What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

your parents did raising you?

MISTAKE: My parents each spoke 5 languages and I speak... English. They never spoke anything to me but English. My DH speaks to our daughter in his native tongue (Hebrew).


BEST THING: We were always told that we were loved. Every day. I knew that I could always come to my parents and trust them, no matter what, and they would still love and support me.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

All in all, I was blessed with a storybook childhood, despite growing up with some differences.

MISTAKE: Their sex lecture consisted of: You can tell us anything, but don't do it. It's for when you're married.

BEST: They were just amazing parents. They showed me the same amount of love as my sister, even though they were faced with issues with her since she is disabled. They never made me feel less important, and gave me the love I needed, as I was an overly sensitive and emotional child.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

BEST: Three things things:
1. Totally loved and respected all 3 of us and always treated us as adults.

2. They turned us into thinkers by always challenging us to think and explain. Dinnertime discussions were about everything. And they exposed us to so much -- true poverty, volunteer work, both of their religions, places in the world, current events, plays, museum, travel, you name it. Experience is valuable beyond words.

3. Raised us without any sense of gender roles. My sister & I were totally equal to my brother and it was not until much later in my life -- graduating college -- that I had any real sense of how much sexism exists in the world. By then, I was confident enough that it did not effect me. I truly do not feel like being a female is anything but postive.

MISTAKE: Mistake is a Harsh word and I am not sure I would use that but sometimes I wish I hadn't always been so aware of everything in the world. Not sure I always knew how to handle it, and I remember as a kid being very worred about world issues and a worry wart in general.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

i was raised very well, imho

the mistake was probably being a little too hard on me about my grades. i always did well, but i was forced to lie- ALOT and it got me into alot of trouble because parents hate liars - but i only lied becasue at times i was not able to live up to my moms standard. so i got introuyble for the bad grade and for lying. my worst days as a kid were the days i got lower than an 85 on a test. it was horrible


best was i was taught to work for what you have and appreciate what you have, to buy a house early, to prepare myself for the worst and if i was ever left on my own with kids and no husband, to be self sufficient.

Message edited 10/9/2006 4:09:42 PM.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Mistake:

My parents NEVER said I love you or hugged or showed emotion. I mean, we knew it was there, but it was never expressed. Still isn't.

Best thing:

Raised us to be very independant and question things. That's helped me a lot in my life.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Mistake: My dad would pressure me to do well in school and if I got like a 98% on a test, he would say "why not 100%?" So when I would get a 100%, he would say "why not 102%?" Then I would get extra credit and get 102% and then it would be "why not 105%?" Nothing was ever good enough...


Best: I always felt like my mom would do literally anything for me and my dad would duel to the death to protect me. I always felt safe.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

wow, this is a great question. I have to think about my answer

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

My parents did a great job raising me (of course, lol)

They stressed education - they didnt go to college and they wanted me to have a better life than them - when my father was dying (i was in HS) he told me he didnt care how much in student loans i had to take - just go to college.

They werent lovey dovey parents - i wasnt hugged or anything - but I knew they loved me. but with my kids im going to hug them more and show more emotion.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Posted by leighla

Mistake:

My parents NEVER said I love you or hugged or showed emotion. I mean, we knew it was there, but it was never expressed. Still isn't.

Best thing:

Raised us to be very independant and question things. That's helped me a lot in my life.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

mistakes
1) way tooo strict. Never went to a movie or party in high school
2) MY mom's very disrespectful. Curse at us like nothing
3) My bro can do anything bc hes a male. I cant do anything bc im a female
4) Never praised me for get all As my whole school career. Would kill me if i got under a 95.
5) My mother is very dry. NEVER has she told me that she loves me, and therefore vice versa
6) Always told i wasnt pretty like the rest of th family bc i have a big nose and no boobs

best
1) i always had a roof over my head and food. My parents worked really hard to make sure we had everything.
2) Always told me family is important no matter how crazy we are therefore I have very close relationships with my cousins

Message edited 10/9/2006 4:44:24 PM.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Best: Always a lot of love. My parents taught us to be thinkers and how to have a great work ethic.

Worst: My father was VERY hard on both of us. Grades, behavior, etc.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Mistakes:

Honestly can't think of anything...


