What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I am wondering, after reading the responses, what most of you consider cheating. Because, many of the women here have stated that they are happy my husband I are seeking counseling to save our marriage but many people listed cheating as grounds for a divorce.

So what is considered cheating to you?

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I stated cheating non-stop. I know there is no excuse for cheating but I know many people that have cheated or have been cheated. They forgave and are still married many years later. It is a very personal choice.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

That's what I am thinking people may mean. I was just curious.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I listed abuse but will answer anyway since I know this question was too close to your heart.

For me to divorce for cheating(Dont tell my husband this....), it would have to be a full blown emotional & physical affair. I'm probably in the minority. I probably would not divorce him if it was a one time thing & I found out. On the other hand, he better make damn sure he had a really good time for the hell I'd put him through. I'm not exactly the forgetting type. To move on, it would take a lot of effort on my part and a lot of patience on his part with dealing with the fall out.

To technically answer your question: Cheating is doing something with/to someone that you don't want to see your spouse doing with someone else.

And I truly am glad you are trying to work things out.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I didn't answer the other post yet but I read through it.

For me cheating would be more than once because I *might* be able to work out one incident...depending on alot. The actual cheating - well, sleeping with someone else, obviously, kissing, etc - there is the physical. Then there is a fine line with the non-physical so it's hard to explain but there definitely doesn't have to be physical cheating in order for me to feel he was being unfaithful.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Thanks for responding. It shows that the cheating/divorce thing is a fine line. I don't think many people realize that. But it is a great topic to bring up and think about among ourselves.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

It really is a fine line and I think every situation is different. I couldn't begin to answer the cheating question because who knows how I'd feel in the situation.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Cheating would for me, NOT be a grounds for divorce. When I married my husband I believed in him 150% that he would NEVER do this, not a doubt in my mind, SO ...if by soem chance he did or what happened to you happened, I would have to believe that there was a reason for it and I would want to get to the bottom of it before getting divorced.

I believe people make mistakes. I believe that not everyone is as stong as the next person and things can happen in a moment of weakness.

Now I dont condone it, not at all. And I would insist on counseling and It would probably take years and years for me to feel ok with what happened or to trust my husband again, but in my mind I took him for better or worse and I would have to at least try to understand why it happened.

Hope maybe that helps to hear a prespective kinda like your own.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I agee that until it happens to you , you just dont know.

I told you I think the story of my friend. Her husband was drunk and kissed his SIL and my friend walked in on them.

She was devestated, but every single one of us, expected her to leave him the next day. She was one who never ever tolerated even an ounce of disrespect and was one of those who said once a cheater, always a cheater.

well they are working it out, and it showed me that I dont know and many dont how they would react no matter what they say before hand, cause obviously the situation dictates the feelings.

I think your very strong and dedicated to try to work it out!!

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Posted by dm24angel

I agee that until it happens to you , you just dont know.

I told you I think the story of my friend. Her husband was drunk and kissed his SIL and my friend walked in on them.

She was devestated, but every single one of us, expected her to leave him the next day. She was one who never ever tolerated even an ounce of disrespect and was one of those who said once a cheater, always a cheater.

well they are working it out, and it showed me that I dont know and many dont how they would react no matter what they say before hand, cause obviously the situation dictates the feelings.

I think your very strong and dedicated to try to work it out!!

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I put "maybe cheating" meaning he had cheated multiple times, I'd walk out without a second thought. If it was once, I wouldn't let my marriage go without at least trying counseling first, even though I know my effort may be half hearted. Before i got married, I was one of the people who said that I wouldn't even try to repair the damage for a cheater.

And more for you.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I didn't answer the other post either, and I honestly can't say that cheating would end the marriage. There are degrees of cheating and some I have more tolerance for than others. Don't get me wrong, I'd be furious and it would take a looooong time to get over it. I don't equate a one time transgression with a long-term relationship or serial cheating; one I could deal with, the other, probably not.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I don't think anyone can definitively answer this kind of question unless the situation was presented to them (as is the case with most "what if" questions). I think that most of us think we may act one way when in reality, we may act another. Every situation and person is unique. Each individual person has to do what is best for him or her, like you are doing in your particular situation. Good luck and I hope the outcome is positive for you, whatever that may be

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Cheating=sex with someone else

YES i would leave

Cheating=kissing/non-sex, i think i would have to bein the situation to know how i would react...can't say for sure

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Ultimately, I think that cheating is doing anything with someone that you wouldn't tell your SO about.


I have a zero tolerance rule for cheating and abuse. DH knows this and understands. I trust him completely and if that trust were ever broken I don't know if I could forgive it.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

cheating=kissing, sex, and any sexual behavior that disrespects his pledge of love to me. He cheats, he's out.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

I completely disagree.

DM, I love ya, but I am not in the same boat of thinking as you.

If my husband were to cheat on me, that would mean that he has ZERO respect for me. A man can control his actions.

I believe in my husband 200%, but if he ever did, I would have to accept that my trust in him was false, and he dosent deserve to be trusted.

Im going to be very graphic here. If your husband cheats on you, is banging some girl, and he dosent give a flying &^&&^ at the time, he obviously dosent give a flying you know what about your marriage, or YOU for that matter.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

And honestly....

Have you considered all the possibilities/scenarios of the cheating?

Not to go all Jerry Springer but what if the DH cheated with a friend? a sister? a relative ?

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post

It all comes down to this....

Women find out their spouses are cheating by instinct, or accident. I would never be able to sleep in the same bed, with a man who could just screw someone else, without being able to control himself.

Obviously, he could get the same good lay from me, as he could from any other woman. Cheating goes deeper than sex. If your husband could easily hop into bed with someone, he may love you, but he isnt in love with you. A man in love with his wife, loves his wife only. A man who only loves his wife, can be capable of cheating. Big difference.

Re: What would make you get a divorce? -Aliasmom's post