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Melbernai
I am a lucky Momma!
Member since 7/05 15652 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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1st b-day party dilema...long
Emily's 1st birthday is rapidly approaching and I have yet to book anything or really do any planning because I don't know how we are going to pay for it.
We went through this with her Christening just 2 months ago. Finally decided to have a small BBQ in my FIL's backyard and only invite immediate family (there were about 18 people there) because it was better late and small then never at all.
However, I really wanted to do something more for her 1st birthday since we didn't do the Christening. I wanted to have it at a restaurant, invite extended family (would be around 60 people for the people that would actually go, more like 80 for the total guest list) but I just don't think we can afford it. We have been tapping into our savings ever month to pay the bills, and the little bit we have left we are going to need to pay for this and next semester's college tuition so I can finish my Master's before my Provisional Certificate runs out.
At my sister's house yesterday we were discussing this and my sister's friend said we should in NO WAY skip the big party for her birthday. She said we didn't do it for her Christening so we HAVE to do it for her birthday party. I told her I just don't know how, and she said we'll have to find a way. That my daughter deserves a bank account from the gift money and deserves a big party.
I just don't know what to do. It is true that Emily doens't have a bank account--we've only recieved $110 for her so far and 75 of that is in savings bonds so we've just held onto the other money. I'd love for her to have a party, for the other reasons too, for everyone to see her and celebrate her life and her first year, but I just don't think we can swing it.
Sorry this is so long. It has just been bothering me so bad since yesterday when I had this conversation.
 Melissa
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Posted 8/22/06 11:30 AM  |
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curley999
Family!
Member since 5/05 2314 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Dont buy into the whole big party thing if you cant afford it right now. It really is not necessary and Emily will have no idea what she missed. Honestly at any point in your life did you feel the need to know if you had a big 1st birthday party? would it matter? I say have a special day with her, and cake with your family and in a few years when things are better financially you can always put some extra $$$ in her account!..... Dont feel guilty at all! 
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| Posted 8/22/06 11:36 AM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Posted by curley999
Dont buy into the whole big party thing if you cant afford it right now. It really is not necessary and Emily will have no idea what she missed. Honestly at any point in your life did you feel the need to know if you had a big 1st birthday party? would it matter? I say have a special day with her, and cake with your family and in a few years when things are better financially you can always put some extra $$$ in her account!..... Dont feel guilty at all!
I agree 100%.
I know you want to do this for Emily, but the stress of paying for it, isn't worth it.
's
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| Posted 8/22/06 11:40 AM |
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smiles
Life is good!
Member since 2/06 1450 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Posted by curley999
Dont buy into the whole big party thing if you cant afford it right now. It really is not necessary and Emily will have no idea what she missed. Honestly at any point in your life did you feel the need to know if you had a big 1st birthday party? would it matter? I say have a special day with her, and cake with your family and in a few years when things are better financially you can always put some extra $$$ in her account!..... Dont feel guilty at all!
I agree with this. We had a huge party and while it was fun/exhausting for us she had no idea what was going on. Save your money, have dinner and cake with immediate family and start planning a huge 2nd b-day for her. She will actually enjoy that party and know what is going on. DO NOT feel bad. The parties at this age are more for the parents than the kids.
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| Posted 8/22/06 11:41 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
What Emily deserves is parents that aren't stressed about money. You have a new apartment, you have college to pay for (a huge investment in my book). She doesn't need a big party. In fact, she won't even know she had/didn't have a big party. Scrapping together every last dime to throw your daughter a big party will only cause you & your husband more stress.
I dont' agree with someone telling you what you need to do unless they're planning on financing it for you.
While we all want large savings accounts for our kids, she's not going to get it for her 1st birthday. Many people give gifts on birthdays. Most of the parties we've thrown were a wash or a loss financially. If we wanted a bigger bank account rather than a party, we would've been better off putting that money in savings.
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| Posted 8/22/06 11:46 AM |
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my3bugs
Mom of 2 Boys
Member since 5/05 4381 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I don't think a huge 1st birthday party is necessary at all. I really think saving is more important here. You can have a great birthday party with friends and family in backyard or living room for that matter. Cute cake and hats and lots of pictures and lots of love is all she will need!!!!!
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| Posted 8/22/06 11:47 AM |
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Nancy
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 906 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Personally, I don't know why big first b-day parties or baptism parties are pushed on people. It's become so competitive and one of those things that is taboo not to do. Well, neither of my kids had a big Christening or 1st b-day (I'm just planning pizza and cake for Gianni's 1st b-day.) We still had a wonderful time and it wasn't stressful in the fact of planning or worrying about affording it.
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| Posted 8/22/06 11:53 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Emily has everything in the world she needs right now, so why stress yourselves to oblivion about a party she will never remember? Do you remember your first birthday party? If you didn't have one, do you resent it? Probably not. Like everyone says, the first party is more for the parents than anyone else, and you two obviously don't need one to celebrate what good parents you are... so don't let anyone bully you into something you can't muster right now
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| Posted 8/22/06 11:54 AM |
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CunningOne
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Member since 5/05 26975 total posts
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I absolutely agree with everyone above who said don't buy into it. We did not do big 1st birthday parties or Baptism's for either. Just a hero and a cake or a small BBQ at our house with just immediate family. That was my brothers and sisters and our parents, that's it, no uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. We really had a wonderful time and they will never know as they get older.
