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How I can support my husband while his mom goes through cancer?
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Re: How I can support my husband while his mom goes through cancer?
Posted by lululu
Yeah, I'm sorry, these posts are way too harsh. It would be one thing if your husband was appreciating all of the sacrifices you are making but instead he is making unilateral decisions and then dumping everything on you. His mom being sick is the excuse he is using to treat you like crap.
I lost my father at a relatively young age so I completely understand what it's like to lose a parent. It sucks, but going thru a rough time does not allow you to walk all over the people you love. I am sure you would be way more supportive if he showed some appreciation.
If I were in your shoes I would suck it up for a little while but then we would be having a serious sit down regarding the long term plan. Everyone is acting like his mother has days left to live. People with stage 4 cancer can live very long after this diagnose and even be cured. It is not necessarily a death sentence. She hasn't even said what his mother's prognosis is.
As for the vacation, I would go without him. Give him some space. Take the kids and have a good time. Maybe invite your mom to go. Life does go on even when people get sick. You can't put your life on hold indefinitely waiting for his mother to die. Sorry if I sound like an insensitive b*tch but life does need to go on and you have two very young children to take care of and think about.
I agree with you. Man, these posts are harsh
Most likely she was venting on here to avoid having a meltdown and she was really put on the cross for it.
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Posted 11/13/19 3:25 PM  |
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Re: How I can support my husband while his mom goes through cancer?
Posted by pnbplus1
Just deal with it. Seriously. Your feelings are irrelevant right now. Her diagnosis is so recent. With time things will settle and he'll come to terms with some of it. As for vacation, who cares about the money - his mother might die.
Her feelings are irrelevant? Are they not a family? A unit? Trying to work together? She should just bow to her husband at this point. Do you think that if the shoe was on the other foot that HIS feelings would be irrelevant?
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| Posted 11/13/19 3:26 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
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Re: How I can support my husband while his mom goes through cancer?
Posted by Straightarrow
Posted by pnbplus1
Just deal with it. Seriously. Your feelings are irrelevant right now. Her diagnosis is so recent. With time things will settle and he'll come to terms with some of it. As for vacation, who cares about the money - his mother might die.
Her feelings are irrelevant? Are they not a family? A unit? Trying to work together? She should just bow to her husband at this point. Do you think that if the shoe was on the other foot that HIS feelings would be irrelevant?
I think some people are missing the broader point which is sometimes in a relationship, it's just NOT about you. Marriage isn't always a 50/50 balance and sometimes one of you needs to pick up more of the slack or hold the other one up. I don't think her feelings are irrelevant however, I do think that at this time it's just not really about her and she's going to need to be the strong one right now in this situation and she needs to allow her DH to process this news. I get that it's a tough spot to be in but it's not forever.
Also, this is all very new right now for her DH, I think it's important to let him work through his feelings, see his mom as much as he wants and give him some space. Once he gets to a point of acceptance and he has a better understanding of where his mom is at with her diagnosis that will be the right time to sit down with him and talk about a better schedule/balance when it comes to his mom and his family at home. I think for now, because it's all so new, she just has to ride this wave and tough it out.
I know it's not easy, especially when you feel like you are the punching bag for your spouse's anger and hurt but this won't last. The OP needs to just do her best to hang in there, remain calm and level headed and just love him that much more even when it feels like you want to punch him in the nose. It's a really tough time for everyone at this moment but the good news is that it won't be like this forever.
Message edited 11/14/2019 8:50:14 AM.
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| Posted 11/14/19 8:49 AM |
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Ellsey10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/15 614 total posts
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How I can support my husband while his mom goes through cancer?
Hi! I was thinking about the OP and curious how everything is going with your MIL and you? It's been a while since you've posted. OP, if you're still on here, I hope all is well !
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| Posted 3/12/20 8:34 AM |
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| Pages: 1 2 [3] |
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