2 under 2 moms. advice needed

I keep going back and forth with the idea of giving declan a sibiling either 2 years apart or just under 2. I panic thinking ill be taking declan's baby time away from him and how ill manage 2 kids and 3 dogs. Anyone who knows me, knows my dogs are my lives. I pay more attention to them than most people who have an infant.

On the other hand, I miss being pregnant so much and id love for declan to have a close best friend/sibiling. My sister is 10 years younger than me and my brother is 13 years younger so I almost feel robbed and im more like a parent to them.

Can any of you btdt moms give me advice, pros/cons and if its manageable. Especially those with pets. Thanks guys!!

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

Watching my girls together I can without a doubt say that giving Maddie a sibling so close in age has truly been a gift to her. Actually to them BOTH. Eliza follows Mads around doing everything she does. Mads has a total audience in her baby sister and just loves to "perform" for her.

They truly are "best friends".

As for the dog, I am of no help. Poor Luna has definitely slipped in the ranking 'round these parts. She's still an integral part of our family and is always with us in the house (and walks as a family), but she definitely doesn't get the type of attention she got from me before. That said, my second DD Eliza is obsessed with Luna and Luna really seems to enjoy the (monitored)attention she gets from her human big sister.

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

Just remember...you could have TWINS

In all seriousness ...you saw first hand a few times now what I go through....and its both a blessing and unbelievably hard.

I think having kids close together in the LONG run is really awesome and they will love it.

At first though, when your knee deep into it, its REALLY hard.

But I also think its based on the kids too, and declans disposition is awesome and I think he would be fine with the adjustment.

my honest opinion? I wouldnt do it that close together, but thats me based on what I can handle. ( we have a dog and 2 cats...and our dog has taken a HUGE backseat)...

But having said that, you seem calmer then me in a lot of regards and better suited to handle it

I would ( if me) wait just a little bit longer, the terrible twos are rough.

But I have no doubt in my mind having seen you in action that you couldnt handle it, you could and would be amazing...

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

Wow donna, that was seriously one of the sweetest things anyones ever said to me! I try to stay calm but of course, sometimes I lose it like any other mom. And you had 3 UNDER 2 so you're not only in another ball game, you're also not giving yourself enough credit! You're a fantastic mom and you always know what to do with the 3. Do you feel like you stole noah's baby time away? That's mt biggest fear. Declan's extremely attached to me so I fear he'll act out and not only be resentful but actually psycologically screw him up. Call me a worry wart but i live with it first hand. I feel my dh completely shur himself down from connecting with people on an emotional level cause of his brother being born. That's a whole different story though haha.

Ahh it doesn't help all of my friends are pregnant and I just went and saw my friend at winthrop yesterday where I delivered. Stop baby fever!!

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

We managed 3 under 3 and 2 dogs! The older children have no idea they are missing anything (which they aren't). Even at the tender age of 17.5 and 15 mths...both older kids were entranced with the new baby and they were such great helpers.

Now they are 4.5, almost 3, and the baby will be 2 in Sept and they do EVERYTHING together. It's so sweet....I'll admit it's tough but I wouldn't change it!

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

my sister and I are twins and we have a brother who is 21 months older, also two others (3.5 years older and 7 years older)...

my mom still says to this day that she feels she robbed my brother who is 21 months older of his "baby time." To this day, he is 100% the typical middle child. She didnt know at the time that she would have twins as #4 and #5 which made it all that much more difficult.

from MY perspective, its awesome. It wasnt when we were kids - we all fought all the time (but what siblings dont, especially when you have 5 kids in 7.5 years) but now, I wouldnt change it for the world. I have 4 best friends and all but one of my siblings are married = even more best friends.



i think that my DH and I are planning 3 years apart. you cant really go by my feelings though because being a twin and having shared everything my entire life, i think im a little bit jaded (and i think my sister would agree). I want my kids to have "their own" time with us its a catch22 for me

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

I say go for it!!!!!

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

I became pregnant with my DS when my DD was 15 months old. I didn't plan on it but now I am so happy that things worked out the way they did. It was very hard being pregnant with a little one and my DD did have to do without some quality time with me, here and there but I think about the huge trade-off. My siblings are all much older than me and every time I complain about how tired I am and overwhelmed I feel, i think about how nice it is going to be for my children to have each other.

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

kimmie this is just me (we seem to have the same type of disposition and parenting type, and you seem laid back like myself)

i spent 2 weeks with my niece who is about 11 months older then my dd and while i was talking and talking about how i couldnt wait to get pregnant (dispite my horrible pregnancy and delivery) again and have them very close in age.. i quickly changed my tune. i figured once she can walk and talk it would be easier... well.. its NOT! my niece while i adore her and love her to pieces shes VERY needy still and very much still a baby! even now at 20 months she still needs her mommy and isnt very independant (like i assumd it would be) so because i had spent somet ime taking care of her and abby i have decided to wait a little longer and it helps that my bff is getting married and i promised i wouldnt be gigantic for her wedding. im plannng on TTC some time in march next year. i figure abby will be atleast 2 1/2 when the baby comes... im ok with that!

i say RENT A KID and test it out! abbys up for rent if you'd like!

