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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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Vacations for a bachelorette???
i personally find them over the top and pointless. You're getting a bridal shower, having a wedding, going on a honeymoon, and now you want your friends to pay for a vacation? In my group of friends, this is definitely a thing and I keep this opinion to myself, but it really annoys me. We have a blast, but 99% of the time the bride didn't pay so it's a free trip for her on top of every other wonderful event coming their way... it's excessive and unnecessary.
Regardless of your thoughts and feelings about it (which i 100% agree with), I would try to find an alternative where you guys either 1) shorten the length of the trip to maybe be a long weekend and only require one day off, or 2) keep the trip the same length for the group, and you join them on the weekend to avoid needing days off/time away from your kids
As you know, my DD is similar in age to your kids. I have gone away for 1-2 days at a time, but I honestly don't feel invigorated by it lol. I am a homebody and I love my time with DD and I miss her alot when I go places. I think it's all different for everyone, but it's not for me!
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Posted 5/17/19 11:45 AM  |
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lightblue
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 2249 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
I would decline going on the vacation citing financial and childcare issues. And honestly if I was going to have to pay 5k for a shower I'd probably bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether.
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| Posted 5/17/19 11:54 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
Posted by lightblue
I would decline going on the vacation citing financial and childcare issues. And honestly if I was going to have to pay 5k for a shower I'd probably bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether.
I curious about that too- what kind of shower costs $5k???
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| Posted 5/17/19 12:08 PM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
Maybe I'm poor and a terrible friend, but I can't afford to, and flat out wont, spend thousands of dollars on a friend's pre-wedding festivities. Then you factor in wedding and shower gifts. And five vacation days? No way. And thankfully my friends would never ask this of me.
I'd back out of the bachelorette party. Even if had time to save and I could swing that cost, I'd always be thinking about what my family could have done with that money instead. (And FTR I've been on plenty of girls weekends since I've had kids and they never come close to that price). Not to mention vacation days are priceless.
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| Posted 5/17/19 1:31 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Vacations for a bachelorette???
So maybe I missed it but where is the bachelorette party?!
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| Posted 5/17/19 1:36 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lightblue
I would decline going on the vacation citing financial and childcare issues. And honestly if I was going to have to pay 5k for a shower I'd probably bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether.
I curious about that too- what kind of shower costs $5k???
Tbh if one of my close friends footing a 5k bill for my shower, I would decline the shower. Maybe go out to a brunch with my party and be done. Or a house party - but my shower was in my sisters house and low key.
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| Posted 5/17/19 1:45 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
Posted by Sash
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lightblue
I would decline going on the vacation citing financial and childcare issues. And honestly if I was going to have to pay 5k for a shower I'd probably bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether.
I curious about that too- what kind of shower costs $5k???
Tbh if one of my close friends footing a 5k bill for my shower, I would decline the shower. Maybe go out to a brunch with my party and be done. Or a house party - but my shower was in my sisters house and low key.
It sounded to me like the entire shower cost $5k and the mother of the bride wasn't contributing. I would assume that the bridal party is splitting the cost of the shower. I do think that's a bit of a large price tag regardless but I would never expect the mother of the bride to foot the bill for the shower. It's nice if she chips in but in my experience the bridal party splits the cost of the shower. I highly doubt the OP is footing a $5k shower bill by herself.
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| Posted 5/17/19 3:23 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lightblue
I would decline going on the vacation citing financial and childcare issues. And honestly if I was going to have to pay 5k for a shower I'd probably bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether.
I curious about that too- what kind of shower costs $5k???
Tbh if one of my close friends footing a 5k bill for my shower, I would decline the shower. Maybe go out to a brunch with my party and be done. Or a house party - but my shower was in my sisters house and low key.
It sounded to me like the entire shower cost $5k and the mother of the bride wasn't contributing. I would assume that the bridal party is splitting the cost of the shower. I do think that's a bit of a large price tag regardless but I would never expect the mother of the bride to foot the bill for the shower. It's nice if she chips in but in my experience the bridal party splits the cost of the shower. I highly doubt the OP is footing a $5k shower bill by herself.
Oh, I was going to say 5k is crazy for one person. But if she has only 5 ppl then that’s still 1k which I think it’s crazy. I rather spend that on the travel bachelorette.
In my family, the close immediate family pays for the bridal shower not the bridal party. I paid for my sisters since we didn’t have parents.
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| Posted 5/17/19 4:56 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
Posted by Sash
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lightblue
I would decline going on the vacation citing financial and childcare issues. And honestly if I was going to have to pay 5k for a shower I'd probably bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether.
I curious about that too- what kind of shower costs $5k???
Tbh if one of my close friends footing a 5k bill for my shower, I would decline the shower. Maybe go out to a brunch with my party and be done. Or a house party - but my shower was in my sisters house and low key.
It sounded to me like the entire shower cost $5k and the mother of the bride wasn't contributing. I would assume that the bridal party is splitting the cost of the shower. I do think that's a bit of a large price tag regardless but I would never expect the mother of the bride to foot the bill for the shower. It's nice if she chips in but in my experience the bridal party splits the cost of the shower. I highly doubt the OP is footing a $5k shower bill by herself.