Best Things:

Showed us so much love! We were their #1 priority, they supported us in everything we wanted to do and my sister and I were treated equal with everything.

We went on two vacations per year (or more) as a family and that was always something fun to look forward to!

They weren't strict. They let us go to late movies, have sleepovers, stay out later than most other parents would allow, etc... This made my sister and I very honest about what we were doing. We didn't have to lie about anything b/c my parents had so much trust in us. But, we were also good kids.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

biggest mistake...they never stressed the importance of a college education on us..(they were old school and it wasnt stressed to them)....

Best thing: honestly there are hundreds of things..the love they gave..the fun times we always had..the way they raised me to have independence and self respect..but most of all when I lost my Father at the age of 15 my Mom totally stepped up, never faltered and after being a stay at home mom for many years went back to work and raised us all to adulthood without ever a thought to herself..this is truly the best thing...

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Posted by leighla

Mistake:

My parents NEVER said I love you or hugged or showed emotion. I mean, we knew it was there, but it was never expressed. Still isn't.

Message edited 10/9/2006 4:29:11 PM.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Posted by CaMacho

They weren't strict. They let us go to late movies, have sleepovers, stay out later than most other parents would allow, etc... This made my sister and I very honest about what we were doing. We didn't have to lie about anything b/c my parents had so much trust in us. But, we were also good kids.

Message edited 10/9/2006 4:26:27 PM.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

BEST: Not making us only children.

WORST: Not encouraging their daughters to be physically active and fit while encouraging their son to be the opposite. My two sisters and myself grew up inactive and morbidly obese. As an adult I can assume responsibility for my own actions, but enabling your child to grow up heavy is a parent's problem and responsibility.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Best: My mom always told me that she loved me, gave hugs, etc.

Worst: Being a child of divorce, i think my parents didn't make some of the best choices with that... My Mom would constatly rag on my dad and his new wife (understandable... but probably not the best think to do in front of your 4 year old).

Also, I would spend summers with my Dad, and one summer he had quit his job with no prospect for another... a few months after he had gotten my brother's teacher from day care to quit and watch him at their home... well, my dad didn't want to pay child support while i was down there, in addition to paying for the babysitter to watch my brother whilie he was home, so i had to spend the day upstairs playing in my room, and wasn't allowed downstairs except to get lunch.

So I spent an entire summer doing that.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Message edited 8/1/2007 1:17:38 PM.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Worst parenting mistake: Always making me clean my plate. I know it sounds silly, but it's such a habit, and it's a really hard one to break. I can't tell you how many times I've continued to eat after being full because it's so ingrained in me. And I think it is a factor in my issues with food.

Worst personal mistake: Not addressing their own relationship issues, and not realizing how those would affect their kids.

Best: Two things: Being very strict, which I resented till I became a teacher, and saw what happens to kids who have no boundaries. And with age I realized that their strictness was not to deprive us of fun, but to keep us safe and protected.

Also, giving up opportunities to try lots of things- ballet, different sports, music lessons, scouting, camp. I had great experiences and learned a lot about what I loved to do and what I didn't love to do. They went without a lot so we could have.

Message edited 10/9/2006 4:37:11 PM.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Best- Always, and still do, tell me that they love me all the time.
Worst- my mom with the guilt, my dad with the yelling. Neither of them did it often, but when they did, they could make me feel like the most worthless person in the world.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

biggest mistake: they didn't teach me that people are mean and kindergarten was a shock as mean older kids bullied me. they had taught me to love and be loved...they didnt tell me that people don't always love back and for stupid reasons: the clothes you wear/don't wear, the grade you are in, your first name, your last name, the color of your hair...all the mean things kids do toeach other.


best thing: reminding me of how smart and beautiful i am. even through those rotten and awkward teenage years, i believed it.

Re: What is the biggest mistake...and the best thing

Worst: They let me have TOO much freedom in my decision making. When I decided my 1st semester at Stony Brook to come home and commute to school, they said well it's your decision. I wish they would have said NOPE, stick it out, it will get better. I never got the chance to find that out. I'm sure it would have and my entire college experience would have been different.

Best: We always ate as a family. That was a rule that I plan on enforcing when I have kids. We always sat down at the table, no TV on, and we talked about our day. It was nice.