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Question for those with blighted ovums
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aim
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 1321 total posts
Name:
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Question for those with blighted ovums
Do you consider yourself to have lost a baby?
I did and then I heard myself switch to saying I lost a pregnancy. It's not that I care what others think.... I don't know what to think for myself.
Did I lose a baby? Even if it never formed? For some reason this is hard for me right now.
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Posted 5/6/16 8:19 AM  |
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MrsPetro2B
LIF Infant
Member since 9/08 344 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Question for those with blighted ovums
My first MC was a blighted ovum. I felt it was my baby. I don't care about what it was medically considered. Right after I miscarried I was trying to process what had happened, down playing it at times I guess to protect myself. I mentioned to a friend of mine that I felt silly for feeling like I lost a baby and how it was so early. Having been there herself she gave me what I absolutely needed someone else to tell me. She said "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you were pregnant even for a day. The second you find out you are pregnant it hugs your soul and you are watching that baby grow up in your mind. Don't down play anything, don't let anyone let you feel silly, don't let anyone try to deminish your pain, don't define it in medical terms. Just grieve, you are entitled to do so." Once I wrapped my mind around what she said, I let all my anger, frustration and grief out. But I also felt better feeling validated that I was a mother who lost her baby. I send you so many hugs. Put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time.
Message edited 5/6/2016 10:05:03 PM.
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| Posted 5/6/16 9:08 PM |
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aim
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 1321 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for those with blighted ovums
Thank so much for sharing that. I think I have been protecting myself too by saying it was just a pregnancy. It didn't feel right not calling her my baby.
Your friend's words are so comforting.
Thank you.
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| Posted 5/7/16 7:14 AM |
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MrsPetro2B
LIF Infant
Member since 9/08 344 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Question for those with blighted ovums
You are very welcome. Dealing with the infertility process I think adds insult to injury. The unknown looms and starting the process again is a mixed bag or hope, fear and anger. But my friend, who unfortunately cannot have children, is part of the reason my son is here. She listened to me and supported me in ways that no one else could. DH tried, but he didn't get it, how could he? Find someone in your life you feel comfortable talking to, keeping it in doesn't help. It sounds like from you have a new doctor that you feel more comfortable with. I did the same and it made a world of difference. Of course you also have the support of the wonderful LIF ladies. Take care of yourself, push yourself as far as you feel you can go. 
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| Posted 5/7/16 9:25 AM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Question for those with blighted ovums
Posted by MrsPetro2B
My first MC was a blighted ovum. I felt it was my baby. I don't care about what it was medically considered. Right after I miscarried I was trying to process what had happened, down playing it at times I guess to protect myself. I mentioned to a friend of mine that I felt silly for feeling like I lost a baby and how it was so early. Having been there herself she gave me what I absolutely needed someone else to tell me. She said "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you were pregnant even for a day. The second you find out you are pregnant it hugs your soul and you are watching that baby grow up in your mind. Don't down play anything, don't let anyone let you feel silly, don't let anyone try to deminish your pain, don't define it in medical terms. Just grieve, you are entitled to do so." Once I wrapped my mind around what she said, I let all my anger, frustration and grief out. But I also felt better feeling validated that I was a mother who lost her baby. I send you so many hugs. Put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time.
Thanks for posting this-- it's interesting how we can grieve in these terms at all stages of pregnancy.
My first baby, a boy who we lost at 17wks, we named Jack. For a while when we referred to that pregnancy, it was "When we lost Jack". Slowly when I felt like it was making people uncomfortable to hear the name or perhaps people didn't legitimately believe the unborm should have a name, it trickled down to "When we lost my first baby"... And now it's worked its way down to "My first pregnancy loss". 
In my heart, he's baby Jack. We buried him with a small ceremony in Staten Island and have a brick to honor his footprint on my life at the Angel of Hope monument at Eisenhower park. I grieve Jack mostly silently in the arms of my husband these days.
I think you can grieve in whatever terms that work for you.... whether it be pregnancy, baby, or Charlie. Aim, you know I'm here for you
Message edited 5/8/2016 10:42:30 AM.
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| Posted 5/8/16 10:40 AM |
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aim
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 1321 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for those with blighted ovums
Thank you Pennycat. Yesterday I called her baby and all of the discomfort was gone. The day before I said her name after not saying it for days and I startled myself. I said to my friend, "I said Charlie!"
I won't give our time away. She was mine if only for a short time and will always be my first little girl that I just had to give to heaven sooner than I hoped.
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| Posted 5/9/16 2:11 AM |
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