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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Things are not so good on my homefront (well my mothers homefront)
While my brother has passed every drug test since entering into this program, he has stated several times that coke only stays in your system for 2-3 (well shows in a urine test) and since his drug test is the same time and day every week.... he is always ready to pass...
He is still outta control, however not as violent....
My mom is exhausted.... 2 days a week... she has to transport him to drug court, and then counseling... every week his apt. is for 3- however they are the last case to get called...when the time comes the judge is in such a rush..... they check his drug test and dismiss them... my brother hasnt been to school in weeks, and is being denied credit in 8/9 classes...
now he will have to go to summer school- and then it will be my moms responsibility to transport him to and from there everyday...
When my mom tried to tell the judge about the fact he wasnt going to school... he told her she had 2 min. cuz he was going home... She told him... but he said nothing... (Empowering my brother even more)
All this has taken a turn for the worst for my moms mental health.... Her last few days have been horrible... and she keeps talking about admitting herself into an institute...
Today I got home from work, and there was a msg. from her therapist...saying i was my mothers emergency contact, and to call her ASAP... when I called the Dr. she said she had a frantic call from my mom in the middle of the night, and hadnt talked to her since....
I then called my mom, and she just said shes done...She feels all alone, she has no help... and my brothers are just so outta control, she feels like a prisoner in her home.... She is continually verbally abused, and there is nothing she can do to stop their behavior... for she has no rights...
This aggravates me- because I do so much to help her.... and it totally makes me feel worthless....
Im just so stressed.... Between my MIL drama, my mom, my brothers, and my DH not being as helpful or supportive as he should.... I just cant help but wonder... why is this my life??? Thank God for my son...because I seriously wouldve booked my ticket to never never land a long long time ago....
OOOohhh, and my dad was supposed to be coming home in June... which then go t pushed back to July, and now August....
I know there is so many that are dealing with much worse... but I just feel so weak..
Message edited 6/6/2006 7:09:06 PM.
Message edited 6/6/2006 7:12:16 PM.
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Posted 6/6/06 6:58 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
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| Posted 6/6/06 6:59 PM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
what happened?? 
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:02 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
All fixed..
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:12 PM |
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JodiBabe
Married for 9 yrs!!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6672 total posts
Name:
Jodi
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:13 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, but you and your family are in my prayers 
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:16 PM |
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ssbride05
:-)
Member since 5/05 2654 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
I am so sorry your family is going through this... I hope that your mom feels better.
 to you and your family!
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:16 PM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:17 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
I hope you dad comes back soon and kicks the sh!t out of your brother...
i feel sooo bad for you mom...I can't imagine what she is going through 
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:19 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Your poor mother dealing with all of this and feeling like she's at the end of her rope. I wish her strength
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:34 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Posted by Redhead
I hope you dad comes back soon and kicks the sh!t out of your brother...
Ditto
Marissa I'm sending both you and your mom strength to get through this
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:41 PM |
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Summer05
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2320 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:42 PM |
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AndreaLMT
:)
Member since 5/05 6856 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:47 PM |
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bklyngirl
COULD THIS BE MY YEAR??
Member since 6/05 15758 total posts
Name:
Gail
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
we're here for u
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:49 PM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:56 PM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
I can't imagine how hard it is for your mom. I know that you've discussed this before - but what about residential programs for your brother. There are a lot of programs around - everything from Brentwood Outreach House to the 30 day psych/detox program at NUMC. Your mom needs to take care of her mental health and it truly seems (IMO) that she really needs to send him somewhere at this point.
Does he have a probation officer?
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| Posted 6/6/06 7:56 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Posted by mrswask
I can't imagine how hard it is for your mom. I know that you've discussed this before - but what about residential programs for your brother. There are a lot of programs around - everything from Brentwood Outreach House to the 30 day psych/detox program at NUMC. Your mom needs to take care of her mental health and it truly seems (IMO) that she really needs to send him somewhere at this point.
Does he have a probation officer?
Well she could bring him... but if he dosent wanna stay he dosent have to... all these places on LI are open door policy... they dont hold anyone against their will- unless of course its court ordered...
I agree- they def. need not to be together... but she cant kick him out.. or make him go somewhere he dosent want too...
This is why she is thinking the best thing to do is admitt herself into a psych unit....
Since she cant make him leave.... then she feels... she will just leave...
ETA- no prob. officer- when Justin was put into the prog, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt- and said a prob. officer was not needed....
