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Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

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june262004
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Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

This couple got pregnant and then went from Nebraska to Kansas to get married. Why you ask goto Kansas cause in Kansas you can get married at 12 with parent permission. He's 22 she's 14. This article below is old. In people they have them holding their baby. Their daughter was born August 24th.


Marriage in Kansas leads to charges in Nebraska

Staff and Wire Reports


LINCOLN, Neb. — A 22-year-old man who legally married a 14-year-old girl in Kansas after she became pregnant has been criminally charged in Nebraska for having sex with her.

Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning said Matthew Koso of Falls City began a sexual relationship with the girl when she was 13. After she became pregnant, her mother gave permission in May for Koso to take their daughter to Kansas, which allows minors to get married with parental consent.

“The idea … is repugnant to me,” Bruning said.

Koso was charged Monday with first-degree sexual assault, punishable by up to 50 years in prison. He was released on a $7,500 bond. A preliminary hearing is Aug. 17 in Richardson County Court.

“Kansas has this ridiculous state law,” Bruning said. “Of course the marriage is valid … but it doesn’t matter.

“I’m not going to stand by while a grown man … has a relationship with a 13-year-old — now 14-year old — girl.”

Bruning said the girl is seven months pregnant.

She and Koso were married May 3 after getting a marriage license in Hiawatha, Kan., just across the Nebraska border.

Kansas law has no minimum age for marriage, though state judges through case law have set the minimum age at 14 for boys and 12 for girls. Anyone younger than 18 must have consent from a parent or judge.

Nebraska, by comparison, sets the minimum marriage age at 17. In Missouri it is 15, though state statute allows judges to waive the restriction in “unusual conditions.”

Kansas Attorney General Phill Kline has said it is a priority to investigate and prosecute child predators and statutory sexual assault. But his spokesman, Whitney Watson, said Tuesday there is little Kline can do in the face of the state law.

“It would take legislative action to change the law,” Watson said.

Sen. John Vratil, a Leawood Republican and chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, said it would not be technically difficult to change the law to insert a minimum age.

“If there’s a will to do it, it’s not very difficult to fix,” he said.

The Hiawatha incident may be the nudge the Legislature needed, he said.

Koso’s attorney, Willis Yoesel, said the girl’s mother and Koso’s parents approved of the marriage.

Yoesel said he has written Bruning, saying the prosecution is unwarranted.

“My question to the attorney general’s office was very simple: Why?” he said. “It’s kind of an unfortunate situation.”

He said the couple is “trying to make the best of a bad situation.”

“The families are all united in this effort. I don’t know who is complaining,” Yoesel said. “What their objective is in this, I don’t know. What benefit is there to anybody in the prosecution of this young man?”


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First glance

¦ Matthew Koso, 22, of Falls City, Neb., who married the 14-year-old on May 3 in Hiawatha, Kan., was charged Monday in Nebraska with first-degree sexual assault.

¦ Kansas law has no minimum age for marriage, though state judges have set it at 14 for boys and 12 for girls.





I think if they are in love and have parent permission then its no one elses business! However my mother WOULD NEVER let me do it.

Message edited 9/5/2005 10:42:25 AM.

Posted 9/5/05 10:40 AM
 
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MrsProfessor
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

That's a huge age difference and I find it a bit disturbing.

But at least she's not his cousin. Or sister.

Posted 9/5/05 10:51 AM
 

june262004
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by MrsProfessor

That's a huge age difference and I find it a bit disturbing.

But at least she's not his cousin. Or sister.



LOL this is True

Posted 9/5/05 10:53 AM
 

VirginiaDeb
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Deb

Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Is it creepy? Yes, it is. It's like a friend of mine marrying my 14 year old sister. Chat Icon

But, the way I look at it, is it better to have the father and mother married, both raising the child, and the father hopefully being able to support it, or is it better for the father to be in jail, leaving a 14 year old alone to raise the child.

In this case, I think as long as neither parent is abusive, and they are happy, that it is in the baby's best interest for the father to stay out of jail.

Posted 9/5/05 10:54 AM
 

june262004
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by VirginiaDeb

Is it creepy? Yes, it is. It's like a friend of mine marrying my 14 year old sister. Chat Icon

But, the way I look at it, is it better to have the father and mother married, both raising the child, and the father hopefully being able to support it, or is it better for the father to be in jail, leaving a 14 year old alone to raise the child.

