No more IVF.

I know this isn't smart with horrible ovaries like mine but I need to get away from the negative feelings I am having towards IVF, medications, needles, acupuncture, everything. I want to go into another medicated cycle with 100% positivity and I am not feeling that way at all.

Two IVFs later and I am only getting one embryo make it to day 5, and both did not lead to pregnancy. Part of me is thinking IVF is not our answer. It is just not worth if for us to get just one mature egg each time and pay thousands for it when my body ovulates normally each month. We tried two diff protocols with the same result. I have just decided to not to put myself through all of it again.

Do I have an ovarian dysfunction?
Do I react adversely to medications?
My hormone levels and amh do not reflect that I have no good eggs left so my RE is confused.

I just don't know what to do at this point to have a baby.
I spent today hugging my little boy and secretly crying knowing that I will not get the opportunity to hold a little baby in my arms again. I think I am mourning the fact that I won't be a mother to another child. I was cleaning out my DS's drawer and took some old pants to give to the poor and he wouldn't let me saying I have to give them to his little brother. I finally just told him that I don't think he will have a little brother and he just looks at me and says-- mommy, lets just wait and see.
Secondary IF sucks but it was something I was warned about after my first endo surgery. I was talking to my boss about it yesterday and he reminded me that 10 years ago, they told me I would never naturally conceive a baby without IVF and I had my DS on my own so it is all possible if it is meant to be.
It's just my time to let go of the process for now. I wish I was an IVF success story but it does not work for my body at all. Maybe I am just too far gone. Just wish I could turn back time and not wait so long. This all sucks and AF hormones are not helping. We just don't know where to turn anymore.

Re: No more IVF.

I wouldn't make such a big decision while you're in the midst of dealing with AF hormones, which are probably multiplied by a bazillion because you're also mourning the loss of this past cycle. Take some time to regroup.

Does Dr. T think that part of the problem could be male factor issues because of DH's varicocele?

I know you like Dr. T, but have you considered getting another opinion elsewhere?

You had posted previously that you think you still have active endo. Are you still considering going for another lap?

My AMH is similar to yours and I also have a history of severe endo, so I can totally relate to what you're saying. They're going to change my protocol for my next IVF to try to work around the endo a bit more. I don't think we'll be able to afford another round after that, so it's nerve wracking to think we might be coming to the end of the road.

Re: No more IVF.

Posted by MrsM0829

I wouldn't make such a big decision while you're in the midst of dealing with AF hormones, which are probably multiplied by a bazillion because you're also mourning the loss of this past cycle. Take some time to regroup.

Does Dr. T think that part of the problem could be male factor issues because of DH's varicocele?

I know you like Dr. T, but have you considered getting another opinion elsewhere?

You had posted previously that you think you still have active endo. Are you still considering going for another lap?

My AMH is similar to yours and I also have a history of severe endo, so I can totally relate to what you're saying. They're going to change my protocol for my next IVF to try to work around the endo a bit more. I don't think we'll be able to afford another round after that, so it's nerve wracking to think we might be coming to the end of the road.

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If you're on the fence about another lap, seriously consider sending your records to the CEC in Georgia. They'll review your records for free and discuss whether they'd recommend another surgery. For me, while it wasn't a miracle cure for IF for me, it has drastically improved my quality of life. The doctors and staff there were beyond amazing!

As for the IVF, you and DH are the only ones who can decide what the right path is for you. Maybe the meds are just putting too much stress on your system and your body is reacting adversely. I know that there is a lot of science that goes into it, but I also think that there is a fair amount of guesswork as to what protocol a doctor follows, etc.

No more IVF.

I'm so sorry. I agree with the others that I wouldn't make such a huge decision while still in the midst of a fresh failed cycle. For me secondary IF has been harder mainly because you yearn to give your DC a brother or sister. I'm here if you need to talk.

The good thing you have on your side is that you have gotten pregnant numerous times on your own. That is awesome..I would keep trying naturally and have your DH do the varicocele repair. You are still young too. Don't give up hope.

No more IVF.

I am sending hugs.

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this just plain sucks.

No more IVF.

I'm sorry. You know my story. This is all just so unfair. We do all these crazy things to have a negative result in the end. I just don't get it.

Take some time off to have DH do the surgery and then take it from there.

Hang in there.

No more IVF.

Whatever you decide.. I wish you the best of luck!!!

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so very sorry Lillies, I totally understand where you are coming from. We've just started the talk about adopting, with my age and terrible ovaries I have to start being realistic. It;s really unfair.

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I am with most that not to make such a huge decision now. Take time, have ur DH go thru his surgery and see where u stand then.
But either way, I am really sorry u are going thru all of this. IF is a horrible-horrible affliction.
Broker my heart the part with ur son
sending u good energies

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I'm so so sorry things haven't worked out for you, yet. Take this sad energy and turn it into good energy for the son you already have. I know it's easier to say than do but it's how I try to get through my sad days. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers that you will get through this and hopefully have another beautiful baby to hold and love!!

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i'm so sorry that you're going through this!

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I'm so sorry. It seems like there are other things that might help increase your chances both on your end (endo) and your DH end (the surgery) so I would try not to give up hope yet. Those might be affecting your chance of success with IVF. I would do whatever you think is best, but try not to make any final decisions in the middle of AF. (((hugs)))

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I'm sorry that this is so hard. Take some time to yourself. This isn't an easy decision. Only you know what's best for you and your family.

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I know it's an emotional decision but wouldn't you guys not want to go through it again if each time you only got one embryo? I don't know if I want to bother anymore if I can have an IUI and get more follicles from that! Ugh just angry right now. I know it will pass.

Re: No more IVF.

You have every right to be angry!

I was disappointed that we only had 1 embryo make it to transfer, but we knew that I was not likely to have a tremendous response to the stims because of my AMH and FSH numbers. Trying again, though, is really our only option. Due to finances, we'll probably only be able to try once more with my eggs. They are making some changes to my protocol this time, but I'm not expecting to be one of those people who gets a large number of follies and embies. If this cycle doesn't work, we'll have to consider saving up (or robbing a bank) to try with donor eggs.

This may be a stupid question since I've never done IUI, but has the doctor been able to explain why you'd get more follicles with IUI than with IVF?

I hope that whatever you decide is what's best for you and your family!

Message edited 4/16/2014 3:16:09 PM.

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No more IVF.

I'm so sorry Lillies! When I read this "....and secretly crying knowing that I will not get the opportunity to hold a little baby in my arms again. I think I am mourning the fact that I won't be a mother to another child." I almost started crying because that is exactly how I've been feeling.

Take some time before making a final decision. It's hard when you are right in the middle of it and everything isn't going your way. I hope everything works out for you!

No more IVF.

I am so sorry Lillies. I am of the mind that you have to know your limits and set a boundary somewhere as there will always be one more thing to try, one more trick, someone pushing you to try more. If telling yourself now that you are not willing to do IVF again makes you feel relief, then say it. Maybe from there you can feel some relief, rest and find the calm to move forward, whatever it may be.
I told my nurse the other day that this is it, last round I am doing and she looked horrified and told me NOOO, I cannot stop, I must graduate, etc. But that's not fair - its more pressure on us. Everyone wants a happy ending and family and friends push us forward to find it. However, at what cost? Everyone's line is different - only you can decide. And for you, you are not fully stopping - you are stepping back and trying to be realistic and rational. Good luck in your decision.