Message edited 6/6/2006 8:13:29 PM.
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| Posted 6/6/06 8:12 PM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Posted by Princessmaris
Posted by mrswask
I can't imagine how hard it is for your mom. I know that you've discussed this before - but what about residential programs for your brother. There are a lot of programs around - everything from Brentwood Outreach House to the 30 day psych/detox program at NUMC. Your mom needs to take care of her mental health and it truly seems (IMO) that she really needs to send him somewhere at this point.
Does he have a probation officer?
Well she could bring him... but if he dosent wanna stay he dosent have to... all these places on LI are open door policy... they dont hold anyone against their will- unless of course its court ordered...
I agree- they def. need not to be together... but she cant kick him out.. or make him go somewhere he dosent want too...
This is why she is thinking the best thing to do is admitt herself into a psych unit....
Since she cant make him leave.... then she feels... she will just leave...
ETA- no prob. officer- when Justin was put into the prog, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt- and said a prob. officer was not needed....
Why can't she kick him out and make him leave? I understand that this is her child and she will do everything she can, but, there comes a time when enough is enough. From what I can tell your mother has gone above and beyond. Her emotional, physical and mental health is at stake here. She needs to pack his bags, put them on the front lawn and change the locks. If he tries to break into the house, have him arrested. Sometimes, "tough love" is the only way to get through to someone.
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| Posted 6/6/06 8:49 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
I think there are some programs that are forced...
i had talked to the our resident psychiatrist way back when you first started talking about this and he has said he thought that StonyBrook had one...
but i could be wrong on the place by now...it was a while ago
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| Posted 6/6/06 8:53 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Posted by Maathy317
Posted by Princessmaris
Posted by mrswask
I can't imagine how hard it is for your mom. I know that you've discussed this before - but what about residential programs for your brother. There are a lot of programs around - everything from Brentwood Outreach House to the 30 day psych/detox program at NUMC. Your mom needs to take care of her mental health and it truly seems (IMO) that she really needs to send him somewhere at this point.
Does he have a probation officer?
Well she could bring him... but if he dosent wanna stay he dosent have to... all these places on LI are open door policy... they dont hold anyone against their will- unless of course its court ordered...
I agree- they def. need not to be together... but she cant kick him out.. or make him go somewhere he dosent want too...
This is why she is thinking the best thing to do is admitt herself into a psych unit....
Since she cant make him leave.... then she feels... she will just leave...
ETA- no prob. officer- when Justin was put into the prog, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt- and said a prob. officer was not needed....
Why can't she kick him out and make him leave? I understand that this is her child and she will do everything she can, but, there comes a time when enough is enough. From what I can tell your mother has gone above and beyond. Her emotional, physical and mental health is at stake here. She needs to pack his bags, put them on the front lawn and change the locks. If he tries to break into the house, have him arrested. Sometimes, "tough love" is the only way to get through to someone.
He's a minor.... you cant just kick him out...
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| Posted 6/6/06 8:56 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Posted by Redhead
I think there are some programs that are forced...
i had talked to the our resident psychiatrist way back when you first started talking about this and he has said he thought that StonyBrook had one...
but i could be wrong on the place by now...it was a while ago
Well according to the judge @ 16 he has civil rights and does not have to go if he dosent want too...
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| Posted 6/6/06 8:57 PM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Just wanted to give you some I am so sorry you guys are still going thru this. I will pray for your brother, you and your mom!
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:00 PM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
She most certainly can. Parents do it all the time. If she doesn't want to do that, then she can petition the courts and sign over her parental rights and have him become a ward of the state. I've seen this happen before and know this can be done. I have two grown daughters and I told each of them that I would help them if they got in trouble, i.e., drugs, drinking, etc. Everybody makes mistakes. However, I told them I would only do it ONCE.
Next time, they were on their own and out of my house. I would be da--ed if I would live my life trying to help someone who doesn't want it and who is destroying mine and everthing around me. Doesn't mean I would love them any less. I just wouldn't put up with it.
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:05 PM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
Maathy's right. You can kick him out, you can change locks, you can have him arrested if he tries to break in. Your mom needs to do everything she can at this point to protect herself.
I don't get how she admitting herself to a psychiatric ward is the solution - what becomes of your brother then? The house?
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:10 PM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: Just wanted to give you all a little update...
he is right about the drug tests and cocaine. They are useless if they are not random. Can she ask for random testing? This all is so stressful. So many to you and your mom.
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| Posted 6/6/06 9:11 PM |
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