Oh, I was going to say 5k is crazy for one person. But if she has only 5 ppl then that’s still 1k which I think it’s crazy. I rather spend that on the travel bachelorette.
In my family, the close immediate family pays for the bridal shower not the bridal party. I paid for my sisters since we didn’t have parents.
Same in my family. My mom didn't take money from my or my sister's bridal party for the showers.
But still $5k total for a shower- that still seems high!
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| Posted 5/17/19 4:58 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lightblue
I would decline going on the vacation citing financial and childcare issues. And honestly if I was going to have to pay 5k for a shower I'd probably bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether.
I curious about that too- what kind of shower costs $5k???
Tbh if one of my close friends footing a 5k bill for my shower, I would decline the shower. Maybe go out to a brunch with my party and be done. Or a house party - but my shower was in my sisters house and low key.
It sounded to me like the entire shower cost $5k and the mother of the bride wasn't contributing. I would assume that the bridal party is splitting the cost of the shower. I do think that's a bit of a large price tag regardless but I would never expect the mother of the bride to foot the bill for the shower. It's nice if she chips in but in my experience the bridal party splits the cost of the shower. I highly doubt the OP is footing a $5k shower bill by herself.
I think this is largely a regional thing. I have never seen an instance in NY where the bride’s family doesn’t pay for the shower and I’ve been in a lot of weddings. Aside from when I was my bff’s MOH and I paid for the invitations and favors I have never contributed to a shower. The bachelorette party, yes, but not the shower.
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| Posted 5/17/19 6:17 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
It is absolutely a thing now. We did not do it for my wedding nearly 14 years ago, but both of my SIL who were married 6 and 2 years ago did it. I did not go for either of them. My husband did go to my brother's batchelor party weekends though.
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| Posted 5/17/19 7:45 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by lululu
Posted by Sash
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lightblue
I would decline going on the vacation citing financial and childcare issues. And honestly if I was going to have to pay 5k for a shower I'd probably bow out of being a bridesmaid altogether.
I curious about that too- what kind of shower costs $5k???
Tbh if one of my close friends footing a 5k bill for my shower, I would decline the shower. Maybe go out to a brunch with my party and be done. Or a house party - but my shower was in my sisters house and low key.
It sounded to me like the entire shower cost $5k and the mother of the bride wasn't contributing. I would assume that the bridal party is splitting the cost of the shower. I do think that's a bit of a large price tag regardless but I would never expect the mother of the bride to foot the bill for the shower. It's nice if she chips in but in my experience the bridal party splits the cost of the shower. I highly doubt the OP is footing a $5k shower bill by herself.
I think this is largely a regional thing. I have never seen an instance in NY where the bride’s family doesn’t pay for the shower and I’ve been in a lot of weddings. Aside from when I was my bff’s MOH and I paid for the invitations and favors I have never contributed to a shower. The bachelorette party, yes, but not the shower.
I have been in a lot of NY wedding parties and we always paid for the shower. The mother of the bride usually contributed something but the actual cost of the shower was shared by the bridal party. In my case I didn't even have a wedding party and my very close friends chipped in with my mom for things related to my shower.
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| Posted 5/18/19 3:21 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6656 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
We went to Vegas for my bachelorette party. I paid my own way and told everyone it was completely optional- me and my bff (MOH) wanted to go so we would've gone even if it was just the two of us, probably even if I wasn't getting married.
The girls paid for a fancy dinner out one night and got balloons and champagne delivered to the hotel room.
I don't see anything wrong with declining the party. I'm sure you won't be the only one. Two bridesmaid didn't attend mine. No big deal!
As for the shower- it has got to be some huge, over the top shower to cost 5k! My mom did do my bridal shower and the bridesmaids chipped in for part of it (maybe $100 each?) and chipped in to buy me a really nice gift (Margaritaville maker  )
ETA: This was 10 years ago.
Message edited 5/18/2019 4:51:29 PM.
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| Posted 5/18/19 4:51 PM |
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liadorbs
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 1221 total posts
Name:
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Vacations for a bachelorette???
I agree out-of-town bachelorette parties are a big ask. No matter what you always feel pressure to go but I do typically decline (even if I'm in the wedding). My time off and my money are sacred to me, and odds are the wedding is already some sort of investment of both.
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| Posted 5/18/19 7:32 PM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
I didn't read all the posts but my bridal party surprised me with a long weekend to the Keys for my bachelorette and it was 17 years ago. That said we were all 24-25 and working. My friends paid for everything, including flights. I had no idea where we were going until I got to the airport.
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| Posted 5/21/19 5:36 PM |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???
It was a thing even 10 years ago, but it wasn't as common as it is today. 10 years ago it was still "acceptable" to spend the night drinking in the city. These days it seems everyone is having a destination party and it's the only way people want to celebrate. Don't feel bad declining if you don't want to go. I would if I was asked to attend. It is asking a lot from your bridal party, especially ones that might already have a family life and responsibilities.
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| Posted 5/21/19 9:26 PM |
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