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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Bad news...long
I have no words for this. I am so sorry.
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Posted 4/5/06 11:06 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
kms717
St Philomena Protect My Son
Member since 2/06 2747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm so sorry...
My dad cheated on my mom also, fortunately for me it happened when I was a kid and I grew up with them being divorced. If you can try to separate your parents relationship with each other from your relationship with your parents. My older sister and younger sister never got over what happened between my parents and therefore they barely have a relationship with my dad. As painful as it is right now, try to remember that your dad is only human and sometimes you have to forgive. What happens between your parents is up to your mom now, but you don't need to loose your dad.
HTH,
Kelly
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| Posted 4/6/06 12:07 AM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. 
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| Posted 4/6/06 1:02 AM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
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| Posted 4/6/06 6:22 AM |
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KaRiSsA
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Member since 5/05 4646 total posts
Name:
KARISSA
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Re: Bad news...long
I am so sorry!
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| Posted 4/6/06 6:29 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: Bad news...long
Don't know if I could ever look at my dad again
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| Posted 4/6/06 6:40 AM |
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Crismicka
How did I get so lucky
Member since 5/05 3725 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm so so sorry
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| Posted 4/6/06 6:41 AM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Bad news...long
Im so sorry that you and your family have to go through with this
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| Posted 4/6/06 7:34 AM |
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ODonnell
.
Member since 9/05 5983 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. Pretty much the same thing is happening to a friend of mine since December. She had the same attitude your mother has towards marriage and even forgave her husband after a brief affair 20 years ago. I believe she would stay with him now too, but he wants a divorce. I hope your mother makes the right decision for her and your family.
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| Posted 4/6/06 7:59 AM |
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Myrockette
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Member since 5/05 5632 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm sorry you have to go through this
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| Posted 4/6/06 8:18 AM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
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| Posted 4/6/06 8:26 AM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
OMG, i am so sorry. i can't imagine what you are all going through.
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| Posted 4/6/06 8:32 AM |
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BMonster
:)
Member since 2/06 2959 total posts
Name:
Denise
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Re: Bad news...long
So sorry you're dealing with this
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| Posted 4/6/06 8:42 AM |
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Ali1
Mommy
Member since 8/05 3116 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
So sorry too that you are having to deal with this.
This is a hard situation to deal with and I pray you and your family can get past this and you mom and dad can work out their issues. Whatever happens, as angry as you might be at your Dad...remember what he has done for you over the past many years and the love you have for him. It might help you get past the anger even if its just a little bit.
Good luck.
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| Posted 4/6/06 8:52 AM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm very sorry that your mom is going through this. This also happened with my parents about 8 years ago. they had other issues in their marriage that lead my father to cheat. But they decided to work out their problems and stay together. They are actually happier now then they have ever been in their marriage.
I know that some of the other girls mentioned that they have anger and feel hurt by the cheating parent; and eveyone has a right to feel the way that they feel....but please keep in mind that your father did not cheat on you. He loves you uncoditionally. And if it is your mother's choice to work through this then both your parents will need your positive support.
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| Posted 4/6/06 9:15 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Bad news...long
Posted by Boobobunny
I'm very sorry that your mom is going through this. This also happened with my parents about 8 years ago. they had other issues in their marriage that lead my father to cheat. But they decided to work out their problems and stay together. They are actually happier now then they have ever been in their marriage.
I know that some of the other girls mentioned that they have anger and feel hurt by the cheating parent; and eveyone has a right to feel the way that they feel....but please keep in mind that your father did not cheat on you. He loves you uncoditionally. And if it is your mother's choice to work through this then both your parents will need your positive support.
This is not always true. I hope it is the case in the Anonymous poster's case. But I hear this a lot at a general statement, that your dad loves you and he did this to your mom, not the whole family. I hope it's true for the poster, but it's not ALWAYS true as a matter of fact. Sometimes dads can NOT love their children, sometimes thay can do things that specifically hurt their children, not just the mom. I just felt the need to clarfiy that, because I hear a lot of it about my own situation and it sadly is NOT the case that it's always just b/w the parents and that both parents love their children and desire to be there for them. 
Please let us know how it goes..
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| Posted 4/6/06 10:23 AM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Bad news...long
I can totally understand how you are feeling since my parents went through this a few yaers ago. It was very hard on my brother & I and worse for my mom. I felt pity for my dad, and felt shame even for him. But I never stopped loving him since he has been a great father to me always. I forgave him and I never hated him or felt hate. I did feel baetrayed because he betrayed us all. My parents worked things out & it was painful and did take some time, but they are very happy now and I don't hold it against him. I think we all make msitakes and I"m not saying ti's ok because it is not and there is no excuse, but my parents had problems and were in denial about them. My mom turned to God and I did the same. We cried a lot but things got better. We all react differenty and no one can tell you how to feel or act. Listen to your heart...and do what is right for you. If you need an ear please feel free to FM me.
Message edited 4/6/2006 10:31:14 AM.