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| Posted 8/22/06 12:00 PM |
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pooh12
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 317 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I agree, I wouldnt get yourself stressed or feel pressured into doing something if you cant really afford it right now. There will be many many more birthdays to celebrate with everyone.
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| Posted 8/22/06 12:11 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I agree with all the other posters. I cannot believe how crazy its getting nowadays and the pressure to have all these parties.
We had a very small christening for our DD because I didnt want her to have to deal with a crowd of people while she was so young. I am going to do the same for her 1st birthday....I feel that its her birthday so she should enjoy it. I have been to way too many parties where the emphasis is not on the child but the adults and in my opinion that is just wrong.
Dont lose sight of what is about...and dont bow down to pressure...your friend needs a swift kick in the behind for adding to your pressure.
My sister just had a first birthday party for her son and it was small and we all had a great day as did he....she got to spend it with her son and was not running around organising it and agonising over how to pay for it later....
You are great parents and at the end of the day you two are the only ones emily will really want to see on her big day.
Good luck with your decision.
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| Posted 8/22/06 12:32 PM |
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mommy2bella
Where does time go?
Member since 12/05 9747 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Melissa...
I had the same issue as you...spending over a thousand dollars on a party just wasn't what we could do for her b-day since we did have a bigger party for her christening (gotta love tax checks)
My dad would easily and willingly let us have a party in his fiance's backyard, but it's in Connecticut and we aren't sure if everyone would make the trek.
We are doing a small immediate family gathering at a restaurant with 27-30 people (yes that's just immediate family)
and I know we'll have a good time no matter what we do.
Honestly, her actual b-day will be just me, her, and DH (well, I am SURE Aunt Kristi will be there) and that is the moment I am looking most forward to!
Isabella and Emily are turning 1!!! Let's enjoy and be miserable about that!
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| Posted 8/22/06 12:33 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Posted by Nancy
Personally, I don't know why big first b-day parties or baptism parties are pushed on people. It's become so competitive and one of those things that is taboo not to do. Well, neither of my kids had a big Christening or 1st b-day (I'm just planning pizza and cake for Gianni's 1st b-day.) We still had a wonderful time and it wasn't stressful in the fact of planning or worrying about affording it.
I agree.... We didn't have a big party for Nate. We just couldn't afford it at the time. We had ILs, DH's sister and our closest friends (maybe 15 people) over for pizza and cake. We had a great time.
Even if we did have the money, probably wouldn't have gone all out. I would rather spend big bucks on a party that he'll remember.
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| Posted 8/22/06 12:42 PM |
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pugmama
April already?
Member since 3/06 5297 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I agree with the others. Dont do the party. You do not need the stress of this. The money you would spend can be spent much better other ways.
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| Posted 8/22/06 12:59 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Posted by nrthshgrl
What Emily deserves is parents that aren't stressed about money. You have a new apartment, you have college to pay for (a huge investment in my book). She doesn't need a big party. In fact, she won't even know she had/didn't have a big party. Scrapping together every last dime to throw your daughter a big party will only cause you & your husband more stress.
I dont' agree with someone telling you what you need to do unless they're planning on financing it for you.
While we all want large savings accounts for our kids, she's not going to get it for her 1st birthday. Many people give gifts on birthdays. Most of the parties we've thrown were a wash or a loss financially. If we wanted a bigger bank account rather than a party, we would've been better off putting that money in savings.
Couldn't have said it better. Don't feel bad at all
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| Posted 8/22/06 1:07 PM |
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dee7772
My Loves
Member since 5/05 4852 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Posted by nrthshgrl
What Emily deserves is parents that aren't stressed about money. You have a new apartment, you have college to pay for (a huge investment in my book). She doesn't need a big party. In fact, she won't even know she had/didn't have a big party. Scrapping together every last dime to throw your daughter a big party will only cause you & your husband more stress.
I dont' agree with someone telling you what you need to do unless they're planning on financing it for you.
While we all want large savings accounts for our kids, she's not going to get it for her 1st birthday. Many people give gifts on birthdays. Most of the parties we've thrown were a wash or a loss financially. If we wanted a bigger bank account rather than a party, we would've been better off putting that money in savings.
I totall agree with what Barbara said.
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| Posted 8/22/06 1:12 PM |
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JennasMom
?**?
Member since 11/05 3463 total posts
Name:
does it matter
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Posted by dee7772
Posted by nrthshgrl
What Emily deserves is parents that aren't stressed about money. You have a new apartment, you have college to pay for (a huge investment in my book). She doesn't need a big party. In fact, she won't even know she had/didn't have a big party. Scrapping together every last dime to throw your daughter a big party will only cause you & your husband more stress.
