I really need some hugs

No one ever told me how hard it was going to be to juggle my career and mommyhood. It's hard doing a good job when I'm working on 3-4 hours of sleep, and it's even harder to be a working mom when we have absolutely no family to help us out when Alex gets sick, which is like every other week. I thought I was doing an "ok" job of juggling everything but the last month was really hard with Alex coming down with RSV, and at the same time the work was just piling on at the office. I guess I wasn't handling it so well because the attorney I work for most of the time just asked to speak to me in private and asked what was going on. He said for the last 2 months my work has been "uncharacteristically sloppy" and he's concerned. I'm so embarassed - I've always been such a perfectionist at work and give 150% of myself, but now, with Alex, it's just impossible... so now, I feel like a failure on both fronts - not so good at mommyhood because I'm working like a dog, and not so good on the career front because I can't concentrate because I'm always so tired or drained I tried to explain the situation to him, and had to promise that things will improve... in the meantime, I want to just crawl under my desk

Re: I really need some hugs

I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch. I know at times we all feel like we are crappy moms, at least I sure do and I'm not juggling work too. Babies are a full time job alone, and I'm sure you are doing a great job.

I hope you feel better soon!

Re: I really need some hugs

Message edited 2/8/2007 11:15:30 AM.

Re: I really need some hugs

I honestly have no idea how you do it. My hat is off to all working moms. The only way I could do it is if I had a live in housekeeper/nanny.
I am sure you are doing your best but maybe your best is a little different now because you have so much on your plate.
I hope things settle down for you soon.

Re: I really need some hugs

Just want to send HUGS your way! I'm sorry you feel like a failure, but you are absolutely NOT - it's tough doing this mommy/working thing and no one understands except another mommy in the same situation! I feel for you!

Re: I really need some hugs

I'm in the same boat as you... It's hard!!!!!

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I give you a lot of credit! Its hard, I hope everything works out.

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You are not a failure. I feel the same way most of the time. I to have no family to help and my work is definately suffering. Its so hard especially when the baby gets sick. I hope Alex feels better and you do too!

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Re: I really need some hugs

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I am sorry you are going through this, I am not looking foward to going back to work!

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I am sorry you are going through this right now. I went through a similar situation with my first son, it was very difficult. I know I wasn't giving 100% to either situation. Unfortunately, at the time I had to s u c k it up and do the best I could. I wanted to give 150% to both, but it's just so hard. You are sleep deprived and when they are sick it is even worse because you don't know what to do and you want to be there for them. At the same time, your job requires you to be there daily. I know how hard this can be.
Just know that you are not alone and it will get better, but it will take time.

Message edited 2/21/2006 11:49:28 AM.

Re: I really need some hugs

Oh, I know how you feel completely. None of my "working mom" friends seem to have any issues, while I feel sometimes like I'm crumbling. I often describe myself as giving 65% to every area of my life, when I'm used to giving 100%! I love my job, but come in unprepared several times a week and I don't even care...I hate that I've turned into that.

I wish I had advice for you, but remember that even though some (OK, a lot) of moms don't talk about it, you're not alone!! I hope you feel better soon!

Re: I really need some hugs

Beth Motherhood in itself is such a demanding career - on top of that you're an ATTORNEY! I can't keep it together just being a mother and cleaning my house! You MUST give yourself every ounce of credit for doing what you do. It is stressful and even more so when you don't have help. Can you cut back some hours? I have no idea how you're even functioning on the little sleep these kids are giving us...You have to think of you too...It might be hard on Alex and hard on your boss but most of all it's hardest on you. Trying to spread yourself too thin isn't good for anyone...Would they allow you any more leave time? Maybe just another month or so?

Re: I really need some hugs

You are totally NOT a failure!! I wonder myself how i am going to handle working again next month. Granted it is only going to be 2 days a week but still, motherhood itself is a more than full time job. I'm sure things will get better with time, just hang in there sweetie!!!

Re: I really need some hugs

No advice, but I am going through the same thing. I'm hoping it's just something that gets easier with time.

Good luck with everything!

Re: I really need some hugs

Posted by jcndd

Beth Motherhood in itself is such a demanding career - on top of that you're an ATTORNEY! I can't keep it together just being a mother and cleaning my house! You MUST give yourself every ounce of credit for doing what you do. It is stressful and even more so when you don't have help. Can you cut back some hours? I have no idea how you're even functioning on the little sleep these kids are giving us...You have to think of you too...It might be hard on Alex and hard on your boss but most of all it's hardest on you. Trying to spread yourself too thin isn't good for anyone...Would they allow you any more leave time? Maybe just another month or so?

Re: I really need some hugs

I am also having a really hard time juggling work, school and motherhood. I find myself doing the stupidest things at work -- like last week I was written up becuase I accidentally scheduled a field trip (which they approved like 2 months ago btw) on a day when we had staff developers coming in to do workshops with us. I constantly forget to call my students' parents and forget when I've scheduled meetings with them during work -- and now that I'm back going to classes for master's it is even worth.

I ask myself on a daily basis how the heck I am going to get through it all and I just want to give up, but I know that I ahve to do it now more then ever so I can support my family.

I hope it gets easier for you and if you ever want to vent I am here.
-Melissa

Re: I really need some hugs

Being a mommy is the toughest job in the world. Your pulling yourself in 20 different directions and its catching up with you. Once your little girl gets better you'll be back in the swing of things. I hope your boss understands what your going through at home.

Re: I really need some hugs

I got back part-time on MOnday and fullt-ime in APril. I dont; know how I am going to do it. I hope you feel better!

Re: I really need some hugs

Beth you are not alone. I am on vacation this week and I was so looking forward to spending quality time with my DH and daughter but I have found that I am so drained I can barely function and now that she is teething I just can't get enough sleep to get back to normal. I was hysterical last night at 2am telling DH that I can't do this anymore. I can't handle the pressures of both and that I feel like I am an awful mother and an awful teacher. I have always had an amazing reputation in my district and I feel awful that I can't give 1000% to my kids anymore. But to be honest they know the situation and understand. I can't be at all the functions like I used to and such.

I think we, as women, have been raised that we can have it all. Well you know what 'ALL' is coming at a price of our health and sanity. Do not beat yourself up like I was last night. You are only human and you can only do so much. You are show Alex that woman can have successful careers and be a mom. Yes it sux not being able to give a 150% to her but you are doing your best and that is more than some can say.

The one thing that I have found that is helping me is lists of everything I need to do and a HUGE calendar on my desk. One color I write in for parent meetings, staff development and such and the other color is for personal appointments; doctors and such.



Just know that you are not alone in how you feel.

Re: I really need some hugs

Thanks everyone... it helps to know I'm not the first woman to struggle with this. Why can't someone write a book called "Juggling a career and mommyhood for dummies?"

Re: I really need some hugs

This is a hard thing...I know. I try to juggle so much and at the end I feel like everyone got 40% because I am torn into a million places. My focuses is all over the place somedays. I have laundry staring at me, work staring at me and I just want to take care of Molly and make dinner for my husband. There is no way anyone gets the real Michele anymore...because she is split into too many pieces.

Have you considered taking a brief break from your career, since you can afford it? NOT a long term break but maybe just a few months so you can sort the RSV stuff all out? or maybe looking for a position that is part-time so you can juggle a bit less?

Re: I really need some hugs

Posted by Bxgell2

Thanks everyone... it helps to know I'm not the first woman to struggle with this. Why can't someone write a book called "Juggling a career and mommyhood for dummies?"

Re: I really need some hugs

Message edited 2/8/2007 11:15:46 AM.