Moving classes...friends etc.

How do your kids cope with changing friends at the end of the year ie on the last day of school in our district the kids are separated into their new classes and they walk down to meet their new teachers and new classmates.

My son is in first grade and has been in class with his best friend for the past three years. His teacher thinks it might be good for them to be separated this year - not because they are trouble makers but more to give them their own identities. My son is not happy about this. I am not sure if I should just let him ride it out and see what happens next year or see if the principal would be open to keeping them together for one more year. My son is social but a huge creature of habit in all areas of his life and really feels better when he knows his BFF is in the same classroom as him.

I just hate the thought if him not wanting to go to school in september and believe me this could be a possibility!

Anyone have any experience with this?

Thanks

Message edited 6/6/2016 12:39:30 PM.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

Our district does not announce classes until 4 days before the start of school. I wonder if the BFF mom asked that they be separated nicely and does not want to hurt your feelings. I think it is just delaying the inevitable and learning to make new friends is much healthier in the long run for everyone. I would encourage play dates. Also, by third grade kids sit at desks as opposed to tables. They can still see one another at recess.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

Thank you. I am not sure its a good idea the way our school does it. My DD who is 10 says the kids dread that time on the last day of school. They basically wait for their names to be called then file off in different directions - can be jarring for a lot of kids.

I am friends with the BFF mom and she loves my son and doesn't see the big deal with them staying together if thats what gives my son an extra confidence boost.

I know its the inevitable and maybe holding off on cutting the cord one more year might make it worse for my DS...maybe easier to do it now...sigh...always something to be worrying about :(

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

Wow lucky that you know what teacher and who is in your class this early. Our district only lets you know about 1.5-2 weeks before school starts, then you have to ask around to find out who is in your class. Our district also tries to shake up the classes each year to mix the groups up, to cut back on cliques. So every year you get almost a completely new class. I think only 2-3 kids are the same from the year before. They still see their friends at recess (while grade is out together) but it gives them a chance to make some new friends too.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

I think although it is hard to mix it up... It is really healthy to meet new kids & make new friends.

Moving classes...friends etc.

AJ's BFF lived across the street (like open the door and wave) and went to kinder with her and they are both still in Girl Scouts together. They had 1st grade together but half way through she moved. At first you thought it was going to be catastrophic.

She thought she did something wrong and her friend didn't like her anymore. She thought her BFF moved because of her.

Annoyed me a bit. But I'm a military brat. So I felt bad for her a little bit but didn't understand her either. I mean she still SAW her at girl scouts..

Well a few weeks went by and seriously it was like no big deal. She still had her old friends. Her BFF had to learn all new friends.

I think what was harder was one of her old friends who had new friends too in the same school. She felt like the outsider. I just told her friends can have other friends too. That took time. But she learned that too. I mean you don't have to be all up in each other's butts to still be friends come ON! thankfully we have girl scouts which is a small group and they are all besties there!

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

I had a similar situation. In kindergarten DD was in class with a little girl from down the block. They became great friends- in fact her teacher commented on how tight they were and though she was not negative about it, I really expected them to be separated. But they were together again in first grade. In second grade they had different teachers and while the adjustment was tough, it helped that she had nice kids in her class and she made a few friends.

So it is hard but it will be better for him in the long run I think. As the kids get older and branch out more, the likelihood will go up that they will have some friends in their class. My DD didn't really click with anyone in her class this year (3rd grade) and I think that made things hard for her. I am when she gets her class assignment that she'll have at least one kid from her little group with her.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

Thanks everyone - I appreciate your input. We have decided to just go ahead and let them be separated and see how it goes. I have spent the past couple of days discussing this with DS and told him that he will still see his BFF at play dates, swim, etc etc and he seems to be coming around to the idea. Fingers crossed!

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

My son is a very well liked, but a very shy, quiet and insecure kid.
Personally, I think it would be better for your son to separate from his BFF earlier, rather than later. - As they get older, they start forming groups or cliques based on their interests, sports, etc. You don't want him to be in a situation where either he, or his BFF have grown apart or ONE wants to move to a new friend and the other is completely left out with noone else. NOT that 3rd grade is the end of be all of social life ...... but, I personally think it's better for them to have a large group of kids they can connect with and feel comfortable with early on - in the lunch room, on the playground, on the ball field - I mean, your BEST friend is always your first choice, but when he's not available, you want your son to be able to comfortable and confidently walk into a room and have other friends there -

My son went to daycare with the same 'wolfpack" of boys (as my husband called them) from infancy - K ......when K came, we were in one district, they were in another. I was SO worried about how he would be in school ........and he had a difficult time the first few weeks, not because he couldn't or didn't make any NEW friends, but simply b/c he missed his "crew' and the comfort and security and confidence that gave him. Once he connected with a few other boys in his class, he was fine.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

Message edited 6/9/2016 12:30:25 PM.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

Kids are more resilient then we give them credit for. Next year, my sons elem school is closing and they are redistricting the school to two other el's in the area. About a 40/60 split. DS is best friends with 3 other boys. They are a TIGHT group, have been since K. As luck would have it, based on the new boundaries, the 3 are going to the same school and DS is being moved to the other (for 5th grade). its SUCKS....but, I told him, he will make new friends, it will be great bc when he goes to MS he will know more kids, etc. So, while it sucks to watch your kids be separated from their BFFs and Im nervous about him making new friends and not knowing anyone.....I feel like I am not giving him enough credit and that ultimately, he will be OK.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

Re: Moving classes...friends etc.

I agree with the teacher. Making new friends is a critical part of growing up. Best friends will be best friends no matter which class.