Getting past a miscarraige

Good morning everyone. I know I don't post often but I read your posts everyday and it often helps me get through the day, both seeing other women's struggles turn into a dream come true (giving us all hope that it will happen for us all one day) and seeing that I am not the only one going through this journey.

That being said, let me fill you in. After a few months of timed inter course using clomid and no success my re suggest doing and iui. So on November 4th I had my first iui done, dh numbers were great , dr was happy with the timing, so we were hopeful it worked but did t want to get our hope up. 12 days later I took my first hpt that cycle, I got a faint positive but it was there. I tested the next 2 days and confirmed with a digitial we were beyond excited. Went to the dr got the blood test, they confirmed.

The following week we had a Sono done and saw the sack in the right place. Then the next week we had a Sono and saw the baby and the heartbeat. We were so excited. They took my blood again and the dr was concerned because my hcg was on the low side and wasn't going up appropriately and progesterone dropped from 19 to 11. He called me and told me to come in for a Sono ASAP. So at 7w1d we saw that the baby was growing appropriately and heard and saw the heartbeat. Dr said since everything was good in the Sono I should be ok but put me on crinone to help support the pregnancy and released me to my regular Ob.

At 8w3d we went for our first prenatal appt. and came the dreaded news. The dr said there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing around 7 weeks. We were devastated , but I knew in my heart that week it was over.

I scheduled a d&c for the day after Christmas. With the holiday and insurance approvals it was the earliest it could be done. I was scared it was going to happen. Naturally before then. And of course it did. On Christmas Day, late that night I had the worst pain I could imagine and I knew it was coming. I prayed for my body to stop and wait a few hours so they could perform the d&c. It didn't, three hours later he worst part was over.

My question is, how do I go about my normal life when this is all I can ever think about? What are some things that have helped you ladies?

I am sorry if my story scared anyone and I wish this on no one. The one thing that has helped over the past week is reading other peoples stories and sharing what I am going through with friends. Although it is a hard situation for both my friends and I , because no one knows what to say or do.

Thank you for reading.

Getting past a miscarraige

First of all I'm sorry you went through this. It's never easy and you will continue to think about it always.. On your due date, the day you found out, the day you lost the baby, on other peoples showers, birthdays, etc. I mc at 10w and was terrified. I didn't know it was coming but with the spotting I had I knew something wasn't right. What helped me get through it was the support that I got from my family and close friends. Everyone including dh were supportive. I let myself sulk and mourn and continued to pray. 2 years later, still no news for us but we have faith.... All the best to you and dh! May the new year bring you what you want!!

Getting past a miscarraige

I am so truly sorry you had to experience this. I have lost 3 babies in the past year and it is heartbreaking but you need to keep the faith. I totally believe in having sad days and just embracing them and cry it out. My dh and our families have been great and totally understanding of this emotional roller coaster. At times i have had to put myself first and skip showers or first bdays...you have to do what is best for you. I hope the new year brings all of us what we hope for :)

Getting past a miscarraige

I would transfer this over to TTC & pregnancy after miscarriage board as well to get some more input...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The simple answer is you don't. The old "normal" you knew where this didn't happen doesn't exist anymore. That said, every day it gets easier, you'll see it happens very slowly. One day, you'll be putting your head down to go to bed and realize that you went the whole day without crying, then you'll realize you went 2 days, then out of nowhere it'll be a whole week since you cried. As a pp said, there will always be reminders, with friends and family announcements, when you get AF for the first time after, when your due date approaches (my first due date was Christmas). I can't say from personal experience, as I haven't gotten my sticky baby yet, but from what I understand, it doesn't matter if you have 10 children after this, the pain (though dulled with time) will always remain, maybe buried after years of healing.

In the immediate future it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and taking it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. Take time off if you need (for me I was better because I was at work and had some distraction - though for a few weeks my performance definitely suffered). Know that no matter how amazing your DH is, though he will be supportive, he may not understand exactly how you feel... They have a tendency to 'heal' a little faster and very differently than we do... I know for my DH he just doesn't get it exactly, and for a few months I was really bad and it got him very frustrated because he didn't know how to help me and he hated seeing me so upset.

Also, know that you are very far from alone. Something like 40% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, and 99% of those women go on of have perfectly I eventful pregnancies after.

