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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Would it bother you if...
When you gave a relative a wedding (or any type of cash) gift someone else in the family was getting a list of exactly how much you gave???
A certain someone has demanded we give them a list of who gave us what (if anything) since we mailed out the "surprise we are already married" announcements...and Im just not comfortable with it...
I just dont think its fair, that people are giving us a gift (at of the goodness of there heart) and someone else is getting a list and "reviewing" it. I just dont think its anyone business.
Like I think of people I have given gifts too (gifts that I could afford..not to "meet" what they gave me...)and I would feel embarassed if someone else was judging my accordingly...
whats your input?
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Posted 1/19/06 3:51 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would it bother you if...
That sounds wierd to me. I would not be comfortable giving a relative a list of who gave what.
It would be one thing if say, we were at a shower where you open gifts, and one relative was keeping a list of what was given for your "thank you" cards.
But a list to see who gives what and how much- I think that is just wierd. I did share certain things with my mom and sister (anyone in our family who was extremely generous or stingy)- but that was it.
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| Posted 1/19/06 3:57 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Posted by Shellyesq
That sounds wierd to me. I would not be comfortable giving a relative a list of who gave what.
It would be one thing if say, we were at a shower where you open gifts, and one relative was keeping a list of what was given for your "thank you" cards.
But a list to see who gives what and how much- I think that is just wierd. I did share certain things with my mom and sister (anyone in our family who was extremely generous or stingy)- but that was it.
No im not talking about actual gifts...im only talking $$$$
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| Posted 1/19/06 3:58 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Posted by Princessmaris
No im not talking about actual gifts...im only talking $$$$
I know- that's one of the reasons why I think its wierd. Its not like she is making a list for thank yous.
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| Posted 1/19/06 3:59 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would it bother you if...
I was stunned when my MIL wanted a list of what people gave us after our bridal shower and our wedding and our baby shower so that she could give the same thing back to their friend's kids. I told her we didn't keep a list. She wasn't happy, but tough luck.
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:02 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would it bother you if...
My MIL asked me for my list so that she could decide how much she was going to give people for THEIR events based on their gift to us. I thought it was rude and also believe you should give a gift depending on how you feel about the person, etc...not because of what they gave your son. That's just me. I avoided the subject until it was forgotten...she never got the list.
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:03 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Well ...since no gifts have come in yet( if any) she requested we call and tell as soon as one does...
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:04 PM |
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MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Yea my DH's aunt wanted to know about certain people in their family of what and how much they gave cause she said she wanted to see if they are giving out what they received from the family- obviously not- 1 of his cousins who came with her husband gave us 0 not even a card and they are not kids they are in their 30's!
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:05 PM |
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momAGAIN
so outrageous
Member since 7/05 3853 total posts
Name:
TJ
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Re: Would it bother you if...
when my daughter was baptized every card we got MIL asked Fh what was in it and he told her im sorry but i didnt feel it was her business AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! my family would never even think of asking me
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:06 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would it bother you if...
I would "forget" to call and then when asked specifically about what Aunt Jane gave I'd say "Geez, I don't remember. You know how I'm so bad at remembering that stuff now that I'm so busy with work and the baby."
Some people have nerve.....
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:07 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19460 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Would it bother you if...
I made a list for keeping track of thank you notes and so I could deposit it into our account. Both of our parents asked for said list to see if they were giving appropriate amounts in relations to what we received. I gave them the entire list. My mom was obnoxious cause she was like, oh well we (meaning her) people gave more $$. I was like well if you take out the 3 millionaire people that were really generous then they are the same. And her reply was like well they gave you more so my side gave more. What ever. It is a hastle. I wish I did not give them the list, but they both knew I made one so I was stuck.
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:19 PM |
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FelAndJon
needs to update her avatar pic
Member since 6/05 10212 total posts
Name:
Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
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Re: Would it bother you if...
After our wedding, DH and I each gave our parents a list of "their" side. Neither of us had a problem with it.
I would have a had a problem if either had asked for the other side. That is just petty and causes too much competition.
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:28 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would it bother you if...
My in-laws asked for a list after our wedding - but it was because the rest of the list had children getting married. I gave them their friends only.
eta. but yes I was extremely uncomfortable & it did bother me. I save my battles for more important issues like stop giving my kids 6ft of fruit roll-ups.
Message edited 1/19/2006 4:31:07 PM.
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:30 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Wow, I guess it's more normal that I realized. In my family we never talk about financial stuff. Just makes things easier in the long run.
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:31 PM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Posted by FelAndJon
After our wedding, DH and I each gave our parents a list of "their" side. Neither of us had a problem with it.
I would have a had a problem if either had asked for the other side. That is just petty and causes too much competition.
Ditto ... both sides have had a lot of weddings this year and they wanted to know the going rate.
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:32 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Yes that would bother me
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:33 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Would it bother you if...
I made a list, mainly to keep track of everything, so I could personalize the thank you notes and keep track of what should have been deposited. I would never have dreamed of letting anyone see it except for DH. IMO, it is no one else's business and no one knew I had a list. My brother did ask me what the average gift we got was, because he was going to a wedding shortly after ours and wasn't sure what the "going rate" was in recent years, since he hadn't been to a wedding in a while. I was fine with that and told him what most people gave, on average.
I would either tell her it is none of her business, or that I am just not comfortable discussing what other people gave as cash gifts.
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:34 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Posted by sarahsmommy
Wow, I guess it's more normal that I realized. In my family we never talk about financial stuff. Just makes things easier in the long run.
My family is the same way...we never discuss $
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:39 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Would it bother you if...
my family is different i guess
when it comes time for an event, my mom will ask me, how much did so and so give, so that she can determine her gift accordingly
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:42 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Woah. No one needs to know this except you and DH!!
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:43 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Would it bother you if...
we played price is right with our families
we opened the cards with both sets of parents present, after the affair
and everyone bid on what was in the envelope 
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:49 PM |
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FeliciaDP
♥
Member since 5/05 18599 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Would it bother you if...
Posted by Elbee
Posted by FelAndJon
After our wedding, DH and I each gave our parents a list of "their" side. Neither of us had a problem with it.
I would have a had a problem if either had asked for the other side. That is just petty and causes too much competition.
Ditto ... both sides have had a lot of weddings this year and they wanted to know the going rate.
same here!
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| Posted 1/19/06 4:51 PM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: Would it bother you if...
My mom asked for a list. I gave her a list of family members and her and my dad's friends.
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| Posted 1/19/06 5:05 PM |
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oneday
<3
Member since 5/05 4319 total posts
Name:
Pam
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Re: Would it bother you if...
We didn't get asked for the list, but a couple where someone or their kid was getting married after us, IL's did ask so that they knew they'd be in the same ballpark. It didn't bother me, though I don't think I would have felt comfortable giving up the whole list.
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| Posted 1/19/06 5:10 PM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Would it bother you if...
My mom made a list of gifts we received for our engagement, my shower, and our wedding. She made the list partly to be helpful when it came time to write thank you notes (and most of the gifts arrived at her house), and partly b/c she's nosy. When I tell her that we received a wedding from ___, she always asks what/how much. It kind of annoys me, but that's the way my mom is so I kind of expect it. If anyone other than my mom asked about the specific amounts/gifts we received, I'd be kind of annoyed. I wouldn't reveal that information b/c I don't think they have a right to know.
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| Posted 1/19/06 5:14 PM |
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