I dont' agree with someone telling you what you need to do unless they're planning on financing it for you.
While we all want large savings accounts for our kids, she's not going to get it for her 1st birthday. Many people give gifts on birthdays. Most of the parties we've thrown were a wash or a loss financially. If we wanted a bigger bank account rather than a party, we would've been better off putting that money in savings.
I totall agree with what Barbara said.
I think Barbara said it best, nothing could beat spending the day with your daughter
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| Posted 8/22/06 1:21 PM |
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MatteosMom
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1494 total posts
Name:
Carolyn
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
The parties at that age are more for the adults than the b-day girl or boy. And it's great if you can do it, and fun for everyone! BUT, do not stress over it. Even if you invite some close friends or family over for cake....those close to you will want to give your daughter a gift regardless of whether you throw a big party or not. And you don't need that added worry on you. If you talked to your close friends or family, they may even offer to make something and bring it over that day. Then everyone can get together and it won't cost an arm and a leg!!
Loving parents is all she needs. She won't remember a huge, elaborate party now anyway! Save up for her Sweet 16.  Yikes!
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| Posted 8/22/06 1:36 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Posted by nrthshgrl
What Emily deserves is parents that aren't stressed about money. You have a new apartment, you have college to pay for (a huge investment in my book). She doesn't need a big party. In fact, she won't even know she had/didn't have a big party. Scrapping together every last dime to throw your daughter a big party will only cause you & your husband more stress.
I dont' agree with someone telling you what you need to do unless they're planning on financing it for you.
While we all want large savings accounts for our kids, she's not going to get it for her 1st birthday. Many people give gifts on birthdays. Most of the parties we've thrown were a wash or a loss financially. If we wanted a bigger bank account rather than a party, we would've been better off putting that money in savings.
As usual, I agree with Barbara.
She's not even going to remember it. The money is much better served going to a million other things.
JMHO but the whole first b-day party extravaganza (pony rides, petty zoo, photographers, limos) is completely out of control.
I vote for simple BBQ in the back-yard.
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| Posted 8/22/06 1:47 PM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
Posted by Melbernai
At my sister's house yesterday we were discussing this and my sister's friend said we should in NO WAY skip the big party for her birthday. She said we didn't do it for her Christening so we HAVE to do it for her birthday party. I told her I just don't know how, and she said we'll have to find a way. That my daughter deserves a bank account from the gift money and deserves a big party.
Don't buy into that BS. Personally, I would not put myself into debt for a party that your DD will never remember. Also, in my experience, most people give her toys, not money.
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| Posted 8/22/06 2:03 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
First I have to say I think it is so wrong of someone to make you feel bad and say that you HAVE to have a huge first birthday party because you don't and her reasoning is just absurd!!! (IMO). What's the point of you and DH going into hock and struggling to pay bills so that you can gets gift money (if you even get it) and save it for Emily. She will be much better off to have a mom and dad that are less stressed than having to worry about how they're going to pay for a party that isn't a necessity.
Just like weddings the huge birthday parties are really a regional thing. Here in CO we have not been inivted to one, not a single one. We just went to a friends 3rd birthday and it was hamburger, hot dogs and cake. That's it. Everyone had a great time. No fancy entertainment, no gourmet food spreads. The kids ran around and played and jumped on the trampoline. Why was it so simple? Because that was what his parents could afford and honestly that's what they did.
You and your DH are super parents and make great decisions for Emily and her future. Don't let somone pressure you into thinking you have to have a party that she won't remember. Sure you want to, there's nothing wrong with that but I think a small family party is fine and might even be less overwhelming for her.
Honestly if we weren't moving into a new house and doing a birthday/open house Miranda's first birthday would be a smaller affair.
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| Posted 8/22/06 2:03 PM |
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I think you are better off saving your money and just doing the samething you did for her christening and then for her 5th birthday maybe do something big and at that age she will remember and enjoy it more. Do what you can afford and don't feel pressured to what other people do. I really wanted to do a small christening but DH insisted on a larger one and its been a headache!
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| Posted 8/22/06 2:26 PM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I agree with what everyone else has already said too. After all, the purpose for having a party isn't to "build the bank account". That is such a self-centered, immature and mercinary (sp?) remark. Do what makes you and DH comfortable.
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| Posted 8/22/06 2:40 PM |
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jenny
L O V E
Member since 4/06 2784 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I agree w/ most of the posters about NOT throwing a big bash. A lot of people give toys/clothes and you can't exactly specify on the invite that cash is preferred.
I would plan a small party w/ close family and enjoy the day and the milestone.
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| Posted 8/22/06 4:41 PM |
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Dani00518
Gorgeous
Member since 5/05 2730 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: 1st b-day party dilema...long
I agree with the others....It isn't necessary to have a big party because she won't remember. For Ava's B.day we are just going out to dinner with my parents and Dh's parents.....it will probably be 10 of us in total. We never really did anything big for her christening either. We plan have to have a bif party when she gets a little older and can remember.
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| Posted 8/22/06 5:47 PM |
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