Vacations for a bachelorette???

Some one please explain to me when taking a full blown vacation is the norm for a bachelorette party?! My friend is getting married next year and I’m her MOH. We are in our early 30s I got married at 25 and we went out for a cheap night in the city. Who has time off from work for this?! I need my time for my kids and own family. State jobs don’t give you a ton of time and I work a weekend day every day every week. This will end up costing me 2-3 days off from work, not to mention about $1k for this. And making sure I have child care for my children. She wasn’t her bridal shower that’s going to cost like $4-$5k and her mom isn’t paying, plus I have to travel for her wedding, that’s another 2 days...ugh sorry for the vent, I just didn’t realize a full blown vacation is “the thing to do”

Vacations for a bachelorette???

When I got married 12 years ago and when my middle sister got married 8 years ago, we went out into the city and got a hotel room for one night.

With that said, a big trip is definitely the "thing to do" now", but you do not need to do it.

My SIL is going out east for 4 days, 3 nights. I said no. Honestly, I can not justify dropping $1,000 for a bachelorette party for a trip I will only know 1-2 other people. Once her MOH started laying out costs for everything, it was just not something I wanted to spend money on so I said no.

My youngest sister is getting married next year. She already said that she wants to do Miami. I am going to see how much the trip is going to be. This is my sister though so I will probably go regardless of price.

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

I got married 13yrs ago and I went away, my sister 16yrs and I took her to DR for a long weekend. But you are in a different stage in your life so don’t go. You shouldn’t be obligated. My sister was already married for 3yrs and had my niece when i got married. Even though she was my matron, she didn’t go away with me.

Message edited 5/16/2019 8:10:25 AM.

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

It suddenly is a thing, why I don't know.
I would NOT be going in your situation. MOH or not.

Vacations for a bachelorette???

People were doing that when I got married almost 10 years ago, not sure if it's more common now. I think if you're doing a trip it should be very open and relaxed as far as "expecting" people to go. I'd say, if you have the time and money and want to come, great, if not, pass. As the MOH you could maybe help do some research on good deals and flights but I would not feel obligated by any means.

Vacations for a bachelorette???

Yes, I think it’s fairly typical. I find bachelor parties to be worse. DH has traveled the globe for bachelor parties. He just declined one in Brazil.

It sounds like the bride isn’t from NY? I know in other parts of the country the bridal party pays for the shower but I always assumed it was a simpler party- like in someone’s house.

I do think it’s hard to decline as MOH. Maybe you can offer to take her to a nice dinner or spa day (locally) to make up for not going?

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

If you're MOH I assume you have a very good relationship with this person. Just be honest, you can't go away.

I love the idea of traveling for a bachelorette party but I love to travel.
I think if a bride wants to go away,
they pay their own way...It isn't fair to expect everyone else to cover your trip, and you can't get upset when people can't go.

As far as a 4-5K shower, no way. That's money taken away from your own family. If there is no family to take the responsibility it needs to be a small economical gathering to celebrate. I can not imagine expecting a friend to cover a cost like that so I could get house-ware items.

Message edited 5/17/2019 10:56:34 AM.

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

If this is what the bride wants, fine, but she should understand that not everyone will be able to go. For those that can't, maybe that group could do a more low-key dinner/night in th city type thing.

I went to Vegas for my best friend's bachelorette party 15 years ago. I wanted to go! But I was single, 20s, no kids. Would I go now? Hell to the no!

I think the bride should understand that everyone is at different stages in their lives, and not everyone can swing something like this.

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

I don't think it's a new thing. I got married 13 years ago and plenty of people planned a trip for their bachelorette party.

If you don't want to go just say you can't go. I am sure she isn't expecting everyone to be able to make it.

Vacations for a bachelorette???

I know I’m going to have to talk to her because traveling like this is a lot. She is my best friend for years and years, my sons god mother etc. she was my MOH, but again we all were finishing up grad school and broke when I got married. I know times have changed, but I try and be conservative with my time at work and money because of my children and my own family. I don’t want to be selfish by any means and I want her to have a nice time. I told her I would look into pricing and try and get a feel for everyone’s budget before we plan that.... but you are right if she is adamant about it, I will have to decline. I’m always honest with her so I hope she will be understanding if this is planned

Vacations for a bachelorette???

