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Kelly
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 681 total posts
Name:
This is it
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Serious Question
I went to a party for a member of my husbands family over the weekend.
Let's just say there were a lot of young 'kids' (guys, and girls between the ages of 16 and 20, I'm guessing.) Of the good amount of kids that were there I think maybe two of them had a parent there.
There were bottles of wine and soda on all the tables. Maybe I'm naive, but I was shocked to see them on the 'kids' table. Not only that, but the 'kids' were drinking said wine and I saw no effort on the part of the host of the party or anyone else for that matter to make the kids stop or trying to keep tabs on who was or was not driving.
I felt terrible about this and have agonized over it over the weekend.
What was my position here? Should I have said something to the manager? The host?
What would you have said/done?
Is it too late to address the issue?
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Posted 11/14/05 4:49 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Serious Question
That would have made me really uncomfortable as well!
But I'm not sure what the proper course of action should be.
Where was the party? at a restaurant or a house?
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| Posted 11/14/05 4:52 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Serious Question
I overheard my BIL tell his 16 yr old daughter that it was OK if she had a beer or some wine. I was pretty surprised.
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| Posted 11/14/05 4:56 PM |
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Kelly
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 681 total posts
Name:
This is it
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Re: Serious Question
It was in a restaurant.
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| Posted 11/14/05 6:50 PM |
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Re: Serious Question
That is pretty disturbing.
I would not have said anything, because I am a wimp. But if it could have been done in a subtle way to the restaurant manager, that would have been the way to go, IMO. Since don't they bear partial responsibility for serving minors? I think it was very irresponsible on the part of the parents and the management.
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| Posted 11/14/05 7:08 PM |
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WoodIAm
My Boys!
Member since 5/05 5498 total posts
Name:
JoAnne
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Re: Serious Question
Wow, I'm surprised a restaurant would not be more careful, let alone the parents! That puts all of the adults in a really awkward position. I would have been really uncomfortable too. I am also a wimp and probably wouldn't have said anything, but I would have made DH mention it quietly to the manger.
Message edited 11/14/2005 7:16:31 PM.
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| Posted 11/14/05 7:14 PM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by MrsProfessor
That is pretty disturbing.
I would not have said anything, because I am a wimp. But if it could have been done in a subtle way to the restaurant manager, that would have been the way to go, IMO. Since don't they bear partial responsibility for serving minors? I think it was very irresponsible on the part of the parents and the management.
I agree
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| Posted 11/14/05 7:15 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Serious Question
what restaurant was this?!
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| Posted 11/14/05 7:15 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by MrsProfessor
That is pretty disturbing.
I would not have said anything, because I am a wimp. But if it could have been done in a subtle way to the restaurant manager, that would have been the way to go, IMO. Since don't they bear partial responsibility for serving minors? I think it was very irresponsible on the part of the parents and the management.
IMO the restaurant bears ALL responisbility for the distribution of alcohol.
Should the parents have done something to stop their CHILDREN..........YES
But IMO ultimately who consumes alcohol is the restaurants responisibilty
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| Posted 11/14/05 9:12 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Serious Question
I agree with Jenn (Red). I think that the restaurant should be responsible and when the party was planned the hosts shouldve told the resaurant "NO Alcohol" at this table, that table..etc.
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| Posted 11/14/05 9:16 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Serious Question
i think that the parents should have been watching the kids, or just have not had the restaurant put the alcohol on the tables.
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| Posted 11/14/05 9:18 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Serious Question
i agree..the parents should be watching and monitoring but i think legally it is the restaurants responsibility
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| Posted 11/14/05 9:22 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by Redhead
i agree..the parents should be watching and monitoring but i think legally it is the restaurants responsibility
While it's legally the restaurants responsibility, as a parent I can say that it's 100% my job to make sure my kids are behaving.
I would've have told the manager - DH on the other hand probably would've been the one to help them pour the wine - so maybe I am a party pooper after all.
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| Posted 11/14/05 9:26 PM |
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Jennifer
Happy
Member since 5/05 4230 total posts
Name:
.
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Re: Serious Question
I feel for you. For DH's birthday, we had it at the house. He gave his sister and her friend alcohol. Even though their mother was there and had no problem, I did not feel comfortable. We had a huge fight over it.
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| Posted 11/14/05 11:20 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by Jennifer
I feel for you. For DH's birthday, we had it at the house. He gave his sister and her friend alcohol. Even though their mother was there and had no problem, I did not feel comfortable. We had a huge fight over it.
well i agree with you
that was the DUMBEST MOVE EVER
was the friends mother there?
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| Posted 11/14/05 11:23 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Serious Question
i have to say though, working in a restaurant... a man was in with his son and the son was obviously underage.... the server refused to serve teh son even though the father was trying to convince him to.. well you know what, the father went right up to the bar, ordered a drink and gave it to his son!
some ppl have such nerve.
