Anti social school district

Does anyone else live in an anti social school district? I live in northeast queens, in a wonderfully diverse neighborhood with excellent schools, but I am so disappointed with the social aspect. They were in catholic school for pre k and were invited to a ton of birthday parties and play dates. Then I put them in public school because my son receives services. Kindergarten came and went with absolutely NO party invites and play date offers. First grade so far has been the same. No socialization whatsoever outside school. They are in aftercare so they play with kids during the week but our weekends are so lonely - I’m a single mom and one of my three boys has pretty intense autism/intellectual disability so we are limited in where we can go. My two typical boys literally beg for play dates. I put them in CYO sports but it seems like the catholic school kids stick togther. My mom friends all live in very social districts on Long Island and their kids are too busy usually on weekends to come play with mine. I keep them busy but they are begging for play dates and they want to have a birthday party for their birthday - but honestly I don’t know if the kids in their class would come? It seems like birthday parties just aren’t a thing at our school. I dont know if it’s because a lot of the parents are foreign? My friends who livein Manhasset and Sea Cliff asked if we got “booed” for Halloween and I actually laughed in their faces. The families here don’t do play dates or parties - let alone booing :(. Is anyone else in this boat? Just feeling sorry for the kids and myself :(. I feel so jealous when I see all the fun things my friends’ kids do on weekends.

Message edited 2/24/2019 4:12:16 PM.

Re: Anti social school district

In my experience, many 2 parent working households do not plan things for the weekend (saving them as family time) and don’t necessarily come home early enough during the week to host play dates. In my neighborhood, we have fewer play dates with 2 working parent kids (but they seem to be the ones that we have a stronger relationship with once we kick it off). I’m betting that Manhasset (which is pretty affluent) has more SAHMs and is just a different set up.

Why not pick your kids’ closest friends and invite them over? Once you get it started... you will probably get reciprocate invites.

Anti social school district

I am familiar with the district you're referring to (it's awesome and I would be thrilled to live in it). I would venture to guess that the parents are all very busy and perhaps not interested in socializing themselves. This likely happens in all districts to a degree, but you may be more likely to see a mix of working and stay at home parents in places like Manhasset and Sea Cliff wheras in Queens its more likely that both parents work. Honestly, we're hoping to move within the next year or so and we're actually looking for a district with mostly working parents. I have friends who live in districts with tons of SAHMs and teachers and their kids are excluded from a lot of things because they can't get together on Wednesdays at noon. I don't want my DD to be excluded from things for such a silly reason.

Can you get your kids together with the kids of your mom friends? It might involve a drive to LI but would offer social opportunities for your kids.

ETA I m surprised to hear most of the kids are foreign, though I suppose there are pockets of mostly foreign born residents. The people I know in the district are native born, upper middle class families.

Message edited 2/24/2019 6:06:54 PM.

Re: Anti social school district

Re: Anti social school district

I could be wrong but i feel like this is queens. I live in your district as well and most parents are working and busy with their families all weekend. I don't know of any SAHM in my area, everyone works, but i agree with PP maybe ask your kids to set up some playdates and invite their classmates over!!! GL

Anti social school district

Im curious what town you live in OP?
I grew up in Queens in a largely middle-upper middle class area with two working parents who were foreign and playdates were not a thing at all for us so I understand. No one else seemed to have them either so I didnt feel like I was missing out on much. But I supposed todays times are different. Just curious if people dont do "playdates" in your area.. where do your boys pick up on the idea from?

I live in Manhasset now and whereas it is social, it is also very clicky so its a blessing and a curse and as another poster mentioned, if you have a two parent working household and/or cannot afford the multitude of social activities and events the kids attend it is tough to be a part of the click. It is also draining to keep up with the social scene and nuances. All this to say, there is some benefit too for a town without a ton of social interaction. =)

I think your best bet is to see who your children really like to play with in school and invite them over/ out for a playdate. I agree that once you get the ball rolling it is likely that you will get reciprocal invites and hopefully start forming a small social circle. ALso , are there kids on your block? You can start with neighbor playdates as well.

Message edited 2/27/2019 11:54:12 AM.