| Posted By |
Message |
TooSoontoTell
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/11 501 total posts
Name:
|
How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Does anyone have parents (or family) that have hinted at breaking social distancing but you don't feel comfortable doing it? My parents I think were hinting at seeing the kids and breaking social distancing. But sadly it's not us I am worried about passing it to them (we work from home and do not go anywhere other than food shop). I am more worried because I don't trust their judgement, they are going out way more than they should for their old age (by choice, not out of need). They take needless risks and are in a area very effected by Covid. They also have a limited understanding of disease transmission and I have tried to educate them, and while they are trying hard, they still have slip ups that could result in them contracting it. We do have some sight risk factors for severe illness if we contracted it. :( Also we cannot maintain social distance in their presence with a young child who is difficult to cooperate or understand. Can anyone relate and what do you say? Of course I feel so bad but it will be very stressful and could pose a risk based on their behavior.
Message edited 5/17/2020 1:43:05 AM.
|
Posted 5/17/20 12:53 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
|
|
How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
I’m in this position. I just don’t. I just tell them when I feel it’s safe based on research as the state moves towards opening, then we can discuss it. I don’t feel guilty about anything that will help protect my family and to be honest my kids haven’t even asked to see their grandparents or extended family so... oh well. You need to do what’s best for you and I wouldn’t let anyone make you second guess your choices or feel guilty. Hang in there!
|
| Posted 5/17/20 1:46 AM |
| |
|
PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
|
How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
We do not live near our families so this is a non-issue. If we did live near them, it would be an issue and I would just say no.
My dad runs non-essential errands daily. He likes picking up an Entenmann's crumb cake more or less daily. He runs errands for my brother who is an essential worker (MTA cop). Why my brother or his wife can not run these errands, who knows. He runs errands for his 70 year old sister because her son told her she couldn't leave the house to get food. Meanwhile, my dad is in his late 60s so he is in the same risk group as his sister. Oh and he has 9/11 complications because he was a first responder. He walks at the beach daily. He gets Starbucks 2 times a day. The list goes on and on. Also, my mom works at a grocery store so she is exposed to lots of people throughout the day.
My sister does let my mom and dad "see" her kids, but she is firm with maintaining their distance. The kids will actually draw a chalk line before he comes over and they tell them they are not allowed to cross it. This has been a rough transition for them as they usually hang out with my parents more than they hang out with my sister.
|
| Posted 5/17/20 1:42 PM |
| |
|
PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
|
How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
I just want to say that today my dad called and asked if he could come and visit. It is a 3.5 hour drive ONE WAY. He said he will bring his own chair and only sit in my backyard. We'll have lunch and then he will go home. I told him I was not comfortable with this and he seemed offended. I would feel more comfortable if he was only going out for essential errands and I said that to him.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 10:31 AM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by PitterPatter11
I just want to say that today my dad called and asked if he could come and visit. It is a 3.5 hour drive ONE WAY. He said he will bring his own chair and only sit in my backyard. We'll have lunch and then he will go home. I told him I was not comfortable with this and he seemed offended. I would feel more comfortable if he was only going out for essential errands and I said that to him.
OMG he wanted to drive 3.5 hours ONE WAY to come sit in your yard and have lunch and then leave?
That sounds insane during normal circumstances!
|
| Posted 5/19/20 10:33 AM |
| |
|
PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by PitterPatter11
I just want to say that today my dad called and asked if he could come and visit. It is a 3.5 hour drive ONE WAY. He said he will bring his own chair and only sit in my backyard. We'll have lunch and then he will go home. I told him I was not comfortable with this and he seemed offended. I would feel more comfortable if he was only going out for essential errands and I said that to him.
OMG he wanted to drive 3.5 hours ONE WAY to come sit in your yard and have lunch and then leave?
That sounds insane during normal circumstances!
He does the trip 1-2x per year. I think he is crazy for doing it in one day. I do not like him driving here alone as he gets tired driving which is obviously very dangerous - especially on a long trip.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 10:47 AM |
| |
|
jeanyus27
Life is beautiful
Member since 8/08 2543 total posts
Name:
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by PitterPatter11
I just want to say that today my dad called and asked if he could come and visit. It is a 3.5 hour drive ONE WAY. He said he will bring his own chair and only sit in my backyard. We'll have lunch and then he will go home. I told him I was not comfortable with this and he seemed offended. I would feel more comfortable if he was only going out for essential errands and I said that to him.