Its popular but I always decline destination bachelorettes, even when I was younger and single. I have gone to the beach for the weekend or to Atlantic City, but if have to fly and its going to cost me more than one day off of work its a no. I just would rather travel to where I want, when I want with who I want.

Message edited 5/16/2019 10:32:08 AM.

Vacations for a bachelorette???

For my wedding 5 years ago my friends all decided they wanted to go to Myrtle Beach for my bachelorette party. I was perfectly fine with going to AC or the City but they wanted to make a mini vacation out of it. We went for 3 nights and only 1 night was dedicated to me- the rest we treated like a vacation. I wasn't offended if anyone couldn't/didn't want to go.

I was recently MOH for my best friend. Her bachelorette party was in Florida and her wedding was in SC. I declined going to the bachelorette party because my husband couldn't handle watching my 2.5 year old and 5 month old by himself for a whole weekend. I felt bad but she understood. I made it up to her by buying her another gift for her bridal shower aside from the combined bridal party gift.

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Posted by Sash

Posted by lululu

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I know I’m going to have to talk to her because traveling like this is a lot. She is my best friend for years and years, my sons god mother etc. she was my MOH, but again we all were finishing up grad school and broke when I got married. I know times have changed, but I try and be conservative with my time at work and money because of my children and my own family. I don’t want to be selfish by any means and I want her to have a nice time. I told her I would look into pricing and try and get a feel for everyone’s budget before we plan that.... but you are right if she is adamant about it, I will have to decline. I’m always honest with her so I hope she will be understanding if this is planned

Can I just offer a suggestion coming from a mom of older children? When my kids were a little younger I was so reluctant to leave them or take time off for anything that didn't involve them. Once I started taking little trips here and there I realized things went just fine without me. If this is your best friend, and you can swing the money, why not use a day or two of vacation time and look at this as something you are doing for yourself! You will probably have a great time and you can help pick the destination and the hotel etc since you are the one helping to plan it. I would look at this as a great opportunity to get away for a few days, kidfree!!!!

I agree. But again I love to travel and I was ok with leaving my son with his dad as well. Not everyone can do that.

I wish I knew more younger people now so I can get invited on away trips.

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Sash

Posted by lululu

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I know I’m going to have to talk to her because traveling like this is a lot. She is my best friend for years and years, my sons god mother etc. she was my MOH, but again we all were finishing up grad school and broke when I got married. I know times have changed, but I try and be conservative with my time at work and money because of my children and my own family. I don’t want to be selfish by any means and I want her to have a nice time. I told her I would look into pricing and try and get a feel for everyone’s budget before we plan that.... but you are right if she is adamant about it, I will have to decline. I’m always honest with her so I hope she will be understanding if this is planned

Can I just offer a suggestion coming from a mom of older children? When my kids were a little younger I was so reluctant to leave them or take time off for anything that didn't involve them. Once I started taking little trips here and there I realized things went just fine without me. If this is your best friend, and you can swing the money, why not use a day or two of vacation time and look at this as something you are doing for yourself! You will probably have a great time and you can help pick the destination and the hotel etc since you are the one helping to plan it. I would look at this as a great opportunity to get away for a few days, kidfree!!!!

I agree. But again I love to travel and I was ok with leaving my son with his dad as well. Not everyone can do that.

I wish I knew more younger people now so I can get invited on away trips.

I tend to agree with this. I’d hem and haw and be all nervous about leaving DD but in the end I feel like I’d come back refreshed and glad I went. But, I only have 1 kid and know DH would be fine with me going. I’m not sure either of us could handle twins alone!

Vacations for a bachelorette???

I got married 10 years ago and they sort of were a thing then but not like now.

I was very clear to all my friends, since I had a lot of friends getting married around the same time, I could not possibly do a destination for all so I stated if there was a destination bach I would not be able to go. A couple friends did have destination bach parties and instead I took them out for a night at another time.

