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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 6/4/2012 5:21:58 PM.
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Posted 10/30/07 2:32 PM  |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
I can't imagine not being attracted to him anymore.
I mean, I've always been SO attracted to him- how could that change?
I wouldn't even be able to fully answer that question because I don't even know what that would feel like.
That being said- the other prob is that MOST of the attraction to him comes from his personality and how he cares for me- which just makes his physical appearance that much more appealing to me.
I think I may have just confused you more. 
Message edited 10/30/2007 2:35:06 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:34 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by KittyTheStray
Do you think you think you can control physical attraction? (I don't mean ACTING on it, but that 'spark' for lack of a better word). I know physical attraction goes beyond looks, but can you control it?
Would you stay in your marriage if you were no longer attracted to your SO?
Would you want to stay in a marriage where you knew your SO wasn’t attracted to you?
No, I believe you cannot control who you are attracted to.
I don't think I could stay in a marriage where I was not attracted to my DH, nor would I want to stay with him if I knew he was no longer attracted to me.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:35 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 6/4/2012 5:22:17 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:39 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
I think one day, when we are old and wrinkled, maybe the physical attraction will be different than what it was when we first met.
I can't expect DH to love my boobs when they're down to my ankles. But I do expect him to still be in love with me and that is where the attraction will be.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:40 PM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
To me physical attraction or that "spark" is something you are drawn to before you know a person and then changes over time. For me at least attraction is sooo entwined in who a person is it usually has very little to do with how a person looks.
There are people who are typically beautiful who I find ugly because of who they are on the inside, there are "typicall ugly" people I find beautiful for the same reason.
I love my husband, in order for him to become unattractive to me his personality or who he is inside would have to change. If he loses his hair, gains 100 lbs and gets age spots but is still the wonderful man he is today, I would still find him attractive.
Message edited 10/30/2007 2:41:23 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:40 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Two weeks ago I was in my deli when I looked up into the eyes of a drop-dead gorgeous policeman in uniform. I was actually startled by how good looking he was.
I think attraction can be both - I think it can be involuntary and completely on the surface. And I know that I have become more attracted to my husband, the longer we've been together.
I've also dated guys who weren't that good looking but their personality is what was attractive.
As far as not being attracted to my husband... I would stick with it. Because of the ebb and flow of relationships. I could imagine my mother's answer if I asked her if she was still attracted to my father after almost 40 years. She'd say something sarcastic, most likely.
But I think the aspects of relationships take different forms over the years and that you probably won't always have the same intensity you did when you first met. And that doesn't mean there's a horrible problem.
It takes all forms, but if you're lucky, it's everlasting. 
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:42 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by KittyTheStray
Posted by DaniRella
I mean, I've always been SO attracted to him- how could that change?
I feel the same way, but I just worry because you hear about marriages 'fizzling' out. I feel like you can’t really control who you’re attracted to, so is it possible for it to just go away?? Is that what people mean when they say their marriage 'fizzled' out?
I guess that is the case for some people. I think people changing-- maybe getting a little heavier, more wrinkles, going bald is natural so when I knew I wanted to marry Vin I pretty much expected that.
When things fizzle I think it is because two people have stopped communicating and/or working to keep that attraction. It is natural for us to change as we get older but if we change apart rather than together then all of a sudden you COULD start seeing your SO in another light.
I think attraction is something that needs to grow along with physical change and people need to work on that in order to make it happen.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:43 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
I think there are different forms of attraction and physical is just one of them.
I don't think you can really control physical attraction.
I also think levels and types of attraction have an ebb and flow in a marriage. Sometimes you can be more attracted to your SO's physical looks and other times you are more attracted to him emotionally or spiritually.
Because of those changes, I don't think I could ever say that I would or wouldn't stay in a marriage where one of us is no longer attracted to the other.
That alone is not reason enough.
A marriage is a complicated, ever-changing and (hopefully) growing thing. I can't see it simplified down to whether or not you are attracted to the other person and that being the deciding factor of whether or not to stay.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:43 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Message edited 11/14/2011 8:48:41 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:44 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 6/4/2012 5:22:38 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:46 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by KittyTheStray
You know, this is exactly what I was looking for - you put into words EXACTLY what I was thinking about! I was able to formulate questions, but not really an explanation... I am guessing when I'm 75 I won't be wanting to have 'headboard banging' relations with my DH, but I can't imagine not snuggling up next to him and looking into his eyes! I never want to be without him, he's my best friend.
exactly what i was "trying" lol to say too... i just can't imagine not having that basic "snuggle" connection with him. so yeah, tantric might not be in the cards for us when we are 80 but the "care" will always be there.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:48 PM |
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shell
:-)
Member since 6/06 2988 total posts
Name:
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by NinaLemon
To me physical attraction or that "spark" is something you are drawn to before you know a person and then changes over time. For me at least attraction is sooo entwined in who a person is it usually has very little to do with how a person looks.