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

Posted by Meggo613
i say RENT A KID and test it out! abbys up for rent if you'd like!

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

I think its really a weird time frame too. I would say either do it RIGHT now, or wait till Declans like 18 months...If I had just one , it would have been much easier...no a walk in the park but much easier. Noah can help me out with the girls etc.

AND , no I didnt feel I robbed his childhood because he was just over 2 when they were born and we still do a lot of just Noah stuff with him.

Had I known what I know now, I'd have waited till he was at least 3. But yet at the same time, I appreciate that they will likely enjoy being so close in age.

BUT, I also think about 3 teenagers too

I think the ones who have the babies with REALLY small time frames between them seem to actually say its easier. So , maybe get STARTED

Its such a personal decision....

Probably best advice...Don't overthink it, do whats in your heart.

And you can TOTALLY borrow a baby to test drive it.

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

I don't understand people saying anyone is "robbing" their children of anything. They are all so young- BELIEVE me.... no one is going to remember that mom "ruined" their life by giving them a sibling.

There will always be enough love to go around. My girls have never been for want of anything, especially my attention. Personally, I feel the older they are, the more the older child realizes what they might be missing. MY older DD was 17 months old when her sister got here. There were some times where both needed my attention, and usually I tended to my older DD forst because she was more likely to "remember" (at least according to my pediatrician).

Other reasons I loved having 2 under 2:

*napping at the same time
*getting it all done in one shot (I couldn't imagine having an independant potty-trained 3.5 year old and having to go back to the newborn phase).
*having them so close made taking care of a NB like "old hat"- I totally knew what I was doing because I'd only done it a year or so earlier
*having my own playgroup every day. My DDs have a constant playmate which is only a positive in my eyes. Both are learning how to share, take turns, and the socialization is fantastic for them

Truthfully- it will be whatever you make of it. If you can swing it financially and emotionally, then you'll be totally fine and have no regrets. I can't imagine anyone saying, "I wish I never had my second/third/fourth child when I did."

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

Posted by Porrruss

I can't imagine anyone saying, "I wish I never had my second/third/fourth child when I did."

Message edited 4/24/2010 4:00:19 PM.

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

Message edited 4/24/2010 6:11:55 PM.

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

Posted by dm24angel

Posted by Porrruss

I can't imagine anyone saying, "I wish I never had my second/third/fourth child when I did."

Unfortunatly I could say this....

If I had known I was going to have twins I would have taken every protection available to NOT have gotten PG(yet). The timing was wrong for us.

I love my children, I love my life, I make the best of it and embrace it, I CANT change it and thats OK but I would have done it differently...Since I didn't theres not much sense dwelling on it, so I don't go around talking about it, no reason to, but knowing what I do now, I wouldnt have done it this way.

And I don't feel I'm alone on this either, I just think people are afraid to be honest , or feel judged if they admit it didnt turn out "perfect"....Or think others will think they don't love their children.

All of that said, I agree with the thoughts behind your words. Once they are here , it just doesnt matter anymore, you make it work, you will 100% love and adore your children...but I do think everyone needs to think about and decide for themselves, for some they want an age difference, for others they don't. Theres no right or wrong, but its worth hearing the pro's and con's.

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

Posted by Meggo613


i say RENT A KID and test it out! abbys up for rent if you'd like!

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

My girls are 23 months apart and I wouldn't change it for anything. I see everyone saying oh it is so easy. But for me it wasn't as DD#1 is high spirited, but is getting better. The 1st 6-8 months was really rough but now we are in a routine and I love it. DD#2 LOVES her big sister and DD#1 LOVES her baby sister. DD#1 was so excited when DD#2 started walking this week holding only one of my hands and regularly asks when her sister will be chasing her around so that they can play more. She shows her baby sister all her toys (although she doesn't share as well as I would like) she loves to teach her lot of new things. I'm an only child so it was important to me to have them closer together so that hopefully they would be closer. DH has a few years between him and his brother and he says he felt that it made the relationship harder growing up so he isn't as close to his brother as he would like to be.

Re: 2 under 2 moms. advice needed

My boys are 22 months apart and DH and I LOVE IT

The first few weeks/months were tough--and some days still are...but seeing them together makes it all worth it

I also saved lots of $$ having kids so close since i didnt need to re-buy lots of items esp with 2 boys :)