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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22136 total posts
Name:
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Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
When is enough enough?
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Posted 6/18/22 6:41 PM  |
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
So many things needed to know.
What is the relationship, what is the main issues that you are having, will they get help, will you get help to understand why they do what they do?
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| Posted 6/18/22 7:09 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
There is so much more that we need to know. Is the person getting treatment, how close are you to the person. Are they stealing or violent towards you?
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| Posted 6/18/22 7:55 PM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22136 total posts
Name:
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Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
This particular family member is my uncle. But I was VERY close to him as a teenager.
He is an alcoholic. And a VERY nasty one. That's part of the reason why I increased the distance between us as I got older.
He is an underdog in some ways. He lost a lot of people in his life when he was younger. Some to drugs, some to AIDS.
But our family has always been supportive. Almost TOO supportive. He was always welcome back home. No matter what he did, he was supported.
Arrested? Hospitalized? In rehab? Always had family support.
He never could hold a steady job but he found a way to survive.
But always an alcoholic and at times, NASTY.
Now it's at the point where he is threatening. I don't believe he will actually do anything. I think it's words. But I am keeping my guard up.
But at what point do you delete all contact? Not answer calls or texts anymore. At what point do you just say good luck?
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| Posted 6/18/22 8:36 PM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
If you’re feeling it’s time, then now. You know when you’re fed up and your mental health comes first.
I currently have a situation like this but it’s a little harder bc my ties to the person involves cutting out an entire family (who Is my world) so I’m stuck in a hell I wish I could escape from. If it were not for those ties, I would have said “see ya never” Years ago.
Do it. Do it now. You’ll feel so much better once the toxicity is out of your life for good.
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| Posted 6/19/22 6:32 AM |
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Deeluvsvinny
DONE
Member since 10/08 4952 total posts
Name:
Whatever
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
Posted by MissJones
This particular family member is my uncle. But I was VERY close to him as a teenager.
He is an alcoholic. And a VERY nasty one. That's part of the reason why I increased the distance between us as I got older.
He is an underdog in some ways. He lost a lot of people in his life when he was younger. Some to drugs, some to AIDS.
But our family has always been supportive. Almost TOO supportive. He was always welcome back home. No matter what he did, he was supported.
Arrested? Hospitalized? In rehab? Always had family support.
He never could hold a steady job but he found a way to survive.
But always an alcoholic and at times, NASTY.
Now it's at the point where he is threatening. I don't believe he will actually do anything. I think it's words. But I am keeping my guard up.
But at what point do you delete all contact? Not answer calls or texts anymore. At what point do you just say good luck?
I have an uncle like this....he has undiagnosed (at least to our awareness) mental illness and is a drug addict. He's actually been extremely successful in life- owns businesses, pretty wealthy, has a wife and 6 kids. But he's always been unstable and always difficult to stay on his good side. He flips on you, becomes nasty, threatening, and scary. His wife is most definitely emotionally, if not physically abused. she has turned on us as well. My mom and her other siblings tried really hard to be supportive, even after he pulled a gun on his own brother.... They ocassionally try to reach out to him, but he's so unstable, you never know what response you'll get.
He has started crazy arguments within the family and my generation (all the cousins) finally had enough a few years ago & stopped communicating with him & wife. we tried to stay in touch with the kids (they are all much younger than us) but they either felt awkward or were poisoned by their parents, so they won't talk to us anymore. It's sad, but it was too much uncessary stress and drama. the family events are much calmer now. I will say, that if he gets help one day (I pray that he does)- we will welcome them back. I know that it's mental illness that makes him this way, but that doesn't mean we need to be his punching bag. In the end, you need to do what's right for YOU and your family. You can be only be supportive if someone wants help, you don't have to be a victim to their crazy.
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| Posted 6/20/22 9:37 AM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22136 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
Posted by Deeluvsvinny
You can be only be supportive if someone wants help, you don't have to be a victim to their crazy.
OMG, thank you! This really solidified my feelings. Thank you!
It makes sense as to where to draw the line.
