This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

I'd like input from everyone, from couples who are TTC, from couples who are not TTC, from couples who are parents now.

How do you plan to balance raising a family and having a career or how are you balancing everything now?

I want to have kids, but I enjoy my career too. The perfect balance would be to work part-time, but I don't think I can do that with the position I am in now.

But I also don't want to work full time and send my child to daycare 5 days a week?

Plus, a big part for our situation is my husband is self-employed, so we use my health benefits which are very good.

So, how do you do it all? HOw are you balancing everything? For those of you who have kids what did you learn and how did you do it and what did you end up giving up if anything?

edited for my bad spelling

Message edited 1/11/2006 8:46:39 PM.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

ahhhhhhh tara..i have been there.
This was a HUGE concern of mine.
I talked with my mom about it and she wants to watch my child for about 3 days out of the work week. And the other two i will have to use daycare.

There is no other solution for us at this point

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Message edited 1/11/2006 8:42:25 PM.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

honestly that is the only person i trust my child with.
Without her i would be back to square one...
what about Phils parents?
Or do you know anyone who does daycare?

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

I will work part time in the beginning. We will decide how that works out and move on from there. I could not stay at home 100% percent of the time, I would lose my mind, but I also dont want to be a full tiem working mom. BUT I dont have kids yet so we are more or less seeing how it goes once we do and will make deicisions from there.

I would need to work P/t as we probably cant afford for me to stay home all the time, but I would always want to do something once my kids were school aged.

My BF is a SAHM to 3 kids and she is always depressed she has nothing for her, and wishes she would have worked P/T. She hasnt worked in 8 years and now she doesnt know what she could do. Once you stop working, your choices when going back are limited.

Its a HARD decision to make, the balance, but I think once it happens , it works itself out as you adjust to a new family life...

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

We are currently TTC and I feel the same way as you...part time would be perfect!! Unfortunately I don't think my company would let me do that either. I don't have any family where I live and I couldn't afford not to work...so my decision was made for me....child care. It's definitely NOT our preference, but we want a child so it's a sacrafice we will have to make.

Message edited 1/11/2006 8:49:46 PM.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Message edited 1/11/2006 8:56:12 PM.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

yea i do...
But for me...i have no choice.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

when we found we were pregnant, we definitely were nowhere prepared financially or emotionally, me at least.
so a few months before she was born, we agreed that I would stay with her for at least a year. that's what we did, it was very hard money wise living with one income and unfortunately once she was a little bit older after being with her for a year, I had to go back to work.
at first my grandma took care of her but then she is older and sick so we had to find someone else.
We are very happy with her babysitter, who also takes care of two other little girls in her home and who my mom knew before.
that worried me for days, becvuse I wanted to be completely comfortable but most importantly that my little one was as well.
I work from 6 to 2 pm, so it works great in that sense.
I think that once you get to that point, things will eventually come into place, is not easy the ideal would have been to be with her until she started school but life is not easy so you do what you need to do.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

I don't know what we are going to do now. Initially I felt comfortable with our planned arrangement- DH is a college professor and had a great schedule- 3 days a week on campus, and then he worked on research at home. It would have been good because he would have been a p/t SAHD. I have better benefits anyway.

But he didn't get tenure and it is more likely that he will end up back in the private sector. I doubt we will have enough $$ with one salary, even though the private sector will pay more, for me to be home full time and I don't think there are p/t jobs with the Department of Ed. Even if I got something up here, it would be full time. Our kid(s) will be in day care full time. We don't have any family up here.

If I wasn't 34 already, we could wait but I don't want to do that either. It's the proverbial rock and a hard place.

Message edited 1/11/2006 9:09:24 PM.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

we are moving to NC, I am going to work up until the baby comes, then SAH. I don't see myself going back to work when the kids are in school either. I feel like that is the time to cook and clean, kids come home, do homework, go to sports, DH comes home and spend the night with him, then go to bed.