In this case, I think as long as neither parent is abusive, and they are happy, that it is in the baby's best interest for the father to stay out of jail.



Exactly! Not to mention that the father has a job and the mother cant. Maybe another reason why they got married is for healthcare

Posted 9/5/05 10:57 AM
 

Jax430
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

I certainly don't approve of it and I don't believe that a 12 (now 14) year old is psychologically mature enough to possibly know who she wants to be with for the rest of her life. I have no faith that this marriage will last very long. I think that in a few years, the girl will wake up and realize that she has lost a good chunk of her childhood, and begin to resent her husband for it.

However, since the child's parents gave their consent and it is a legal marriage, I agree that it is better to have the two parents home and raising the baby rather than the father being in jail.

Posted 9/5/05 11:00 AM
 

MrsProfessor
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

How good of a mother will this 14 year old be, I wonder? I am sure she will love her baby, but knowing how to be a parent is another thing.

In my work I have met many people who were teenage parents. I meet parents of students who are younger than I am and became parents as teens. And with many of them, I can tell they love their child more than anything but they don't know how to parent them. Or if they have their kids in line, it may be because they use physical violence. Not to the point where it's abuse, but still.

Not saying that this is the case with all parents; but the reality is, love isn't enough. Being a parent is a skill you have to learn.

Posted 9/5/05 11:38 AM
 

june262004
But I love the Snow!

Member since 5/05

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Kristin

Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by MrsProfessor

How good of a mother will this 14 year old be, I wonder? I am sure she will love her baby, but knowing how to be a parent is another thing.

In my work I have met many people who were teenage parents. I meet parents of students who are younger than I am and became parents as teens. And with many of them, I can tell they love their child more than anything but they don't know how to parent them. Or if they have their kids in line, it may be because they use physical violence. Not to the point where it's abuse, but still.

Not saying that this is the case with all parents; but the reality is, love isn't enough. Being a parent is a skill you have to learn.



What makes being 14 or 24 or 34
any different its never easy no matter how old you are. YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO LEARN!

she might not be mature enough but im sure she will be growing up REAL FAST. I just dont think anyone could say casue shes 14 shes will be a bad mother cause she doesnt know how to be a mother. Do any first time mothers now how to be a mother?

Posted 9/5/05 11:48 AM
 

MrsProfessor
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by june262004

What makes being 14 or 24 or 34
any different its never easy no matter how old you are. YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO LEARN!

she might not be mature enough but im sure she will be growing up REAL FAST. I just dont think anyone could say casue shes 14 shes will be a bad mother cause she doesnt know how to be a mother. Do any first time mothers now how to be a mother?



All the first time mothers I know have read books on parenting and had the maturity to do what had to be done. I just don't think it's that simple that she'll have this baby and automatically be mature enough to handle the job. It seems that lots of teenage parents end up becoming grandparents at early ages too.

Not saying that she'll be a bad parent; I am saying that the odds are stacked high against anyone who becomes a parent as a teen. Some do make it and succeed, but too many don't.

Posted 9/5/05 11:54 AM
 

VirginiaDeb
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Deb

Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

I don't know that age matters when it comes to being a good parent.

Would an older parent have more life experience in order to be able to raise a child? Yes, probably, but it's not neccarily the case.

I know one couple who had their little boy at 19 - the fathe is an AWSOME father, the mother, while she loves her son, is not a good mother at all.

I know a woman who had her son at about 29, wasn't a good mother then, and 25 years and 2 additional kids later STILL isn't a good mother.

However, I have a friend who is 23 now, has 3 kids (started at 18) who is a great mother to her children.

Now, I don't know this girl at all, and from my experience with 14 year olds (my sister and all her friends) she probably isn't ready for kids, but that doesn't mean that she won't learn.

And I hope to god that for this child's sake, that her and her husband will be able to raise this child well.

Posted 9/5/05 11:56 AM
 

AJsMommy122
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by Jax430

I certainly don't approve of it and I don't believe that a 12 (now 14) year old is psychologically mature enough to possibly know who she wants to be with for the rest of her life. I have no faith that this marriage will last very long. I think that in a few years, the girl will wake up and realize that she has lost a good chunk of her childhood, and begin to resent her husband for it.