JMO but I would express to the bride that you cannot go, bw kids, time off, daycare it is not possible. If she chooses to still go thats fine you guys can go for a night on the town one night, done, I also would not feel bad. If she wants to have it and people can go good for her but I would feel zero obligation to go as a married, working mom w kids, heck I felt zero obligation as a single woman lmao

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Posted by Sash

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Sash

Posted by lululu

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I know I’m going to have to talk to her because traveling like this is a lot. She is my best friend for years and years, my sons god mother etc. she was my MOH, but again we all were finishing up grad school and broke when I got married. I know times have changed, but I try and be conservative with my time at work and money because of my children and my own family. I don’t want to be selfish by any means and I want her to have a nice time. I told her I would look into pricing and try and get a feel for everyone’s budget before we plan that.... but you are right if she is adamant about it, I will have to decline. I’m always honest with her so I hope she will be understanding if this is planned

Can I just offer a suggestion coming from a mom of older children? When my kids were a little younger I was so reluctant to leave them or take time off for anything that didn't involve them. Once I started taking little trips here and there I realized things went just fine without me. If this is your best friend, and you can swing the money, why not use a day or two of vacation time and look at this as something you are doing for yourself! You will probably have a great time and you can help pick the destination and the hotel etc since you are the one helping to plan it. I would look at this as a great opportunity to get away for a few days, kidfree!!!!

I agree. But again I love to travel and I was ok with leaving my son with his dad as well. Not everyone can do that.

I wish I knew more younger people now so I can get invited on away trips.

I tend to agree with this. I’d hem and haw and be all nervous about leaving DD but in the end I feel like I’d come back refreshed and glad I went. But, I only have 1 kid and know DH would be fine with me going. I’m not sure either of us could handle twins alone!

Ack.. yes, Twins would definitely change the dynamic & flexibility. I also only have one as well.

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Posted by lululu

Posted by Sash

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Sash

Posted by lululu

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I know I’m going to have to talk to her because traveling like this is a lot. She is my best friend for years and years, my sons god mother etc. she was my MOH, but again we all were finishing up grad school and broke when I got married. I know times have changed, but I try and be conservative with my time at work and money because of my children and my own family. I don’t want to be selfish by any means and I want her to have a nice time. I told her I would look into pricing and try and get a feel for everyone’s budget before we plan that.... but you are right if she is adamant about it, I will have to decline. I’m always honest with her so I hope she will be understanding if this is planned

Can I just offer a suggestion coming from a mom of older children? When my kids were a little younger I was so reluctant to leave them or take time off for anything that didn't involve them. Once I started taking little trips here and there I realized things went just fine without me. If this is your best friend, and you can swing the money, why not use a day or two of vacation time and look at this as something you are doing for yourself! You will probably have a great time and you can help pick the destination and the hotel etc since you are the one helping to plan it. I would look at this as a great opportunity to get away for a few days, kidfree!!!!

I agree. But again I love to travel and I was ok with leaving my son with his dad as well. Not everyone can do that.

I wish I knew more younger people now so I can get invited on away trips.

I tend to agree with this. I’d hem and haw and be all nervous about leaving DD but in the end I feel like I’d come back refreshed and glad I went. But, I only have 1 kid and know DH would be fine with me going. I’m not sure either of us could handle twins alone!

Ack.. yes, Twins would definitely change the dynamic & flexibility. I also only have one as well.

I have three kids that are all close in age. It just depends on what you are used to. Her twins are not babies anymore - they are toddlers. I think that someone can handle two toddlers for a long weekend without a problem. If he can't perhaps he can get some help from a sitter or a parent. I just think that doing things for yourself is so important. It's not like she would be gone for a month, it's just a few days...

