Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

How wold you feel if your son, who (and you are very well aware of it) is not the best athlete to say the least and is usually only on the field for about 5 minutes during regular games, was the only player on the team who spent the whole soccer finale on the bench and never got a change to play because the coaches felt that when the biggest trophy is at stake, they should only use their best players.

Opinions?

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

Oh that's terrible, I am sorry. How old? I think it stinks at any age but the younger they are the worse it is. I know no parent drives their child to a game, to watch other peoples' kids play! I think its so unfair.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

He is 8.

i am just trying to understand if I am justified to feel the way I do or if this is common practice.

Message edited 11/7/2013 10:26:17 PM.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

That is horrible. Is it that this sport is truly not for him? Or the coach is just being an azz?
My advice, which worked for us, find him a sport that he will love. Not one that will bring down his confidence. We started my dd on soccer at 3 bc my dh is all about soccer. Played in hs and college. She wasn't a " team player" but she was athletic. Always running away from the ball, being scared of it coming at her or people coming in her face. We found her to be better at solo team sports. She is now an incredible gymnast. She is great at swimming. Loves track, and anything with obstacles. Loves gym. Favorite part of her day.
We will be trying spring softball bc she asked but if it does not work, so be it. There are other fantastic sports out there where he doesn't have to feel this way. If he chooses to stay with this sport, perhaps you can change coaches.

Message edited 11/8/2013 7:00:59 AM.

Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

I would be upset, too. I'm guessing this is a competitive league? Is there a recreational team that kids can join? I think that kids of all abilities should be able to play on a team for FUN, not just to compete.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

I think that's awful. I WAS this child. I played in a recreational soccer league when I was younger, and I have never been fast in my life. Since I wasn't good, the coaches would have me play for a very, very small portion of the game. I spent most of the time on the sidelines. This was when I was from 7-12 years old, and it didn't have any long lasting effects on me or anything like that, but when I think about what these coaches did, I am disgusted.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

I would feel the same way as you. Is it a competitive league like someone mentioned? When I was looking into flag football I was worried about this but the league I found will not let this happen. They would not even allow aggressive parents on the sidelines. They allow everyone to touch the ball. I believe the league starts at kindergarten to 6th grade (i think). The only player on the bench would have really upset me, I think I would say something and then find another league or maybe try another sport he may be better at.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

I think it stinks.

If you pay, your kid should play, no exceptions.

In high school or whatever when there are "stakes" so to speak, I understand playing the best kids only. But not when they are 8 and you are paying.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

If this is a recreational league and my child tried his best when he played I would be upset. IMO the coach is taking the Game too seriously.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

We were playing a 5/6 football league from another town. My husband knew a father on the other team. His son is the smallest on the team (my son is the smallest on his team). he was getting very minimal playing time, so the grandmother got fed up and said something to the coach. His answer was, we are looking for the alpha male out here

I lost all respect for that coach

ETA: You are justified in your feelings. If a child wants to come out and practice and give it their all, let them play.

I can understand a little bit more in a contact sport, where if a kid isn't playing their position right, someone can get hurt, but that is not justified in soccer.

It is awful when our kids are upset

Message edited 11/8/2013 10:31:48 AM.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

We had the same issue with my 9 year old this year and football.

My opinion- If it's a sport that every family has to pay for, registration, uniform, equipment etc. and your automatically placed on a team then every kid deserves the same playing time.

If it's a try-out or draft team where it depends on the skills of the child and competiveness to go onto play-offs, championships etc. then I do believe the coaches need to use their best players to win.

Message edited 11/8/2013 11:10:34 AM.

Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

That's terrible. It's ridiculous to me the way sports for little kids are taken so seriously. I hear stuff from my neighbor about her 6 year old's soccer team and it makes me so glad DD has no interest in sports because she is not athletic and very sensitive.

Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

We did soccer briefly at age 3, and it was sooo competitive then, I can only imagine how worse it gets as they get older! Unfortunately many of these coaches (and parents) are all about the win win win, so I can see this being common amongst a lot of the recreational teams.

I agree with the PP about trying individual sports. Maybe karate or something. My DD does gymnastics, and while it's competitive, and they are having meets, everyone gets equal time to shine.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

That is absolutely horrible!!! I really feel that the coach makes all the difference with these sports. Only when the coach is good is it a worthwhile experience. My DS has had bad coaches that all they did was yell at the kids. Let me tell you, the kid would just stand there. For the last year, we have an amazing, encouraging coach that cheers for everyone's accomplishments and, now, my DS has become one of the best on the team - NOT a coincidence. My point is - I think this situation is doing more harm than good! At your DS's age in my town they start to separate out the travel teams (does your town have them?) the kids try out and are assigned to the A, B or C team. All the A teams play A teams and the B, B etc. At first I thought it was horrible BUT, in practice it is not bad because it eliminates what you describe. The "C" kids and still shine on their team playing the "C" players and it is still an enjoyable and worthwhile experience for them. And, many times the C players end up on the A team after a year or two of good practice! Maybe your town has this as well?

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

In our soccer league, every player has to play at least 50% of every game. At 8 years old, how are you going to see how well he plays, unless you play him?

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

I say it depends, is it a recreational or competitive league?

Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

Every child on the team..any type of team/sport should play every game.period. you pay/sign your child up to play not be a bench warmer. I would be irritated.

Re: Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

I am glad to be reading all the responses. I was rather upset! I couldn't believe he didn't get even a second on the field!

I am planing on sending an email to the unite team of coaches and parents - simply because i have no idea which email is which- and saying how upset I was and how unfair it is to single out one child in this situation.

Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

At 8 years old on an intramural team I think that is absolutely ridiculous. Perhaps if you said it was a Varsity HS team and they were playing for the state championship I could understand. I had this happen to one of my children at the same age and I spoke with the coach about it and explained it was the reason we were leaving the league. Moved on to a different league and he went on to become a very decent player, not the best on the team but definitely a contributing member of the team. I believe that every child should have some playing time at that age.

Opinions needed: how would you feel in this situation?

That situation really stinks for an 8 year old. I think it is too early for teams (that are non competitive) to sit a child for a whole game with no playing time or substantial time.
I coached sports for many years, it wasn't a specialty league but it was pretty competitive as the children go older. When I had young kids everyone played, playoffs were harder especially if we were an A division team. With my older girls, there were times that a child got 5 minutes in a game. It's sad but I also needed to coach for a win. I hated it but that was the nature of the beast that is children's sports these days. I quit a few years ago after serious issues with parents and will never go back. I feel kids aren't allowed to be kids at this age.
Rant over ..... Can you talk to the coach, non confrontational of course or the league director. Ask what their policy is on playing time. And if there is none you might want to look into another league or some type of intramural sport (those usually have playing time requirements) Good luck!