OMG he wanted to drive 3.5 hours ONE WAY to come sit in your yard and have lunch and then leave?
That sounds insane during normal circumstances!
Awww I think it’s sweet he would do that. Is he very lonely? Sometimes we visit my brother’s family in PA for the day (if it’s an event & we have something to do the next day, otherwise we stay over). It’s about 3-4 hours each way.
We started going to my parents house last weekend. They have a big backyard. We set up chairs around their fire pit (at least 6’ apart) & we all wear masks. We don’t go in the house.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 10:54 AM |
| |
|
RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by PitterPatter11
I just want to say that today my dad called and asked if he could come and visit. It is a 3.5 hour drive ONE WAY. He said he will bring his own chair and only sit in my backyard. We'll have lunch and then he will go home. I told him I was not comfortable with this and he seemed offended. I would feel more comfortable if he was only going out for essential errands and I said that to him.
OMG he wanted to drive 3.5 hours ONE WAY to come sit in your yard and have lunch and then leave?
That sounds insane during normal circumstances!
Aww this is sad.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 10:55 AM |
| |
|
Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
|
How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
If you’re not comfortable with it then that’s all you have to say! Your job is to protect yourself and your children...If people’s feelings get hurt then so be it.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 11:13 AM |
| |
|
PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by jeanyus27
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by PitterPatter11
I just want to say that today my dad called and asked if he could come and visit. It is a 3.5 hour drive ONE WAY. He said he will bring his own chair and only sit in my backyard. We'll have lunch and then he will go home. I told him I was not comfortable with this and he seemed offended. I would feel more comfortable if he was only going out for essential errands and I said that to him.
OMG he wanted to drive 3.5 hours ONE WAY to come sit in your yard and have lunch and then leave?
That sounds insane during normal circumstances!
Awww I think it’s sweet he would do that. Is he very lonely? Sometimes we visit my brother’s family in PA for the day (if it’s an event & we have something to do the next day, otherwise we stay over). It’s about 3-4 hours each way.
We started going to my parents house last weekend. They have a big backyard. We set up chairs around their fire pit (at least 6’ apart) & we all wear masks. We don’t go in the house.
I don’t think he’s lonely. I’m one of 5 children. He visits the rest of them almost every single day, while socially distancing himself. He visits me maybe 2x per year, but hasn’t been here since April 2019. We normally go to LI once every 4-6 weeks. We were last there the first weekend in March right as things were getting crazy for a family event.
He did say though, what if I can never visit you again (due to the virus), which made me sad. I just feel like he is not following any of the recommendations and lives in an area where there are a lot of cases. If he only went to the grocery store once a week, I would feel more comfortable. My mom is also an essential worker so that adds another dimension to this.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 11:16 AM |
| |
|
BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by PitterPatter11
I just want to say that today my dad called and asked if he could come and visit. It is a 3.5 hour drive ONE WAY. He said he will bring his own chair and only sit in my backyard. We'll have lunch and then he will go home. I told him I was not comfortable with this and he seemed offended. I would feel more comfortable if he was only going out for essential errands and I said that to him.
This is so sad to me though. He sounds lonely and desperate to see his family. My thoughts are that if my parents lived nearby, I would let them come (they live in Michigan). Afterall, my parents are older and could die of a heart attack tomorrow. But, everyone has to do what they think it is right.
(oh, I just read your second post)
Message edited 5/19/2020 12:12:34 PM.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 12:11 PM |
| |
|
itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
It’s very hard. This is a very hard time now because many are done with social distancing but we still have covid and no cure or answers. I struggle with this with family and friends. I personally could stay quarantined forever just to be healthy and safe BUT
As a previous poster said - life is short. Anything can happen. We’ve already been living like this for over two months. My parents are older. I don’t want to look back at this time which may go on forever and think of how I didn’t see them for months on end and to think of them missing family and human interaction. So yes, I see them even though they are like many of u describe and there is more chance of us catching from them then them from us. We stay outside only - they sit on chairs at a distance with their masks on and we chat and they watch the kids play. If we can catch it like that then we are all doomed anyway.
Add to that the fact that even though we are closer to being legally allowed to move forward really nothing has changed, covid is still there, there is still no understanding, no cure, no vaccine and no knowledge of immunity. So either we just decide not to see our family again or spend months of their golden years apart or we suck it up and do the best we can.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 12:33 PM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
So you are scared of him passing it to you it seems like, right?. (because he goes out too often, etc)
So what if you just stayed 6 feet apart in the yard and wore masks?