However, since the child's parents gave their consent and it is a legal marriage, I agree that it is better to have the two parents home and raising the baby rather than the father being in jail.



My mil was engaged to my fil when she was 14 or 15 and he was 23. They are now STILL happily married 34 years later with 3 children and a grandchild.
I don't think thats really fair to say unless you know the person.
If they are happy and in love and her parents consented to it. It is NO ONE elses business.
How many people get married MUCH older then that and their marriages dont last?!?!
How many adults get married and get annuled days, weeks, and months later??

Posted 9/5/05 1:03 PM
 

Jax430
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Jackie

Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by AJsMommy122

Posted by Jax430

I certainly don't approve of it and I don't believe that a 12 (now 14) year old is psychologically mature enough to possibly know who she wants to be with for the rest of her life. I have no faith that this marriage will last very long. I think that in a few years, the girl will wake up and realize that she has lost a good chunk of her childhood, and begin to resent her husband for it.

However, since the child's parents gave their consent and it is a legal marriage, I agree that it is better to have the two parents home and raising the baby rather than the father being in jail.



My mil was engaged to my fil when she was 14 or 15 and he was 23. They are now STILL happily married 34 years later with 3 children and a grandchild.
I don't think thats really fair to say unless you know the person.
If they are happy and in love and her parents consented to it. It is NO ONE elses business.
How many people get married MUCH older then that and their marriages dont last?!?!
How many adults get married and get annuled days, weeks, and months later??




I'm not saying that it's impossible for it to work, but I still think that it is very unlikely. Speaking from a psychological and developmental viewpoint, a 12 year old is not usually mature enough to make such a huge life decision.

You are right though, plenty of marriages between people who are much older do not work. Age certainly isn't the only factor, but I think that being married at such a young age may be a risk factor.

Posted 9/5/05 1:21 PM
 

MrsProfessor
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by AJsMommy122

Posted by Jax430

I certainly don't approve of it and I don't believe that a 12 (now 14) year old is psychologically mature enough to possibly know who she wants to be with for the rest of her life. I have no faith that this marriage will last very long. I think that in a few years, the girl will wake up and realize that she has lost a good chunk of her childhood, and begin to resent her husband for it.

However, since the child's parents gave their consent and it is a legal marriage, I agree that it is better to have the two parents home and raising the baby rather than the father being in jail.



My mil was engaged to my fil when she was 14 or 15 and he was 23. They are now STILL happily married 34 years later with 3 children and a grandchild.
I don't think thats really fair to say unless you know the person.
If they are happy and in love and her parents consented to it. It is NO ONE elses business.
How many people get married MUCH older then that and their marriages dont last?!?!
How many adults get married and get annuled days, weeks, and months later??




I still agree with Jackie, and while it's great that your ILs have had a long lasting marriage, it IS rare AND the world has changed a lot. My mom was married at 20, and while that's not a teenager, it's still young. But in the 60s, a lot of doors were not open to girls and women. The opportunities that exist now didn't then. My great-grandma had to fight with my great-grandfather to let my mom attend a one year nursing program. He saw no reason why a woman needed to be educated since her main role was to be wife and mother. And my grandfather was a wonderful man, he was also a product of his times, as we all are.

This girl, like all teen mothers, could have an enormous amount of potenial but her chances of reaching it will be dramatically decreased.

And issues like this should be our business- what happens if/when this family can't support itself? The taxpayers will step in.

Posted 9/5/05 1:24 PM
 

suvenR
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

I think if they and their families are fine with it, the gov't has no right to get involved.

And, one of my friend's mother's who lived in Lousianna got married when she was 15.

Posted 9/5/05 1:29 PM
 

BaroqueMama
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

To all the people who see nothing wrong with the situation, how would you feel if it was YOUR 14 yr. old daughter who was pregnant with some older man's baby? Would you want your own daughter married and pregnant at 14? I'm sorry, but I do NOT thing a 14 yr. old is emotionally mature enough to be married with a baby. I don't care what anyone says. At 14, kids still need to be PARENTED. Seriously, think of a 14 yr. old you know. I work with kids this age every day, and I just think it's wrong.

