Spinoff to anti social school district

This is kind of a spin off to my previous tale of woe about my children’s anti social school district. In short I live in a school district where both parents typically work and a majority of the parents are foreign born and birthday parties and play dates don’t seem to be the norm culturally. I am also divorced and have almost 7 year old triplets. One has severe non verbal Austism and engages in behaviors that many would find very upsetting - he tantrums, hits himself, and bites himself. Anyway my two typical boys who endure a very non-typical life are begging for and already planning a birthday party for themselves in June. My heart is heavy because while I would throw them any kind of party they want, I worry that none of the kids in their class would come. We have literally been invited to zero parties the last two years. I have two good girlfriends with kids that are either a little older or a little younger than mine, and I would totally invite them except I feel weird because they don’t invite my kids to their parties (yes I think this is weird. I think it’s because they just invite their child’s class). Anyway I worry it would look like a gift grab. And if they didn’t come, well then there’s no party.

Another factor to throw in is that I worry how my other child will be received. It’s his birthday too so I feel obligated to pick something he can participate in and enjoy, which is pretty much nothing. The other two want a laser tag party but he cannot possibly do that. He also elopes so I can’t bring him to some giant bouncy house type place.

In short I need a sensory friendly party o can plan and I need advice on the guest list :(. We do have two cousins around their age who would come. I’m leaning toward what I did last year - a big family party that was mostly adults and maybe hiring a magician or something for the 5 kids and invitingvthe class and if no one shows, it’s less conspicuous than being at a kiddie place and no one showing. But of people DO show then it might be an awkward mix of my large adult family and these kids parents I don’t know? But other than that I literally have no idea. Feeling discouraged and sorry for all of us. I wish I could just book a place and know people would come :(

Spinoff to anti social school district

Would your sons enjoy a birthday party game truck? they come to your house, which would provide some comfort for your other son. You can also do something at home where you bring in bouncers and different types of obstacle-course like games. Good luck!

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

How about a movie theater party? You may be able to make it “sensory friendly” by speaking with the theater about keeping lights on, lowering volume & skipping previews.
And I feel like if the group is small, it’s not as obvious as it might be at another type of party.

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

Have you tried making friends and getting out there or are you expecting all of these people to somehow know you exist and seek you out? Because that's not realistic - if you're not also trying to make friends why are they going to go out their way? I'm not being mean, but you chose where you live because it must have suited your needs for a reason but you can't just have a pity party and wish something would change if you're not going to make it change. Celebrating a buirthday doesn't have to mean a party why not do something with your family out somewhere but not at a kid place; go somewhere cool for lunch or a fun show or experience?

Message edited 3/30/2019 9:53:43 AM.

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

I'm sorry, it's probably such a tough spot to be in. I think your best bet is to do what you did last year, big family party and invite school kids as well. Have some activities for the kids. The parents of the school kids will find each other. I wouldn't worry about the mixing of family and friends. It's a party!

Spinoff to anti social school district

I would do a home party with kid entertainment. A lot of people at my DS’ Daycare do this. They rent a bounce house and everyone has a great time. The child’s parents are usually busy running around setting things abou and the friends parents talk amongst themselves. It works out fine.

Spinoff to anti social school district

I also have a special needs child and a typical. Personally I would do what your two typical children would like to do. It's ok for them to not do the same thing as their other brother. It's hard for siblings and as much normalcy you can give, would really help them in the long run. You can always hire a respite worker (or even an aide from school) to help out with your other son the day of the party so you are not worrying about him eloping. Then you can have a family party for all your boys together. As far as kids attending, I'm sure you will get some. Maybe they are all craving a party and none of the other parents are doing it. Start the trend : ). Good luck!!

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

Message edited 3/30/2019 1:29:55 PM.

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

I would do a big family party at home and invite the kids you know would come, and invite other classmates anyway. I’m sure there has to be someone somewhere out there that brings laser tag or something similar to the home. I’m sure you will find something

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

Check this out.
It’s a game truck looks like the laser tag truck comes to you. I would do this and still invite classmates even though they may not come

https://www.gametruckparty.com/long-island/parties/laser-tag

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

I get it. My youngest has autism and cannot engage in the typical things his brothers like. I think the game truck idea is a good one. That way the other 2 still get their experience and you can have some fun stuff in the house for your third child (I know mine loves balloons-except he would pop them all, parties with balloons are very exhausting for us. At home I let him go crazy) and know where he is without the elopement fear.

Spinoff to anti social school district

In your situation, I would opt to do the party home. Tell the boys they can invite a few friends from their classes (keep it small like 5 or so max). Don’t worry about parents mingling with your family, they will. I would just invite and if they come, great, if they don’t, oh well! Your family will be there so I wouldn’t worry too much. I live in NE Queens also and there’s a large Asian population. They don’t respond or go to parties so don’t get your hopes up.
Is there a park next to your sons’ school? I usually go there on the weekends and there are plenty of neighborhood kids and I have made a few mom friends like that. I think putting yourself out there more would be beneficial. And if these people are going to ignore you because your son is special needs, then that’s their problem. And I say that as a mom with a special needs son, so I definitely understand.

Message edited 3/30/2019 5:02:18 PM.

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

What about sesame place instead?? Have them wear shirts or birthday crowns so people acknowledge their birthday! It’s the first theme park in the world that’s a certified autism center.

Message edited 3/31/2019 5:24:59 PM.

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

Re: Spinoff to anti social school district

Posted by Hopefulmama

Posted by Mrs213

Check this out.
It’s a game truck looks like the laser tag truck comes to you. I would do this and still invite classmates even though they may not come

https://www.gametruckparty.com/long-island/parties/laser-tag

I absolutely love this idea! I bet the adults would play and get into it to so it wouldn’t be sad and depressing if I didn’t get that many kids. Thank you! And thank you all for the words of support

Spinoff to anti social school district

My son has autism and elopes as well. One year we had a party at a bounce house. We went to several places to see how they have their parties. We used Bounce U but in Suffolk becuase our party would be the only group in the room and the rooms were down a hall and around the corner. So not a straight shot from door to door. I would see if you can find a place local to you and then go and see what they set up is. Also will children from his class be invited. If so, those parents will probably be keeping an eye on the door as well the whole time. That is how it is with my son's class parties. We all watch out for the kids.