I'm not sure how that is high risk at all .
You could much more easily pick it up on a trip to the grocery store than in your yard far enough apart.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 12:35 PM |
| |
|
PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by NervousNell
So you are scared of him passing it to you it seems like, right?. (because he goes out too often, etc)
So what if you just stayed 6 feet apart in the yard and wore masks?
I'm not sure how that is high risk at all .
You could much more easily pick it up on a trip to the grocery store than in your yard far enough apart.
Yes, one concern is that he would pass it to us. If we are just in my yard, I do not think he would however for the reasons you stated.
My other concern is that he typically does not drive here alone or if he does, he takes a 30-60 minute power nap here before he drives home. 7 hours of driving is a lot for anyone, but gets more difficult as you get older.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 1:29 PM |
| |
|
NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by PitterPatter11
Posted by NervousNell
So you are scared of him passing it to you it seems like, right?. (because he goes out too often, etc)
So what if you just stayed 6 feet apart in the yard and wore masks?
I'm not sure how that is high risk at all .
You could much more easily pick it up on a trip to the grocery store than in your yard far enough apart.
Yes, one concern is that he would pass it to us. If we are just in my yard, I do not think he would however for the reasons you stated.
My other concern is that he typically does not drive here alone or if he does, he takes a 30-60 minute power nap here before he drives home. 7 hours of driving is a lot for anyone, but gets more difficult as you get older.
Yes the sheer amount of driving involved would worry me for sure.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 1:30 PM |
| |
|
nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1066 total posts
Name:
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by PitterPatter11
Posted by NervousNell
So you are scared of him passing it to you it seems like, right?. (because he goes out too often, etc)
So what if you just stayed 6 feet apart in the yard and wore masks?
I'm not sure how that is high risk at all .
You could much more easily pick it up on a trip to the grocery store than in your yard far enough apart.
Yes, one concern is that he would pass it to us. If we are just in my yard, I do not think he would however for the reasons you stated.
My other concern is that he typically does not drive here alone or if he does, he takes a 30-60 minute power nap here before he drives home. 7 hours of driving is a lot for anyone, but gets more difficult as you get older.
Yes the sheer amount of driving involved would worry me for sure.
Plus, he can't stay in the yard the whole time. He'd have to use the bathroom at some point. So, he'll be in your house anyway.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 2:25 PM |
| |
|
JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
|
How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
My In-Laws drove down from CT (about 1.5 hours) on Mothers Day - We sat outside and had a nice lunch - we kept 6 feet apart and I didn't let the kids hug them. I did let them use the bathroom - they haven't been going ANYWHERE so I was fine with that risk.
My parents have been at their house in SC since before this started - We actually may go down there for a couple of weeks, depends how our work situations develop over the next few weeks. I can't imagine we'll be going back to the office any time soon.
But ultimately, don't feel pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 2:33 PM |
| |
|
JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
|
Re: How to respond to parents/family who wants to break the social distancing ....but you don't agree?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by PitterPatter11
Posted by NervousNell
So you are scared of him passing it to you it seems like, right?. (because he goes out too often, etc)
So what if you just stayed 6 feet apart in the yard and wore masks?
I'm not sure how that is high risk at all .
You could much more easily pick it up on a trip to the grocery store than in your yard far enough apart.
Yes, one concern is that he would pass it to us. If we are just in my yard, I do not think he would however for the reasons you stated.
My other concern is that he typically does not drive here alone or if he does, he takes a 30-60 minute power nap here before he drives home. 7 hours of driving is a lot for anyone, but gets more difficult as you get older.
Yes the sheer amount of driving involved would worry me for sure.
Seems like its important to your dad. Is it possible for you to drive to him and have a socially distant visit?
My parents are divorced. Normally we would see my Mom every day or at the very least several times a week. My mom is an essential worker and was sick with what we think was the virus beginning of April. Since she recovered we have only seen her outside in a socially distanced way 2x. On mother's day outside with bagels ordered out and recently we ordered dinner out and ate together in a parking lot. Depressing.
We have only seen my Dad once so far to celebrate Mothers day in his yard in a socially distanced way again with food individually ordered out.
|
| Posted 5/19/20 3:44 PM |
| |
|