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| Posted 4/6/06 10:30 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Bad news...long
My father cheated on my mother for years without us knowing-I found out when i was 23 and told my mother...I was DISGUSTED by him, everything I had known was totally shattered.
I knew they had problems years before when he had cheated...but none of the kids knew (I am the eldest of 6!). Supposedly he vowed never to do it again and they worked on their marriage.
Well...now he is married to the woman he cheated with-he basically abandoned his kids for a while to form a relationship with her. It hurt so much and I resented him for years. It was when he reached out and wanted forgiveness that I started listening to him...but it was very very hard and I will STILL cry about it (i'm 27) thinking of how he left a great woman and 6 wonderful kids to be with this person...we will never understand it, but have slowly moved on. Of course the loyalty the kids feels will always be with our mom who has gone above and beyond for all of us and my relationship with my dad will never be the same. We are more "Friends" than father/daughter...
But anyway...I married a great guy who I know in my heart would never put me through that. He is digusted by my dad and assures me every day that he could never be so cruel to me as my dad was to my mom, and i truly believe it. But it did make me skeptical of relationships..it was very hard to believe that something so good could happen to me..
Hang in there. I feel your pain all too well, and it'll get better. I hope your mom is strong and puts herself first...
Message edited 4/6/2006 10:55:31 AM.
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| Posted 4/6/06 10:52 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Bad news...long
Posted by Boobobunny
I know that some of the other girls mentioned that they have anger and feel hurt by the cheating parent; and eveyone has a right to feel the way that they feel....but please keep in mind that your father did not cheat on you. He loves you uncoditionally. And if it is your mother's choice to work through this then both your parents will need your positive support.
I feel like my father cheated on our family. I asked him point blank if he was having an affair with the whore he is still with and he lied right to my face. Now, this is the man who drilled into my head growing up the ONE thing he could never forgive was a lie. 
Plus, I feel that he bailed on my mom when she needed him most (she has a TON of mental/physical illnesses) for some slut who broke up her own family and ours. I know I sound angry, but I feel that the woman my dad cheated with knew he was married and cheated anyway. I have no respect for someone like that, quite honestly. Plus, now they are living together and want to married???? WTH??? She tells my dad all the time that her "biggest fear" is that my brother, SIL, MY DH and I all hate her. UM...HELLO you broke up my family and now my mother is in a nursing home because she mentally could not handle the fact the her husband of 26 years left her for you! 
Plus, she never had kids with her ex husband (he did not want them) and when she found out I was pregnant my dad told me that my pregnancy was "difficult for her" because she was jealous! ***? This is my dad's first grandchild and all you can think about is your own selfish azz?? All she talks about with my dad is having their "own family". Excuse me my dad has 2 kids already and at 55 he should be focusing on his grandchildren, IMHO.
I write this all to say that EVERY situation is different and I do feel like my dad let me down and cheated on my family. He lets me down all the time just by forcing me to try to accept this whore into our family (he asks me to write her Christmas/birthday/holiday cards and I do not). Every time he mentions her it pours salt in the wound. Yes he physcially cheated on my mom, but emotional and mentally cheated on the family. That is how I feel. You are entitled to feel any way you want about it.
Ok, rant over. 
Message edited 4/6/2006 11:57:59 AM.
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| Posted 4/6/06 11:56 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Bad news...long
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, Dina. I'm glad you posted about it though, because I've been struggling a lot against people who say they hate my dad, but on the next breath tell me he's still my father and it's b/w my parents, not me, but EVERY situation is different, and for me it's those broad generalizations that get to me the most.
ETA: I'm sorry, I don't mean to make it about me, but I think the situation is confusing and hurtful enough without a lot of the misunderstandings and generalizations people have. Every situation is different, and you need to first see what your situation IS, and then see how you want to deal with it. I don't believe there really is a "right" or "wrong" way to deal with it because every situation is different, and no one should have to go through this, so there is no handbook. I got the opportunity to tell my dad exactly what i thought of him the day he left (this was before we knew even 1/10th of what was really going on), and so I feel like i said my peace, and there's nothing more I can do or want to do with him, some people can grow to have great relationships. Your mom may only feel like her marriage is over, but they may work it out, so you never know you just have to hold it together as best you can and see how it plays out.
Message edited 4/6/2006 12:05:21 PM.
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| Posted 4/6/06 12:00 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Bad news...long
Posted by marymoon
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, Dina. I'm glad you posted about it though, because I've been struggling a lot against people who say they hate my dad, but on the next breath tell me he's still my father and it's b/w my parents, not me, but EVERY situation is different, and for me it's those broad generalizations that get to me the most.
ETA: I'm sorry, I don't mean to make it about me, but I think the situation is confusing and hurtful enough without a lot of the misunderstandings and generalizations people have. Every situation is different, and you need to first see what your situation IS, and then see how you want to deal with it. I don't believe there really is a "right" or "wrong" way to deal with it because every situation is different, and no one should have to go through this, so there is no handbook. I got the opportunity to tell my dad exactly what i thought of him the day he left (this was before we knew even 1/10th of what was really going on), and so I feel like i said my peace, and there's nothing more I can do or want to do with him, some people can grow to have great relationships. Your mom may only feel like her marriage is over, but they may work it out, so you never know you just have to hold it together as best you can and see how it plays out.