Re: Getting past a miscarraige

I'm so sorry for your loss, there's no getting back to "normal" at least for me. The most you can do is take it one day at a time.

Re: Getting past a miscarraige

I'm so sorry

I have to agree with the others. Sadly, you never get over it, or so I have been told myself. It will get easier in time though to look past it. And like one of the PP said, you need to put yourself first and don't ever let anyone make you feel selfish for it. If you need to skip certain events or bow out of people's company here and there, then that is what you do.

I've spoken with friends who have had mc in the past. They all say the same thing, you never will forget that baby you lost. HOWEVER, one day you will hold your baby in your arms and look down and realize that this is the baby you were meant to have. I'm not sure how I feel about all of the "meant to be" and "not meant to be". I'm very skeptical these days after 2 losses. Unfortunately, there are no real good answers for why some of us have to go through this. A very good friend of mine told me that she can understand infertility as being part of the "journey". (She has had 2 successful IVF's). But losses she cannot wrap her arms around. It seems like senseless pain.

Me personally, I still have my days. My first loss was a chemical in June ( our first attempt at trying on our own before going back to the RE). I was SO angry. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the back. I hadn't even expected to get pregnant on my own. And then to have it taken away as quickly as it came........it was awful. We moved on and were lucky again. I got pregnant once again on my own 3 months later, this time under the care of my RE (we were getting ready for a clomid and IUI cycle when I found out I was pregnant again). We had a sono, saw the sac and everything. I mc at 6.5 weeks. What makes that loss even more difficult is that my SIL is pregnant and due the exact same day I was supposed to be due. Although I am very happy for her bc I know she tried a long time for this baby, there are parts of me that are still very bitter. Why did she get to keep her baby and I didn't?? They just did a gender reveal on Christmas and I couldn't be there for it. I begged DH to understand and to please not ask me to go and put a smile on my face. Typically I am not a "me me me" person, but I just couldn't trust myself not to get emotional and ruin the moment for everyone. And you know what, some people may have thought I was being inconsiderate and selfish while others were totally supportive.

Ultimately, I had to do what was best for me. Because no matter what anyone tells you, unless you have been through it yourself, you will never fully understand the emotional, physical and mental pain of losing a pregnancy. I've had people tell me they can relate bc they know someone close to them who had a loss. I usually just nod my head and try to change the subject.

Talk to people. Don't be afraid to. Find people you feel very comfortable with and who you know won't judge you if you just let unfiltered thoughts come out of your mouth. That may not be your DH though. I've found that there are certain things I cannot say in front of him. He was very sad about the losses too, but the truth is he just deals differently. And he was able to move on faster than I. At first people who knew always danced around the topic. I could tell they didn't know what to say. That actually made it worse for me. I didn't like people trying to act like it never happened. Because it did and there was no pretending it didn't for me. And try not to get upset if someone who you are close with just doesn't understand or doesn't seem to say the right thing. Like I said, it's hard unless you have experienced it.

I'm not sure if what I've said has been helpful. I'm still trying to figure it out myself. But at the very least you can know that you are not alone in this. Let yourself be angry and sad and give yourself time to heal. The one "positive" I can point out to you is you are already under the care of a specialist. I know that being with my RE has made me a little more comfortable moving forward TTC.

Getting past a miscarraige

I am so sorry. You have been through so much. I can't relate to having an actual miscarriage but I had countless failed cycles with IUIs and IVFs and 2 chemicals. Its upsetting and so unfair. You can get pregnant so that is a step in the right direction. All you can do is keep on trying and hope that the baby sticks. Hang in there. Let's hope for a better 2014.

Getting past a miscarraige

I can't thank you all enough for your responses. I know each day will be a little better and am so thankful for your cyber support. I have no one in my life who has gone through this, except my mil, who unfortunately had been though 6 miscarriages, but ended up with 2 healthy children.

Getting past a miscarraige

I am so very sorry. I've had chemicals and I still think about those babies even though I never saw them on a screen. It gets better but it never ever goes away.

Getting past a miscarraige

It gets easier. I find that by pushing forward I feel better and can focus on the future not the past. Some days I get very angry, but mostly I tell myself I did get pregnant so it will happen again.

Re: Getting past a miscarraige

Just wanted to send some hugs...