my heart hurts

So DS has been asking me to have a baby. He hates being an only child (and I don't blame him) but DH & I are just not ready to throw a baby into the mix... ALTHOUGH we are not against TTCing... we ARE actually- but not aggressively. Kind of a "pull & pray" method.

ANYWAY- I was cleaning out my macbook yesterday and I came across a word file with his name on it. I'm guessing he used my computer to work on a paper for school. It was created last year.

Here are the contents:
“Oh man”! It really stinks being an only child. Just the other day I was playing with my wrestlers and I had no one else to play with.
The first explanation it stinks being an only child, because there’s no one to play with. Some video games are a lot of fun on multi-player mode, but I can’t play because there’s no one else to play with me. It also stinks being an only child, because you can’t play board games. It is also really boring to be an only child because it’s hard to be an only child because it’s hard to keep yourself busy. For example when you’re at the salon with your mom you have no one to talk to. I would just say “ma can I go home”. It can really get boring at some places and it is hard to keep yourself busy. My mom and dad are almost always busy. I asked my mom to play games with me but she’s almost always busy cleaning the house.
It can also get really bad being an only child because you can’t blame anyone when I break something. I broke a window and had no one to blame it on. I threw a baseball at a window and bam it went right through the window.
Another reason why is because you have no brothers or sisters to help you with homework, any problems you have, and when your frightened.
In conclusion, in my opinion as an only child, it is hard not having a brother. It gets boring having no one to play with, scary when you're frightened and sad when mom and dad are busy. I wish I had a brother.

This just makes me SO SAD... I do play with him-- I just cannot give him ALL of my attention and life has been really busy during my time in graduate school. I'm going to try and spend more time with him, doing things HE likes.

Its hard b/c I am so terrified of having another baby b/c of where my husband and I are in our careers...We're not struggling but we just get by these days and have VERY little saved.

but I know I will regret it if I don't have one.

Funny though-- I like how he makes NO MENTION of having a sister He has voiced his opinion about "sisters"

Any advice?

Re: my heart hurts

No advice but reading this just made up my mind about having another child! That must have been soo hard to read!!!

Re: my heart hurts

no advice....my DS is only 2 1/2 but I so much want him to have a sibling for all the reasons your DS stated.


I was the oldest of 5 growing up and there was always a "scape goat" in our house

Re: my heart hurts

Re: my heart hurts

awww...its so sweet.

seems like a kid with a good heart that he wants to share it with.

Re: my heart hurts

Re: my heart hurts

It would break my heart to read this. This would probably be enough for me to get busy and make another baby . But in all seriousness, you have to do what's right for you and your family.

Re: my heart hurts

I have 2 boys already and this made me want another----your son is pretty persuasive, possible future politician? All joking aside, if you feel like you will always regret it, then it's something to seriously consider and at least talk more about with your DH. I know for many its the finances that play such a big part, so it's not as simple as just deciding if you want another. Good luck with your decision

Re: my heart hurts

Posted by LJSMommy

no advice....my DS is only 2 1/2 but I so much want him to have a sibling for all the reasons your DS stated.


I was the oldest of 5 growing up and there was always a "scape goat" in our house

Re: my heart hurts

Re: my heart hurts

Posted by MrsA714



It would break my heart to read this. This would probably be enough for me to get busy and make another baby . But in all seriousness, you have to do what's right for you and your family.

Re: my heart hurts

Awww, that letter really was very sad (but also very well written at the same time -- I'm impressed )

I am an only child and never really wanted siblings (as far as I can remember) My life was filled with cousins, aunts, uncles, vacations, parties. It was all I knew so I was happy.

But, to read his sadness about being an only really breaks your heart. Could you talk to him and tell him that you do want another baby, but you're just not sure when it's going to happen. That could give him some hope that a sibling (even if it's a girl ) is in his future.

I have to say though, he really is one smart cookie. I can understand why you're so proud of him! You did good girl

ETA: After seeing your response, you know that having a baby is the scariest thing ever - but look at how amazing Aiden is, and just think about bringing another little baby into the beautiful mix that is your family. You will make it work for you and DH and the baby will just mesh with your lives now.

Message edited 1/3/2011 2:34:41 PM.

Re: my heart hurts

aww no advice as in my dd is only 2months but just try and give him alittle more time each day, i know its easier said then done.

Re: my heart hurts

Posted by HeathKernandez

Posted by nickipa
your son is pretty persuasive, possible future politician?

oh.... he DEFINITELY is...

DH & I have talked about it. He wants a baby too but we're both just so frightened.

Re: my heart hurts

OMG my heart just ached for you reading that!!!

i have no advice either, just

Re: my heart hurts

that must have been so hard to read.

the only thing i really want to say though is that A will not get what he is looking for out of a little sib for a long time. he is at an age where the discrepancy will be so great between them that the dynamic will be different.

little sib will get from A most of what he wrote down, but A will also be at an age when he is out with friends and won't have as much time for the little sib, who will also have the same experience A is having how (big brother out with friends and parents very busy).

it's not an easy thing. the bomb is 8 years younger than his brother and grew up for the most part like an only. I am the oldest of 5, and I just didn't play with the younger 3 the way they would have liked.