There are people who are typically beautiful who I find ugly because of who they are on the inside, there are "typicall ugly" people I find beautiful for the same reason.
I love my husband, in order for him to become unattractive to me his personality or who he is inside would have to change. If he loses his hair, gains 100 lbs and gets age spots but is still the wonderful man he is today, I would still find him attractive.
ITA!!!!!!!
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:50 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Message edited 6/4/2012 5:21:42 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:51 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
I once read a quote from someone... that in order to have a long lasting relationship, you need to have a good friendship as a foundation. Because after the kids are grown and leave the nest, it's just the two of you again. And without being friends, what will the two of you have to talk about?
I always remembered that. You strive for goals in your life and when you reach the goal to retire, that means spending a whole lot more time with your spouse.
My Aunt said once that she had to learn who her husband was again, once they retired.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:54 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 6/4/2012 5:23:22 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:56 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by greenfreak
Two weeks ago I was in my deli when I looked up into the eyes of a drop-dead gorgeous policeman in uniform. I was actually startled by how good looking he was.
I think attraction can be both - I think it can be involuntary and completely on the surface. And I know that I have become more attracted to my husband, the longer we've been together.
I've also dated guys who weren't that good looking but their personality is what was attractive.
As far as not being attracted to my husband... I would stick with it. Because of the ebb and flow of relationships. I could imagine my mother's answer if I asked her if she was still attracted to my father after almost 40 years. She'd say something sarcastic, most likely.
But I think the aspects of relationships take different forms over the years and that you probably won't always have the same intensity you did when you first met. And that doesn't mean there's a horrible problem.
It takes all forms, but if you're lucky, it's everlasting.
Perfectly said. Greeny, the voice of reason.
I have changed over the years. What attracts me in someone is different than when I was younger. It's not just look anymore. It's a whole package.
For example I always found "attractive" jerks to be repulsive to me.
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| Posted 10/30/07 2:57 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by KittyTheStray
I never want to be without him, he's my best friend.
I swear, I hadn't read this when I posted last about needing to have a friendship first - to have a longlasting relationship.
But it shows a lot, doesn't it? 
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| Posted 10/30/07 3:00 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by greenfreak
Two weeks ago I was in my deli when I looked up into the eyes of a drop-dead gorgeous policeman in uniform. I was actually startled by how good looking he was.
I think attraction can be both - I think it can be involuntary and completely on the surface. And I know that I have become more attracted to my husband, the longer we've been together.
I've also dated guys who weren't that good looking but their personality is what was attractive.
As far as not being attracted to my husband... I would stick with it. Because of the ebb and flow of relationships. I could imagine my mother's answer if I asked her if she was still attracted to my father after almost 40 years. She'd say something sarcastic, most likely.
But I think the aspects of relationships take different forms over the years and that you probably won't always have the same intensity you did when you first met. And that doesn't mean there's a horrible problem.
It takes all forms, but if you're lucky, it's everlasting.
As usual...well said! ITA
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| Posted 10/30/07 3:01 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 6/4/2012 5:23:38 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 3:01 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by KittyTheStray
...and what's everyone's big hang up about their DH’s going bald 
As you know, Rusty is going grey but not bald. I loooooove it. We joke around about it all the time. We're getting older together.
I have always had a thing for bald men. Especially ones with nicely shaped heads and skin tone. Like Michael Jordan or Bruce Willis. 
FTR, I think Dean looks better without hair.
Message edited 10/30/2007 3:03:43 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 3:02 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
I don't understand this...
from my POV, if you love someone, attraction while important, is not the most important element of a relationship.
I'd like to think that if I gained weight, my DH wouldn't up and leave me b/c of it. and vice versa. that is so shallow!
IMO, that's the same thing as marrying someone for money and if they suddenly lost the money, you would leave them.
I will never understand people like that. 
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| Posted 10/30/07 3:04 PM |
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TheWhiteRabbit
Thru the rabbit hole!
Member since 7/06 4412 total posts
Name:
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Message edited 6/4/2012 5:23:59 PM.
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| Posted 10/30/07 3:10 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by greenfreak
Two weeks ago I was in my deli when I looked up into the eyes of a drop-dead gorgeous policeman in uniform. I was actually startled by how good looking he was.
Did you happen to see if he was wearing a wedding band?? 
Gotta keep your options open
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| Posted 10/30/07 3:11 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: The marriage post has had me thinking all day and raised some questions about attraction for me...
Posted by KittyTheStray
...and what's everyone's big hang up about their DH’s going bald
I actually love Vin's little bald spot in the back of his head.
I can pick him out in a crowd in a SPLIT second! It's great at carnivals or concerts.
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| Posted 10/30/07 3:12 PM |
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