Who did you tell?

Who did you tell about your infertility/ steps you were or are going through? So far my mom knows, my 2 closest friends and a couple co-workers since I've had to change my hours due to all the sonos and blood work. I am starting my 1st round of IVF.

I waiver each day about what to do. I don't think I want to go through telling more people individually and was thinking about making a quick facebook post just to get it in the open. But then I was thinking I might regret that and then there's no taking it back.

Who did you tell and how? Do you regret your decision to tell so many people or do you regret not telling since you now have more support going through everything?

Who did you tell?

You know me, I'm an open book. If someone asks about when we are going to have kids, I am totally honest about what's going on. If I'm having a particularly bad day and post about it on FB, I explain, etc. The way I see it, MC is so unbelievably common and I know I was totally lost when it first happened (when the first one happened) so if my talking about it helps one other woman I know, it's worth it for me to be so open.

Who did you tell?

First cycle, we told no one until after the ER. My DH did not want to and since we were dealing with MFI, I respected his wishes. It was very difficult for me to be so secretive though. I talk to my family every single day and not telling them was killing me. After the ER, my DH realized this was serious stuff and said he was okay with us telling family.

During our 2nd cycle, we started telling close friends.

For our third cycle, I started telling A LOT of people. Honestly, it made me feel better. I would not really get into why we needed to do IVF, but I needed people to know. I think there is no reason to keep your journey a secret.

Now that we are pregnant, we have told some additional people that we used IVF. Someone asked me how we got pregnant - I said, "I went to NYC for 2 weeks withOUT my DH and took drugs everyday - four weeks later - I was pregnant."

As a side note: I am surprised by how many other people we know who have had to also do IVF.

ETA: I would personally not discuss this on FB since there are many people I am not close to that I am "friends" with.

Message edited 11/18/2013 1:59:38 PM.

Who did you tell?

I was VERY private about our struggles, up until the "when are the kids coming" questions became too much. I've slowly started opening up to people- first with my mom, because I needed her to be there when Krauppners was delivering the trigger shot. She in turn told my father, and he has been very supportive- going as far as to building a 2 bedroom apartment for us on the second floor of his home, so we do not have to worry about trying to save for treatment.

We've also come out to a few close friends- not many, but the ones who we did tell have been nothing but supportive. But it took me years to accept the fact that we need medical intervention, and once I came to terms with it, it was much easier to tell others.

Re: Who did you tell?

We originally said that we were just telling parents/siblings...but that list has grown! The people we told about IVF are:

Both sets of parents/grandparents
My brothers
My grandmother
My close friend
DH's 2 cousins

I know that not everyone has kept their mouths shut so pretty much my whole family knows now and DH's one aunt knows. I *think* that's it but can't be positive.

Re: Who did you tell?

Right now only my best friend knows.

DH and I haven't really gotten questions about having kids yet so we haven't shared.

If we have to get to the point were IVF is needed or we god forbid had a loss, we will tell my mom and sister. I will also have to tell my boss (who is also my aunt) because I'm sure I will have to take some days off for different procedures.

I love DH's mom and she has helped us out with things that we needed but she has a big mouth.

Who did you tell?

I told anyone that cared. IMO its not something to hide or be ashamed of and I have found that my stories helped others. To me that is all part of the journey.....If I can help someone along the way then it was worth it.

Who did you tell?

Most family and close friends knew. A couple co-workers, as well, because of changes to my hours at work, etc

I'm pretty open about it, but wouldn't post on Facebook. I personally, did not think my "extended friends" on Facebook really needed to know.

Re: Who did you tell?

Re: Who did you tell?

Thank you so much girls!! I think I'm still in the denial phase thinking that it still could happen on it's own but clearly that is not the case. Possibly if I was not unexplained, this thinking might change.

I guess the hardest part is not knowing what will happen or how someone will react when you say something. But I think it is more me stressing about this and it will be fine in the end. Thanks for all your help!

Re: Who did you tell?

Re: Who did you tell?

Message edited 11/18/2013 5:27:06 PM.

Who did you tell?

A few close friends, my mom, SIL and MIL.... I really don't want anything work related involved because I don't even want it known I'm ttc.... I'm so thankful to have those that do known, they have been my sounding board and been a great support system!!

Who did you tell?

Few close friends. My dad and step mom know but not too many details. My colleagues and some staff know bc I come in with bandage on arm from bloodwork and I'm in everyday a few min late depending on bloodwork appt. Some people thought I was sick!! I'm more of an open book now bc It takes too much work to be private. I've also learned that other teachers etc are going through it as well. Makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone. My SO is more private but I feel like I need the support since most of he IVF is on me. No Facebook at all. I'm not that public.,

Who did you tell?

We have told nobody. I know its crazy after 6 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs but we are very private people. Nobody has really asked directly. I'm sure work people can figure it out bc I tool off 2 days the first week of school and I never take off. IDK if we will ever tell anyone. I mean if we are never able to have kids I guess we would have to. At some point people are gonna be like seriously are you ever having kids?

Re: Who did you tell?

While we were going through IUIs, we didn't tell anyone. I am lucky that my work schedule is flexible so there was no worrying there.

Once we needed to move onto IVF, I told my mom. Also, I had gotten her tickets to a Michael Buble concert as a surprise, and when I told her not to make plans that day because I had a surprise, she said " Oh I hope you are pregnant!" LOL. I felt so bad so I had to tell her what was going on. It's a good thing she loves Michael Buble!

I, personally, would not post on Facebook, because the "Have you tried... relaxing/giving up caffeine/taking vitamins/ standing on your head/using ovulation kits/going organic" helpful advice would make me absolutely nuts.

But you need to do what is best for you. If it makes you feel better, then do it!

Re: Who did you tell?

Re: Who did you tell?

Re: Who did you tell?

Unfortunately, I am at the point where i feel like i told too many people. We have a big family and we aren't private people, but after three failed IVF its just too hard to share the bad news with people so we have decided to keep our cycles between us from now on.

Re: Who did you tell?

Who did you tell?

I only told close family,friends and co workers

Who did you tell?

All the stuff before ivf I only told my few best friends. Ivf number 1 I had to tell work since I would need the days off last minute for retrieval and transfer. I also told my dad and close friends.

Ivf number 2 only told work again bc I had to bc of the days off. I didn't want to tell anyone since ivf 1 didn't work and I couldn't go through that again having to tell everyone.

Who did you tell?

...I also didn't tell anyone until I was at least 12 weeks. And since they knew I was doing treatments I didn't want them asking.

Re: Who did you tell?

with the exception of my brother no one. I've been burn before with my first MC so no I have no intention of telling anyone anything.