My heart hurts :-(

3 more people I know announced pregnancies this weekend and another 3 of my friends are pregnant. I am up to 25 people announcing/ having babies in the last 19 months. My heart hurts so much I can't take it. I can't take going to my in laws anymore- life is all about my niece as it should be- it's the first grandchild but now we never see DHs family without the entire extended family getting together, with non stop talking about the baby- we literally never have a conversation about anything else besides the baby- I can't take it. I can't go there any more. I can't see my closest friend who is pregnant. I am an awful person and my heart is so broken.
I don't even know why I'm writing this is I just need to get it out

Re: My heart hurts :-(

You are NOT an awful person. You are a human being who is suffering. It is very hard to watch people celebrating the beautiful gift of life ( a gift that many people treat as a right) when you are fighting tooth and nail to have the same for yourself. You are NOT alone. My younger sister had her DD 3 years ago while DH and I doing battle with unexplained infertility and subsequently 2 back to back miscarriages. I felt like a horrible person for having to leave the room to cry when she told the family and every event involving her there after. All of my friends were pregnant and many complaining about it. I wanted to explode. It is a battle that we seem to feel we are alone in but we are not. I became much more open about things and found so many more people knew and experienced my pain than I thought. I was honest with my friends when I couldn't bear going to there showers. They knew that I was very happy for them but in mourning for myself. Know you are not alone, do what makes you feel comfortable and be entitled to feel how you want to feel without feeling guilty. I hope and pray you get your BFP soon.

Re: My heart hurts :-(

I am a lurking IF graduate.

I was in your shoes too. I probably wrote a post or two like this also. It felt like everyone I knew was pregnant. My younger brother and his wife had 2 babies before I even got to have my first. My younger sister got PG before me too.

I had a long 4-5 year journey, and now I have a happy and healthy 4 year old.

It may not feel like it right now, but your time will come. Keep the faith.

Re: My heart hurts :-(

You are writing it because this is probably one of the safest places to say it all.

Sending you the biggest hug I can

Re: My heart hurts :-(

I've been where you are. I know the hurt. You are not a horrible person at all, just a normal human being struggling with the pain of infertility. It sucks and it's so scary because you're constantly thinking your time will never come, until it does. I hope and pray you get your time soon.

Re: My heart hurts :-(

You are not a bad person. You are hurting. We have all been there at one point or another. Infertility is awful. Seeing life "happen" around you while you feel stuck is awful. Not being able to feel happiness for others is awful. Not having the rest of the world understand your pain is awful. EVERYTHING is awful because you are struggling and no one ^)#$^)^* gets it unless they have been or are in your shoes. Praying that you - and every woman on this board - get's her moment too!!!! xoxo

Re: My heart hurts :-(

Posted by 08BabySurprise

You are not a bad person. You are hurting. We have all been there at one point or another. Infertility is awful. Seeing life "happen" around you while you feel stuck is awful. Not being able to feel happiness for others is awful. Not having the rest of the world understand your pain is awful. EVERYTHING is awful because you are struggling and no one ^)#$^)^* gets it unless they have been or are in your shoes. Praying that you - and every woman on this board - get's her moment too!!!! xoxo

Re: My heart hurts :-(

Ugh I feel your pain, even though I have a DD and want #2 so bad and taking almost 3 years and 2 people announced they are pregnant this weekend one of them being my SIL. She actually wanted me to announce it? do you believe that crap??? she doesn't know I have IF issues (so I think) since we are very quiet about it but still.

Hang in there!!

Re: My heart hurts :-(

So sorry you are hurting. This board is the best place to vent and to be understood. We are all struggling with infertility in our own way. I was where you are a few years ago. I remember the pain of watching everyone around me get pg and having their babies. I remember boycotting FB b/c I couldn't stand to see all the birth announcements and baby pictures... but then I eventually got pg and had my daughter. Now we are trying for baby #2 and it's taking even longer.This time, we want a baby but also a sibling for our daughter. This struggle is painful in a different way and sometimes people can make stupid comments and be cruel. I have been asked how much longer I'll try since I'm 39, why I waited so long to have children and told that I should just be thankful that I have my DD.
You are not an awful person... you want a baby! It's not that you don't want other people to be happy... you just want that for yourself too!
Keep your eye on the prize. Be good to yourself and try to enjoy life. It will happen- that's what I tell myself everyday. "The best things in life are worth waiting for."

My heart hurts :-(

We all get it! Its so hard and unfair. I kept on telling myself my day has to come one day.

Re: My heart hurts :-(

I totally understand how you feel! I feel like everyone I know has gotten pregnant and had a baby since we've started trying. Heck one of them now has a two year old! It's heartbreaking and nobody understands what you're going through except the people who are going through it with you. Just the other day my sister texted me while I was at work to tell me a friend of ours is pregnant with a girl. I immediately began tearing up at work, I'm happy for her but my heart wishes it was me every time I hear another person is pregnant. I told my sister she made me cry at work and she was like oh I thought you'd be happy, clearly no understanding for what I'm going through.

My heart hurts :-(

I just wanted to send you a million hugs!

My heart hurts :-(

I found I stayed away from people who were preg including going to baby showers. Now at work I have no choice because the population I work with are pregnant ladies.

You are entitled to feel sad, angry pissed and jealous, so give yourself permission to do so.

My heart hurts :-(

Thank you all of you for sharing your feelings and letting me know I am not alone. It is truly comforting. I cried all day yesterday and just couldn't help it- and of coarse AF showed yesterday and it just made matters worse. I really thought this would be it. I had a long heart to heart with DH tonight and told him he needs to tell his brother to stop sending 300 pictures of videos of my niece daily and that I just need space- it will make matters worse I know it. My SIL is very passive aggressive and knows that if somethings bothering me she takes it and runs with it to make you feel worse- DH knows it and sees it so I have to be prepared for that. Unfortunately I won't be seeing my ILs for a while since every day DHs whole family is together and my niece is there. DH at first kept saying I need to put this aside that this is my niece and whatnot until I told him exactly how I was feeling. He could see just how much pain I am in. I'm ok but as soon as the group family texts fly around all day every day- it's a constant reminder. I feel awful for not seeing one of my closest friends either they are coming over in 2 weeks for DHs birthday and to be honest I would love to uninvite them I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be this person, I didn't think this would hurt as bad as it does, and I never thought I would be the one to shut the world out but here I am. It truly helps talking to you guys to know I'm not the only one who feels or has felt this way. I feel like if I said what I have said here to my family and friends they would think I am the most heartless person. To the person that wrote "the best things in life are worth waiting for," you are so correct and that has truly stuck in my mind. I am trying to tell myself that, knowing the long road ahead. Hopefully one day this all becomes a distant memory and I completely forget this pain. I give you all so much credit and respect for getting through each day!

Re: My heart hurts :-(

You are not wrong to feel this way, I also am an IF graduate so I know the feeling. Going through IF while it seems everyone around you is getting pregnant sucks. I don't blame you if you want to keep your distance, and your BIL/SIL should respect what you are going through and honor your wishes for now. Hugs to you

Re: My heart hurts :-(

You are not alone. I have distanced myself from a lot of people during this journey. Since I've been TTC, some couples have gotten engaged, married, and had one child. Meanwhile, time has stood still for me- well not really, because I've gotten older. But I'm where I started.

What you are feeling is very normal.