I agree and thank you.
I don't mean to make it all about me eigther. I just wanted to express a different point of view in order to let "anotheranon" know that she will go through a range of emotions and no matter what she is feeling at the time, she is entitled to feel it.
I was super close with my dad before all this happened. He was "my hero" in life. Then, to have that image come crashing down all around you is very painful. That is all I was trying to say. AnotherAnon, my heart goes out to you.
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| Posted 4/6/06 12:11 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Bad news...long
Posted by dandr10199
Posted by marymoon
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, Dina. I'm glad you posted about it though, because I've been struggling a lot against people who say they hate my dad, but on the next breath tell me he's still my father and it's b/w my parents, not me, but EVERY situation is different, and for me it's those broad generalizations that get to me the most.
ETA: I'm sorry, I don't mean to make it about me, but I think the situation is confusing and hurtful enough without a lot of the misunderstandings and generalizations people have. Every situation is different, and you need to first see what your situation IS, and then see how you want to deal with it. I don't believe there really is a "right" or "wrong" way to deal with it because every situation is different, and no one should have to go through this, so there is no handbook. I got the opportunity to tell my dad exactly what i thought of him the day he left (this was before we knew even 1/10th of what was really going on), and so I feel like i said my peace, and there's nothing more I can do or want to do with him, some people can grow to have great relationships. Your mom may only feel like her marriage is over, but they may work it out, so you never know you just have to hold it together as best you can and see how it plays out.
I agree and thank you.
I don't mean to make it all about me eigther. I just wanted to express a different point of view in order to let "anotheranon" know that she will go through a range of emotions and no matter what she is feeling at the time, she is entitled to feel it.
I was super close with my dad before all this happened. He was "my hero" in life. Then, to have that image come crashing down all around you is very painful. That is all I was trying to say. AnotherAnon, my heart goes out to you.
I know you weren't trying to make it about you at all. I just wanted to disclaim, because i didn't want to hijack the thread. It's really hard. I mean people who have great dads shouldn't say "he's still your dad, work it out with him, he loves you" any more than I should say "your dad *****, don't talk to him ever again" because it's such a personal situation and I sometimes wish people would realize that. I also wish people would stop saying things to him on my behalf. they try to get him to care about the fact that i'm graduating college and getting married, but honestly I'd rather he didn't know ANYTHING about my life.
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| Posted 4/6/06 12:14 PM |
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AnotherAnon
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 7 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bad news...long
I wanted to thank you all for your thoughts as we found out this information about my dad.
We had a "girl-family-meeting" yesterday -- it was my mom and two sisters. My mom told us the entire story and everything that has been going on. She wants to try and work things out with my dad. She said she just kind of wants to forget about it and move on but she knows she can't because she is going to be thinking about it every day. She has strong religious beliefs and does not believe in marriage and also said that she doesn't want to start over in life, so for now she is going to try and work things out.
What really upsets me is that she said my dad kept saying how he hurt this other woman too and how if my mom wants to get a divorse it would be OK with him. I just don't understand how after 32 years of being married to my mom he's not begging her to forgive him. I just don't even know how I feel towards my dad right now. I know I can't talk or see him for a while and I am not going to make the first move. If he wants to speak with me and see his grandchild then he has to make the first call. I feel like by putting this woman before my mom he was okay with putting the rest of his family's relationship with him on the line and he really needs to make the first move in my opinion.
Thank you to everyone who wrote, I appreciate all of your thoughts and words.
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| Posted 4/9/06 10:07 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE
Posted by AnotherAnon
I wanted to thank you all for your thoughts as we found out this information about my dad.
We had a "girl-family-meeting" yesterday -- it was my mom and two sisters. My mom told us the entire story and everything that has been going on. She wants to try and work things out with my dad. She said she just kind of wants to forget about it and move on but she knows she can't because she is going to be thinking about it every day. She has strong religious beliefs and does not believe in marriage and also said that she doesn't want to start over in life, so for now she is going to try and work things out.
What really upsets me is that she said my dad kept saying how he hurt this other woman too and how if my mom wants to get a divorse it would be OK with him. I just don't understand how after 32 years of being married to my mom he's not begging her to forgive him. I just don't even know how I feel towards my dad right now. I know I can't talk or see him for a while and I am not going to make the first move. If he wants to speak with me and see his grandchild then he has to make the first call. I feel like by putting this woman before my mom he was okay with putting the rest of his family's relationship with him on the line and he really needs to make the first move in my opinion.
Thank you to everyone who wrote, I appreciate all of your thoughts and words.
Hang in there.
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| Posted 4/9/06 10:11 AM |
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ssbride05
:-)
Member since 5/05 2654 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Bad news...long-UPDATE
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this,... I hope everything works out for the best.. YOu and your family are in my prayers!
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| Posted 4/9/06 10:14 AM |
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