I think if I worked, I know for me personally, there would not be enough hours in the day for what I want to do with my family and for my family. We would not be able to do this though unless we moved.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Tara,
I've thought a lot about this too. I don't know where we will be living whenever we do have kids, but the daycare where we work now is among the best on Long Island. After having seen it, I honestly don't know if there is a clear answer about what is better for children--having one on one with a SAHM, or having that early socialization. Someone in my office has his daughter in there and she was taught sign language before a year old! Since it is university run, it is well monitored and for infants I think it is 3 infants for each adult, which is a great ratio. I don't know what we'll do..I'd love to stay home for at least a few months...My job I could never do part time, but a situation like D has who works with you would be ideal.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

I have been TTC also. There is a lot of thinking to do.
I think my "solution" would be, keep my PT night job and be home during the day with my child. If I have to work something like 4-8, I think my mother would be willing to take the baby until my dh gets home and can pick the baby up or my mother can come here until dh gets home, we'd have to work around her schedule.
My mother helps my sister out now and I know I can trust her. She also has a flexible schedule which helps out a lot.
Ive talked to dh about this, and I think this is what we may do. I would LOVE to stay home, but, don't think we'd "make" it.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

I wish someone would tell me! No, really, I'm an attorney, and I have a new baby (4 months) and I'll tell you, it's the hardest thing in the world. There are days when I drop her off at daycare and drive to work and I start crying in my car and it takes every bit of strength not to turn around and go pick her up. But, I know myself, I'm not cut out to be a SAHM - I absolutely LOVE my career and I've worked so hard for it, but it's definitely not the "optimal" career choice for raising a family. Thankfully I work at a small firm with very flexible hours so most days I'm there only from 9-5pm and at least once a week I work from home. We searched and searched and searched to find a daycare that we would be comfortable with (we have no family in the area). Although it's hard leaving Alex, I know she's in good hands, and I'll tell you, there's nothing like working a productive day helping people, and then coming to daycare at 5pm to pick up my daughter and getting the most beautiful, big gummy grin! And when I come home, I spend about 4 very, very quality filled hours with Alex. I remember while I was on maternity leave taking care of her, most of the day I just felt like a caretaker and I was just so exhausted that I couldn't give her my all. But when I come home from work, I'm so excited to see her and I spend those 4 hours just doting on her. And, now I have so much to look forward to on the weekends and spend literally every waking moment with her... that's how I do it.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

Posted by Bxgell2

I wish someone would tell me! No, really, I'm an attorney, and I have a new baby (4 months) and I'll tell you, it's the hardest thing in the world. There are days when I drop her off at daycare and drive to work and I start crying in my car and it takes every bit of strength not to turn around and go pick her up. But, I know myself, I'm not cut out to be a SAHM - I absolutely LOVE my career and I've worked so hard for it, but it's definitely not the "optimal" career choice for raising a family. Thankfully I work at a small firm with very flexible hours so most days I'm there only from 9-5pm and at least once a week I work from home. We searched and searched and searched to find a daycare that we would be comfortable with (we have no family in the area). Although it's hard leaving Alex, I know she's in good hands, and I'll tell you, there's nothing like working a productive day helping people, and then coming to daycare at 5pm to pick up my daughter and getting the most beautiful, big gummy grin! And when I come home, I spend about 4 very, very quality filled hours with Alex. I remember while I was on maternity leave taking care of her, most of the day I just felt like a caretaker and I was just so exhausted that I couldn't give her my all. But when I come home from work, I'm so excited to see her and I spend those 4 hours just doting on her. And, now I have so much to look forward to on the weekends and spend literally every waking moment with her... that's how I do it.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

you can definitely make it work, I have 3 kids, I work p/t at a Hospital and have my own private practice where I see 5 patients on Thurs evenings ( and at times do phone sessions if needed). My husband is self employed so my health benefits are very important, plus if he doesn't work he has no income!
I think part time is the perfect balance, I have plenty of time with the kids and plenty of time for my career. When the kids start wearing me down it's time to go back to work, and when the job starts stressing me, I have the next day off with the kids, it's great!
My mom or my hubby watch the kids when I work so it is perfect, I really wouldn't have it any other way, I just don't trust anyone out there with my kids.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

It is the hardest thing to figure out and I don't think you can fully figure it out until you are in the situation.

I always said I would be able to balance both and would make it work and am finding it very, very difficult. I work a full-time job and part time is not an option in my career choice/level. I also work in the city and so does DH and our hours can be long and on top of it we have a long enough commute so day care is not an option for nor do we have family to babysit full time.

My work was very helpful in allowing me to work from home 2 days a week which has been great. But I have no one to watch the baby on those days and I am finding I can't work from home and babysit as he gets older and need to figure that out. But even with that - things have suffered. I have dealt with child care issues causing my professional life to suffer. I deal with the guilt of not giving my 100% to work or home or baby and not knowing what the right decision is to make.

I wish I had a career that was more family friendly but it is not the case. I have a few choices right now - SAHM or live in nanny (unles I found that job mystically that was pt and still felt rewarding to me). I am 100% ok with either idea so I have some hard decisions to make.

Re: This should be on the Parenting Board, BUT

um deb?