how would you feel about this?

SIL's been bugging me a little bit lately. It feels like she doesn't care (or comprehend) that we're having a baby. I'm due Dec 15th. First she decided that for Christmas this year the family should all pitch in & treat MIL to a play on Dec 20th. She kept bothering DH to come. No, I'm not being left alone for an entire day & night with my 4 yr old & a NB. Why would you plan that kind of gift THIS year and still expect us to pitch in & be part of it?? We declined (but not without having to pay for MILs entire ticket, which was a ridiculous price). Now she just texted DH tonight & said she's setting up a big family photo to be done on Dec 27th, which will take place in a town 45 min from us. Again, WHY is this suddenly being planned THIS year?

How would you respond to that?

My concerns are multiple. I'll be just a week or 2 out of hospital. Meaning I'll be sore, bleeding, only JUST getting the hang of our schedule & BFing, plus just feeling unattractive & unhuman, & sooooo not in the mood to travel & have my pic taken. Another obvious concern is baby. A week or 2 old out of the house for an entire day around all those people & winter germs??

I told DH that if he wants to go, do it but that me & baby won't be joining. WWYD?

how would you feel about this?

I don't understand how it changed from you guys pitching in to you guys paying for your MIL's whole ticket? I wouldn't want to do the picture either and I'd just tell her that it doesn't sound like a good idea for baby and me.

how would you feel about this?

I would absolutely not go. Germ central! And all of your reasons are completely valid. Does SIL have any kids? I can't imagine that she does, anyone would realize the rough state you will be in!

I wouldn't go and don't feel badly about it.

how would you feel about this?

I would think shes completely clueless. I wouldnt feel bad abt missing the photo, just tell her no it isn't going to work for you. As for paying for the ticket that really sucks, I hope it counts as your Holiday gift to MIL.

Re: how would you feel about this?

I think its bullshite! Why did you guys have to pay for her entire ticket?? Cause dh said he couldnt go?. Shes being really unreasonable. Id decline anything she wants to do. Obviously she doesnt grasp the concept of a NB!

Message edited 11/18/2015 7:07:24 AM.

how would you feel about this?

I wouldn't go. That's definitely asking too much of new parents with a newborn who needs to be kept away from germs. You do what you feel comfortable with, and what your mommy instinct tells you is right for your baby. Don't worry if your dhs family is mad. They don't have the right to just schedule things without asking you or taking your needs into consideration and expect you to show up.

Re: how would you feel about this?

Does she have kids?? What the hell? I'd tell her thanks but no thanks, we're not participating in the family photo at that time. Maybe late in January, but that's as early as I would feel comfortable going!

Re: how would you feel about this?

Okay, I am sooo happy to hear these responses because I was seriously starting to wonder if I was being too sensitive about all of this. I don't want it to bother me, but it truly does. To answer some questions:

- Yes, she DOES have kids! That's what baffles me even more. However, they're 16 and 10 so maybe she's just forgotten what it's like to give birth and have a newborn in the house?? I just remember what a serious struggle the healing process was for me with #1. I was in a lot of pain and bled horribly. To even picture myself being out of the house an entire day with all of that going on (WITH trying to feed and take care of a NB) just seems like unnecessary stress.

- About the Christmas gift for MIL. That pissed me off, to be honest. SIL made these plans and asked everybody to pitch in not only with their own tickets, but with MIL's too. We declined from going, but DH told her that we can still be part of the gift itself even if we can't BE there for it. The price for the ticket wasn't very much so he told his sister that we'll just pay for it that way it helps everybody else out with getting their own tickets. I thought that was a LITTLE silly because if people are just buying their own tickets, then how is it a gift for MIL? It's a gift for yourself. lol. But whatever. Like I said, the price wasn't too bad. So SIL went ahead and ordered the tickets, then called DH that night and told him that the seats just didn't seem good enough so she bumped them up to DOUBLE their price!! WTF? I told DH that is unacceptable and to just let her know that we agreed to X amount and that's all we'll pay. She and the others can split the difference. Turd that he is already told her that he was annoyed by the change without notice, but that he'd still pay it. I think it's a stupid GUY thing, like he doesn't want people to think he can't afford things or something. But I was fuming about it.


Meanwhile, I'd just like to add that from the very beginning (meaning back in September) we had told the family that we were not going to be participating in Christmas this year. It's usually at my house, but we asked them to do it elsewhere this year since I will have just given birth and will not be able to host or even travel to be part of it. I'd rather just be at home physically healing and taking care of my NB. I didn't think that was too much to ask. So the fact that she then decides to do this 'family outing' as a gift this year is obnoxious and now a 'family photoshoot' too. I'm seriously confused. Is it her just being clueless or is she purposely trying to cause problems? I honestly don't know.

