Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

So my parents were visiting my brother and SIL this past long weekend (now they are on the second leg of their vacation to another state).

While they were down there, my mother had coffee with SIL's mother and somehow SIL mom expressed how upset she is that SIL's brother is gay.

I know that many of us here think of ourselves as openminded and pro-gay marriage but has anyone thought of how you would feel if you own child was gay?

Do you think you would be upset and in denial? Would you beat yourself up and wonder if it was something you did? Or would you embrace the difference and welcome a partner if you child found one?

Message edited 9/5/2006 11:41:53 AM.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I am not a parent but I could not imagine turning my back (ie: not supporting, disowning) on my child b/c they are gay. I certainly wouldn't question myself - thinking it was something me or my husband did to "turn them gay" since I don't believe it's a learned behavior.

A part of me would feel sad about the life they will be living - a life filled with homophobe's and ignorant people - but I hope I would be able to give my child enough strangth to overcome those obstacles.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I think it is hard to have a gay child. I think it is very difficult to deal with the fact that you will never have the things you thought you would have when bringing up your child - your child gettting married, having kids, etc. Its not that these things can't still happen (well the marriage can't right now), but if your child is gay its very different than if your child is in a heterosexual relationship.

I do not think I would wonder if it was something I did, I believe it has nothing to do with that, its all genetic.

I do think I would have a hard time realizing that certain things would not be the way I had thought they would be. But I would definitely still love my child and his or her partner, and be supportive of any choices he or she made.

Message edited 9/5/2006 11:49:02 AM.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I would love him or her and support the child regardless.....I was brought up to embrace differences. Especially having a sister who is "different."

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

if my daughter told me she was a lesbian, I would still love her and support her decisions no matter what.
that's what a mother does, loves them unconditionally.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

My cousin very recently came out of the closet. He is still loved by his family. No one would ever turn away from him because of that. What I think we are all sad about is the fact that he had alot of secrets and went through alot of bad times because he felt he could never confide in anyone.

I know that my aunt and uncle are sad ONLY because they know that he would make a great dad someday and want him to have a family. The first day my uncle found out - he said that he was worried because for the rest of his life my cousin would have to constantly be defending himself. No parent wants to see a child go through that - and in that aspect that must be so hard.

My cousin has a wonderful boyfriend who we have all grown to love. I am happy because I see how truly happy he is now.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I am a parent of a little baby. I cannot imagine her doing anything that would cause me to turn my back on her.

If she grows up and is gay, I would accept it. I would feel sad that her life would be filled with more obstacles than straight people, but I would love and support her through it all. I would want the same things for her if she was gay as if she was straight- I would hope she would find a nice companion and live a happy, healthy life and make me a grandmother someday in the far far into the future...

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

OMG, did anybody read "The Perks of Being A Wallflower"

This issue came up in that book. The young boy was beaten by his father when his father found him with his "boyfriend".

I don't know how anybody could do that. The person is still your child. I think I would be able to accept it.

I think I have some family that would be hard on them but we'd work through it.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I honestly believe that I would be fine with my child being gay. It's not exactly ideal, because I know they would have some tough issues to deal with along the way, but I would be accepting of it and any relationship that would come of it. I think my DH would initially have a hard time accepting it. But I know he would get over it fairly quick. He has an openly gay uncle, so it's not like he's a homophobe.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

Oh yeah, in response to my own question: I think I would want to encourage my child to embrace his/her homosexuality. I would help him/her find groups where gays are accepted and embraced.

My mom's cousin is gay and the whole family treats him like anybody else.

I guess I am kind of blown away by SIL's mother making it seem like a great tragedy.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

Ya know, its weird cause I never really think about if my children were gay... I guess I just assume they wouldnt be... which I know is naive... just the way I think. However, if they were... and I'm gonna be COMPLETELY honest here... I think for some reason I would feel better if the boy was gay, and not the girl.... I dont know why... for some reason I am just more comfortable with the idea of a male gay couple...
ETA- I would never turn my back on any of my children... no matter what... I was just saying what I think I would be more "comfortable" with. And no, I dont think I would blame myself or DH... personally to me its just something that you are born with... not something that he or I caused...

Message edited 9/5/2006 12:17:16 PM.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I have an uncle who is gay and he is a wonderful person...He Tells me all the time that he has a hard life and he always says "do you think I would choose to live like this"...My Whole family supports him...with The exception of my aunt who treats him like he has a handicap.
I don't have any children yet, but I would not be upset if they were gay...i Would support my children no matter what, as long as they were happy and safe. I hope that one day people will realize that gays are just like everyone else and they deserve the respect and equality like all of us take advantage of.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I would love and support my child whether they were gay or straight.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I feel very strongly about this. I would NEVER turn my back on my child if he/she was gay. My grandmother disowned my uncle once she found out he was gay and he is messsed up bc of this....she told him "if i knew u were goin to be gay i wouldn't have had you"...yea my grandmother is sycho...

I dont understand how ppl can turn their backs on their children just for being gay

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

It's so weird how you just posted this because this just happened in my own family. My brother just "came out of the closet" last week. While we all kinda knew it already, it made it real for us when he told us.
I, as his sister, accept him whole-heartedly. We are extremely close (though I am 9 years older than him) and he considers me to be his best friend. It was not easy for him to tell me...he was afraid I wouldn't allow him to see my sons anymore (and he is the Godfather of one). I told him I would NEVER even consider that and I love him...and everything about him.
My whole family has been very supportive...except my parents. They love their son and would never shun him...but they don't "condone" the lifestyle and are hurt by it. This is very new for them and I think in time, they will learn to accept it. They would never do anything to push their child away. It's a very hard situation and while we all could say, "I would never...", unless you are IN the situation, it's very hard to predict how you would really react.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

i would be sad and i would be upset and i would probably need some time to understand it. i do not deny that it would be difficult for me to adjust to, but i would accept it.

i would also be supoortive and kind and welcome my child and their partner into my home with warmth. I wound never put my relationship with my child in jeopardy.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I don't having a gay child would affect me the slightest. Just think of how it is now. When you know someone is gay it is no longer taboo, it is totally the norm. Come a few years from now, when we have kids, I don't think anyone would even blink an eye.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I would love my child regardless. I don't care what their sexual orientation is. They'll always be my little baby.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I think it would not bother me at all. I would hope that by next generation that most of society will be more accepting, and to me it looks like ti is already happening to some extent (thank you Queer Eye & Project Runway).

ETA: DH on the other hand would not be...he was raised in a VERY catholic homo-phobic environment. I tried to get him to come & hang out with me & my friends at a local gay club & he HATED it. And it is not like everyone was all orgy or hitting all over him, he just did not feel comfortable around the affection.

Message edited 9/5/2006 1:37:31 PM.

Re: Sort of parenting but not really: thoughts on having a gay child.

I am not a parent, however I know I would love my child no matter what. My cousin was gay (I say was because he died about 8 years back in a car accident) and we all knew. He didnt bring anyone to family functions-but we all knew. (I was only a child) Everyone loved him just the same.

I am sure it was not easy for my aunt and uncle at first, but they always stood by his side!