I think you and your husband would make wonderful parents to another child...your husband especially is so dedicated to A. but the reality of the new baby and his/her place in your family will be different. A's writing has his lil brother a year behind him in school and helping him vanquish the monsters in the closet at night, and we know that will not be the case.

Good luck with your decision. it is a heavy one.

Re: my heart hurts

So he's cute, and persuasive, oh lord, look out little girls a future Brad Pitt on our hands here.

Re: my heart hurts

Im sorry but this part of his story made me laugh:

"It can also get really bad being an only child because you can’t blame anyone when I break something."

Re: my heart hurts

Awww how sweet!

I do have to say that i laughed, alot, at the part about not having someone to blame things on I LOVE the way kids think!

Re: my heart hurts

Posted by Ophelia

that must have been so hard to read.

the only thing i really want to say though is that A will not get what he is looking for out of a little sib for a long time. he is at an age where the discrepancy will be so great between them that the dynamic will be different.

little sib will get from A most of what he wrote down, but A will also be at an age when he is out with friends and won't have as much time for the little sib, who will also have the same experience A is having how (big brother out with friends and parents very busy).

it's not an easy thing. the bomb is 8 years younger than his brother and grew up for the most part like an only. I am the oldest of 5, and I just didn't play with the younger 3 the way they would have liked.

I think you and your husband would make wonderful parents to another child...your husband especially is so dedicated to A. but the reality of the new baby and his/her place in your family will be different. A's writing has his lil brother a year behind him in school and helping him vanquish the monsters in the closet at night, and we know that will not be the case.

Good luck with your decision. it is a heavy one.

Re: my heart hurts

Posted by HeathKernandez

Posted by MrsA714



It would break my heart to read this. This would probably be enough for me to get busy and make another baby . But in all seriousness, you have to do what's right for you and your family.

Its hard b/c DS is 10... we're finally starting to get some "us" time. I was a single mom until DS was 5 -- so my husband and I were never "just a couple" we were always parents... you know?

Re: my heart hurts

Posted by Ophelia

that must have been so hard to read.

the only thing i really want to say though is that A will not get what he is looking for out of a little sib for a long time. he is at an age where the discrepancy will be so great between them that the dynamic will be different.

Message edited 1/3/2011 2:45:17 PM.

Re: my heart hurts

Posted by MrsA714

Posted by HeathKernandez

Posted by MrsA714



It would break my heart to read this. This would probably be enough for me to get busy and make another baby . But in all seriousness, you have to do what's right for you and your family.

Its hard b/c DS is 10... we're finally starting to get some "us" time. I was a single mom until DS was 5 -- so my husband and I were never "just a couple" we were always parents... you know?

Whatever the future holds for you, I assure you that you will not be doing any long term damage to him if he ends up an only child. I know plenty of only children and they're all fine (no more or less crazy then all the other people I know that do have siblings). It's definitely a tough decision though.

Re: my heart hurts

Posted by MrsProfessor

Posted by Ophelia

that must have been so hard to read.

the only thing i really want to say though is that A will not get what he is looking for out of a little sib for a long time. he is at an age where the discrepancy will be so great between them that the dynamic will be different.

I think this is important to remember- it sounds more like your DS wants a friend- he probably won't get what he expects from a sibling, and there is the chance that you'll have a girl. That's not to say that a baby sibling wouldn't be great for him, but I think if you have another it should be because you and your DH want one.

I grapple with this too because my DD is VERY likely to be an only- I don't know if I want another- and I am hoping to change careers by the time she starts school in Sept 2012. So my options are: stay in a job that takes a lot out of me, and have another baby OR get into a line of work that will allow me to be more involved with her, but she'll be an only. I'm also almost 39 so that is definitely a factor too. It's very hard!

Message edited 1/3/2011 2:48:23 PM.

Re: my heart hurts

I'm going to throw this out there, and I know some people don't agree with me.

You will never have enough money or time for a child.

Ok, maybe not "NEVER" but you know what I mean. I'm not rolling in the dough and my DH works for the city so he's not either. We don't own a house yet. We don't have a sh*tload of savings. We both work fulltime with no option of either of us staying home with our child/ren.

I'm sure we won't be sending DS or any of his future siblings to $5000 sleep away camp for the summers.

And I'm sure there are other things we may not be able to do for him in the future.

BUT, he will always have two parents who adore him, who will teach him the true value of things, give him as many experiences as we can, etc. And so will any future children we have.

The fear ALMOST made me rethink having children. The older I got, the more that fear took over me. But I KNEW I wanted to be a mother. And we went for it and man, was it worth it.

You've already done it once and you know how great it is. Only this time, it will be BETTER for you - because this time you won't be doing it alone. You will have DH and you will have Aiden.