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| Posted 11/15/05 12:26 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Serious Question
I would be very uncomfortable- but I honestly don't know what I woudl say. I know i would want to say something to the parents, but I don't know if I would have the balls.
Maybe tell the manager so if anything is going to discipline them, it would be an outside person who will not see the family again.
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| Posted 11/15/05 9:38 AM |
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Kelly
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 681 total posts
Name:
This is it
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Re: Serious Question
Not all of the 'kids' who were there had a parent there---just the family member whose party it was and maybe two of her friends' parents were there.
I just think the parents of said family member should have been more policing.
I would almost bet my life that all guests had to drive there.
It really bothered me. It still does.
I feel guilty for not saying anything. But would it have been my fault had something happened???
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| Posted 11/15/05 9:44 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by Kelly
Not all of the 'kids' who were there had a parent there---just the family member whose party it was and maybe two of her friends' parents were there.
I just think the parents of said family member should have been more policing.
I would almost bet my life that all guests had to drive there.
It really bothered me. It still does.
I feel guilty for not saying anything. But would it have been my fault had something happened???
i have to disagree....it isn't up to the party throwers to be policing their guests and what they do
If you go to a restaurant to cater an affair...it is their responisbilty
Did you watch what everyone did at your wedding every moment?
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| Posted 11/15/05 9:48 AM |
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unknown1
****
Member since 5/05 2771 total posts
Name:
lisa
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by Kelly
Not all of the 'kids' who were there had a parent there---just the family member whose party it was and maybe two of her friends' parents were there.
I just think the parents of said family member should have been more policing.
I would almost bet my life that all guests had to drive there.
It really bothered me. It still does.
I feel guilty for not saying anything. But would it have been my fault had something happened???
NO I wouldn't say you would be responsible but next time say something if it makes you uncomfortable ..I mean it may cause some waves but as long as you are true to your convictions I don't see why you shouldn't say something!
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| Posted 11/15/05 9:49 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Serious Question
That is a terrible and uncomfortable situation. It is selfish of the party throwers to do that to the restuarant as well as to guests such as yourself.
I hate it when I would wait on a party, and the host would put me on the spot. If they are the type to give minors alcohol, then they are just as quick the type to take it out on the server's tip if they are denied the illegal request. A lot of the times, it someone is waiting on a party, that might be there only table of the night, so everything rides on making this table happy.
I don't know what I would have done if I were you. I would be frustrated, but mainly at the host. 
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| Posted 11/15/05 9:56 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by Janice
That is a terrible and uncomfortable situation. It is selfish of the party throwers to do that to the restuarant as well as to guests such as yourself.
I hate it when I would wait on a party, and the host would put me on the spot. If they are the type to give minors alcohol, then they are just as quick the type to take it out on the server's tip if they are denied the illegal request. A lot of the times, it someone is waiting on a party, that might be there only table of the night, so everything rides on making this table happy.
I don't know what I would have done if I were you. I would be frustrated, but mainly at the host.
EH.......how is that selfish 
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| Posted 11/15/05 9:56 AM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by Janice
That is a terrible and uncomfortable situation. It is selfish of the party throwers to do that to the restuarant as well as to guests such as yourself.
I hate it when I would wait on a party, and the host would put me on the spot. If they are the type to give minors alcohol, then they are just as quick the type to take it out on the server's tip if they are denied the illegal request. A lot of the times, it someone is waiting on a party, that might be there only table of the night, so everything rides on making this table happy.
I don't know what I would have done if I were you. I would be frustrated, but mainly at the host.
what the heck does the server's tips have to do with minors having access to alcoholic beverages, and the parent/restaurant lack of responsibility????? don't see how this is relevant to the OP question?
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| Posted 11/15/05 10:00 AM |
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Kelly
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 681 total posts
Name:
This is it
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by Redhead
i have to disagree....it isn't up to the party throwers to be policing their guests and what they do
If you go to a restaurant to cater an affair...it is their responisbilty
Did you watch what everyone did at your wedding every moment?
Well, when it's a small party where you know there are going to be teenagers, I think at the very least, the host could have made sure that wine was not put on the kids table.
I understand that if kids want to drink they'll find a way to do it. But in this case, I do feel like the host had some responsibility here.
While I didn't actually do any policing at my own wedding, I did make arrangements ahead of time for MANY of my guests to get home. But that's just me. And there weren't many minors at my wedding. In that case, I certainly would have expected the catering hall to use discretion when serving those who looked like teenagers. PLUS, any teenagers that were there, also had their parents there, so therefore I feel two-times removed from responsiblity should anything bad have happened. (Not of course that I wouldn't have felt guilty.)
Sigh.
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| Posted 11/15/05 10:01 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Serious Question
Posted by Kelly
What was my position here? Should I have said something to the manager? The host?
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a breakdown..IMO, I would not have said a word to the manager, they are put in a tough situation.
the host was wrong..I don't know if I would have said something, but if I were to speak up, it would be to the host.
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| Posted 11/15/05 10:03 AM |
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