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| Posted 6/20/22 12:55 PM |
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busymomonli
Resident Insomniac
Member since 4/13 2050 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
I recently cut ties with my brother. He is an alcoholic and a very nasty one. He has been to rehab so many times, but he's just not ready to fix himself. Our mom was recently in the hospital and he showed up drunk, caused a huge scene and said some terrible things to me that I won't soon forget. I understand he has an illness, but I made a choice in that moment to cut ties until he can get himself better. If you feel like it may be time, it most likely is.
I have another brother who is also an alcoholic. He is not nasty and takes responsibility for his own actions. I give him my help and support when I can (not financially). He has never placed any blame on anyone but himself. So, I set my boundaries with him and give him emotional support when I can.
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| Posted 6/21/22 8:35 AM |
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lpg21
LIF Infant
Member since 9/21 342 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
When it starts affecting you and your well being.
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| Posted 6/21/22 8:40 AM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
Posted by MissJones
This particular family member is my uncle. But I was VERY close to him as a teenager.
He is an alcoholic. And a VERY nasty one. That's part of the reason why I increased the distance between us as I got older.
He is an underdog in some ways. He lost a lot of people in his life when he was younger. Some to drugs, some to AIDS.
But our family has always been supportive. Almost TOO supportive. He was always welcome back home. No matter what he did, he was supported.
Arrested? Hospitalized? In rehab? Always had family support.
He never could hold a steady job but he found a way to survive.
But always an alcoholic and at times, NASTY.
Now it's at the point where he is threatening. I don't believe he will actually do anything. I think it's words. But I am keeping my guard up.
But at what point do you delete all contact? Not answer calls or texts anymore. At what point do you just say good luck?
you answered your own question.
It's now.
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| Posted 6/27/22 6:53 PM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22136 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
Posted by Mushesgirl
Posted by MissJones
This particular family member is my uncle. But I was VERY close to him as a teenager.
He is an alcoholic. And a VERY nasty one. That's part of the reason why I increased the distance between us as I got older.
He is an underdog in some ways. He lost a lot of people in his life when he was younger. Some to drugs, some to AIDS.
But our family has always been supportive. Almost TOO supportive. He was always welcome back home. No matter what he did, he was supported.
Arrested? Hospitalized? In rehab? Always had family support.
He never could hold a steady job but he found a way to survive.
But always an alcoholic and at times, NASTY.
Now it's at the point where he is threatening. I don't believe he will actually do anything. I think it's words. But I am keeping my guard up.
But at what point do you delete all contact? Not answer calls or texts anymore. At what point do you just say good luck?
you answered your own question.
It's now.
Thank you.
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| Posted 6/27/22 7:35 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Family member with mental illness-when do you decide you’re done?
Posted by MissJones
This particular family member is my uncle. But I was VERY close to him as a teenager.
He is an alcoholic. And a VERY nasty one. That's part of the reason why I increased the distance between us as I got older.
He is an underdog in some ways. He lost a lot of people in his life when he was younger. Some to drugs, some to AIDS.
But our family has always been supportive. Almost TOO supportive. He was always welcome back home. No matter what he did, he was supported.
Arrested? Hospitalized? In rehab? Always had family support.
He never could hold a steady job but he found a way to survive.
But always an alcoholic and at times, NASTY.
Now it's at the point where he is threatening. I don't believe he will actually do anything. I think it's words. But I am keeping my guard up.
But at what point do you delete all contact? Not answer calls or texts anymore. At what point do you just say good luck?
I have an aunt in similar circumstances. I cut her off completely 2 years ago and, let me tell you, its nice. That doesn't mean I don't miss her. I do. I think of her daily but the amount of events she ruined with her drinking, the times she called me drunk out of her mind just to be rude to me are not missed at all. Not one bit. Two years in a row she showed up to my son's birthday party completely hammered. She drove like that! One time her car was banged up and she said she was in a hit and run. Now she is at MY HOME where alcohol is being served at a party and I have to worry about the cops showing up to deal with this hot mess. No thanks. My DH and I work too hard and have too much to lose to jeopardize that for someone who doesn't care about herself enough to get her life together. It's not an easy decision but you have enough stress in life to have to deal with other people's problems that they won't do anything to fix.
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| Posted 7/1/22 10:31 PM |
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