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Posted by Katareen

Posted by lululu

Posted by Sash

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Sash

Posted by lululu

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I know I’m going to have to talk to her because traveling like this is a lot. She is my best friend for years and years, my sons god mother etc. she was my MOH, but again we all were finishing up grad school and broke when I got married. I know times have changed, but I try and be conservative with my time at work and money because of my children and my own family. I don’t want to be selfish by any means and I want her to have a nice time. I told her I would look into pricing and try and get a feel for everyone’s budget before we plan that.... but you are right if she is adamant about it, I will have to decline. I’m always honest with her so I hope she will be understanding if this is planned

Can I just offer a suggestion coming from a mom of older children? When my kids were a little younger I was so reluctant to leave them or take time off for anything that didn't involve them. Once I started taking little trips here and there I realized things went just fine without me. If this is your best friend, and you can swing the money, why not use a day or two of vacation time and look at this as something you are doing for yourself! You will probably have a great time and you can help pick the destination and the hotel etc since you are the one helping to plan it. I would look at this as a great opportunity to get away for a few days, kidfree!!!!

I agree. But again I love to travel and I was ok with leaving my son with his dad as well. Not everyone can do that.

I wish I knew more younger people now so I can get invited on away trips.

I tend to agree with this. I’d hem and haw and be all nervous about leaving DD but in the end I feel like I’d come back refreshed and glad I went. But, I only have 1 kid and know DH would be fine with me going. I’m not sure either of us could handle twins alone!

Ack.. yes, Twins would definitely change the dynamic & flexibility. I also only have one as well.

I have three kids that are all close in age. It just depends on what you are used to. Her twins are not babies anymore - they are toddlers. I think that someone can handle two toddlers for a long weekend without a problem. If he can't perhaps he can get some help from a sitter or a parent. I just think that doing things for yourself is so important. It's not like she would be gone for a month, it's just a few days...

But she also stated it will cost a lot of money plus she doesn’t get that much time off of work.
As someone who also only gets 10 vacation days per year, I can’t afford to use 2 or 3 of them for a bachelorette party if I want to use them to go away with my own family or for other events/illnesses/etc

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???

Posted by Katareen

Posted by lululu

Posted by Sash

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Sash

Posted by lululu

Posted by TwinMommyToBoys

I know I’m going to have to talk to her because traveling like this is a lot. She is my best friend for years and years, my sons god mother etc. she was my MOH, but again we all were finishing up grad school and broke when I got married. I know times have changed, but I try and be conservative with my time at work and money because of my children and my own family. I don’t want to be selfish by any means and I want her to have a nice time. I told her I would look into pricing and try and get a feel for everyone’s budget before we plan that.... but you are right if she is adamant about it, I will have to decline. I’m always honest with her so I hope she will be understanding if this is planned

Can I just offer a suggestion coming from a mom of older children? When my kids were a little younger I was so reluctant to leave them or take time off for anything that didn't involve them. Once I started taking little trips here and there I realized things went just fine without me. If this is your best friend, and you can swing the money, why not use a day or two of vacation time and look at this as something you are doing for yourself! You will probably have a great time and you can help pick the destination and the hotel etc since you are the one helping to plan it. I would look at this as a great opportunity to get away for a few days, kidfree!!!!

I agree. But again I love to travel and I was ok with leaving my son with his dad as well. Not everyone can do that.

I wish I knew more younger people now so I can get invited on away trips.

I tend to agree with this. I’d hem and haw and be all nervous about leaving DD but in the end I feel like I’d come back refreshed and glad I went. But, I only have 1 kid and know DH would be fine with me going. I’m not sure either of us could handle twins alone!

Ack.. yes, Twins would definitely change the dynamic & flexibility. I also only have one as well.

I have three kids that are all close in age. It just depends on what you are used to. Her twins are not babies anymore - they are toddlers. I think that someone can handle two toddlers for a long weekend without a problem. If he can't perhaps he can get some help from a sitter or a parent. I just think that doing things for yourself is so important. It's not like she would be gone for a month, it's just a few days...

But she also stated it will cost a lot of money plus she doesn’t get that much time off of work.
As someone who also only gets 10 vacation days per year, I can’t afford to use 2 or 3 of them for a bachelorette party if I want to use them to go away with my own family or for other events/illnesses/etc

Re: Vacations for a bachelorette???