really?

Posted by PhyllisNJoe


I hope you find a way to cope with your feelings. Not everyone will understand. Not even those who have had losses. Everyone is so different with mourning. I think you should try and find a support group to help you through this. Others who feel the way you do.

Message edited 3/20/2013 11:02:56 PM.

Re: Does time ease the pain really?

I think time helps you learn to live with the loss, but the pain is always there. Maybe to a lesser degree than when it initially happens, but it’s always there…
It’s been 2 years since my miscarriage and I still find myself thinking about the baby I lost. And I still cry for him/her.
You're not alone. We're all here for you.

Re: Does time ease the pain really?

Time doesn't heal, but it helps. After my first loss and then after my second loss I was so sad, all the time. Crying in the shower, on the train etc.... Time has helped not be so sad all the time, but I still think about the babies I lost, but I know that some day I'll see them again :)

Unless someone has been through a loss, people don't really get it - and men react sooo differently about it than we do. We carried those babies, we had a connection that they just didn't. Leaning on those who have unfortunately walked in your shoes helps.

Re: Does time ease the pain really?

Thank you all SO much...I honestly dont know what I would have done without this board I had a good cry last night then tucked myself up in bed with my two kiddies and had an early night....feel a little better today...just trying to steel myself to see my friend's baby now but think I will leave it for a few weeks so I can feel stronger.