Would you say anything to her? I keep wondering if I should just shoot her a text and let her know that I won't be able to do the photoshoot on the 27th. Or maybe I should just ignore it and just not show up because I shouldn't be expected to anyhow. Or I could offer to have it done here in my town that way I can be in and out rather than traveling and spending a day elsewhere. I really don't know.

Re: how would you feel about this?

That's pretty bizarre. You would think she would be more empathetic having two kids herself, no matter HOW long it's been. Do you have an ok relationship with her? Or do you think she's actually trying to stir the pot? I hope she's just being a little obtuse. I'd tell her there's no way you're participating in the family photo and just to do it themselves. I wouldn't accuse her of anything though.

That would drive me nuts about the tickets, too, but my DH would totally do the same thing. Men! I'd leave it alone but I'd almost consider it a part of EVERYONE'S Christmas gifts. Like you said, they basically just bought themselves tickets to a show and said it was for your MIL. Ridiculous.

Re: how would you feel about this?

It's sounds like she is trying to deflect attention away from you intentionally when the baby is born. Do what you think is best and don't let the drama affect your decision. Take care of baby and yourself and let them know you won't be participating. Don't try to make her understand. She probably knows she's being unreasonable.

Re: how would you feel about this?

Posted by Momma2015

That's pretty bizarre. You would think she would be more empathetic having two kids herself, no matter HOW long it's been. Do you have an ok relationship with her? Or do you think she's actually trying to stir the pot? I hope she's just being a little obtuse. I'd tell her there's no way you're participating in the family photo and just to do it themselves. I wouldn't accuse her of anything though.

That would drive me nuts about the tickets, too, but my DH would totally do the same thing. Men! I'd leave it alone but I'd almost consider it a part of EVERYONE'S Christmas gifts. Like you said, they basically just bought themselves tickets to a show and said it was for your MIL. Ridiculous.

Message edited 11/18/2015 3:07:24 PM.

Re: how would you feel about this?

Re: how would you feel about this?

She's either clueless or just inconsiderate, but I definitely would not do the photo shoot with a NB.

I am due first week of December and our family has been great - no one's pushed us to plan or do anything and understands everything's up in the air this year.

Sorry you have to deal with that - ugh!!

Re: how would you feel about this?

Have you asked if the pictures could be held off for a bit so that you and the baby can be in them? This screams sil has no kids and doesn't understand what it's like, and hopefully she will be understanding if you let her know.

Eta- I wrote before I read the update. The fact she has kids makes me think she's just inconsiderate. Sorry you have to go through this.

Message edited 11/18/2015 12:23:03 PM.

Re: how would you feel about this?

Re: how would you feel about this?

yup, in-laws can be a real pickle in the @ss sometimes. lol. I just told DH that he should handle it today so that she has plenty of notice (which takes away any of her excuses to b!tch later). I think it should come from him so that me responding doesn't play on any drama she may be trying to stir, because I definitely am feeling like her planning all this stuff for Christmas time (when we specifically said we cannot participate this year) is intentional. I just told him to tell her that he and DD can try to make it, but that I will still be recovering. Simple as that. It should go without saying, but clearly not in SIL's case. So hopefully he responds to her with that today, otherwise I just will.

Re: how would you feel about this?

I would tell the SIL that if she wants you and the new baby in the pic that she is going to need to make it a different date. 2 weeks post partum isn't enough time for you to have recovered and be ready for all these outings. This is crazy.

Re: how would you feel about this?

Well, to update. DH told her flat out that we can't do it (he doesn't want to be in a 'family photo' without his wife & son. That's dumb). He thinks the problem is that she's always been self-centered, so she's just not thinking of anyone else. You know what's kind of annoying though? He had told her how I'm going to be still recovering and she was just like "Oh, she'll be fine after a week". What the hell kind of assumption is that?? I tore quite a bit with DD and it took some real time to heal (I remember it being between 4-6wks before I even felt HUMAN again). So to say that I SHOULD be able to run around 2 weeks postpartum is just obnoxious.

Re: how would you feel about this?

Re: how would you feel about this?

Re: how would you feel about this?

She's being ridiculous! Does she have kids? Can DH talk to her about not making any family plans until a few month from now?

Re: how would you feel about this?

Re: how would you feel about this?

how would you feel about this?

Whether you feel fine or not who wants to be in a family photo 2 weeks after giving birth.. absolutely no one!! You are absolutely right to be annoyed with all of this

Re: how would you feel about this?