Posted 9/5/05 1:40 PM
 

june262004
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by prncssrachel

To all the people who see nothing wrong with the situation, how would you feel if it was YOUR 14 yr. old daughter who was pregnant with some older man's baby? Would you want your own daughter married and pregnant at 14? I'm sorry, but I do NOT thing a 14 yr. old is emotionally mature enough to be married with a baby. I don't care what anyone says. At 14, kids still need to be PARENTED. Seriously, think of a 14 yr. old you know. I work with kids this age every day, and I just think it's wrong.




ya but Rach it happened? You cant turn back time.

Posted 9/5/05 1:49 PM
 

AJsMommy122
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by prncssrachel

To all the people who see nothing wrong with the situation, how would you feel if it was YOUR 14 yr. old daughter who was pregnant with some older man's baby? Would you want your own daughter married and pregnant at 14? I'm sorry, but I do NOT thing a 14 yr. old is emotionally mature enough to be married with a baby. I don't care what anyone says. At 14, kids still need to be PARENTED. Seriously, think of a 14 yr. old you know. I work with kids this age every day, and I just think it's wrong.



Its not that I see nothing wrong with the situation.. I see it as NOBODYS BUSINESS but her's and her family.
How would I feel if it was my 14 year old daughter? I would flip out. BUT I am not this girl's mother and this girl's mother CONSENTED to the marriage. Who are we to judge???

Posted 9/5/05 1:50 PM
 

june262004
But I love the Snow!

Member since 5/05

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Kristin

Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by AJsMommy122

Posted by prncssrachel

To all the people who see nothing wrong with the situation, how would you feel if it was YOUR 14 yr. old daughter who was pregnant with some older man's baby? Would you want your own daughter married and pregnant at 14? I'm sorry, but I do NOT thing a 14 yr. old is emotionally mature enough to be married with a baby. I don't care what anyone says. At 14, kids still need to be PARENTED. Seriously, think of a 14 yr. old you know. I work with kids this age every day, and I just think it's wrong.



Its not that I see nothing wrong with the situation.. I see it as NOBODYS BUSINESS but her's and her family.
How would I feel if it was my 14 year old daughter? I would flip out. BUT I am not this girl's mother and this girl's mother CONSENTED to the marriage. Who are we to judge???



The girls mother also had a restraining order on the guy. Forbid her to see him. She went and saw him anyway. And when the mother found out she was pregnant changed her tune and thought it would be best they be together for the baby. Thats what im saying.

Growing up my mother made it pretty known she would support us if we got pregnant (or my got someone pregnant) but she would NOT be happy.

Posted 9/5/05 2:04 PM
 

BaroqueMama
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by june262004




ya but Rach it happened? You cant turn back time.



I'm just saying if it were MY child, this would not be happening. And for anyone who says, who are we to judge? Well, we do it everyday for a million different things. It's not human nature to NOT judge. I can accept that about myself.

Posted 9/5/05 2:39 PM
 

june262004
But I love the Snow!

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Kristin

Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by prncssrachel

Posted by june262004




ya but Rach it happened? You cant turn back time.



I'm just saying if it were MY child, this would not be happening. And for anyone who says, who are we to judge? Well, we do it everyday for a million different things. It's not human nature to NOT judge. I can accept that about myself.



what that she wouldnt be pregnant?

Posted 9/5/05 2:41 PM
 

Jesaroo
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

its not a big age difference... BUT she is only 14 which is sad......
BUT... it happens.
14 yr old girls everywhere get pregnant.
the difference i see wiht these two is that at least he didnt ditch her.
they obviously love each other, so who am i to say differently?
will it last? who knows.
i dont really see the point of People covering this story.



i saw a couple on tv that the boy was 14 and the WOMAN was in her 40s. they got married... now THAT is sickening!

Message edited 9/5/2005 2:44:48 PM.

Posted 9/5/05 2:42 PM
 

BaroqueMama
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by june262004

Posted by prncssrachel

Posted by june262004




ya but Rach it happened? You cant turn back time.



I'm just saying if it were MY child, this would not be happening. And for anyone who says, who are we to judge? Well, we do it everyday for a million different things. It's not human nature to NOT judge. I can accept that about myself.



what that she wouldnt be pregnant?




No, obviously, I cannot keep an eye on my child at all hours of the day. I can teach her to the best of my ability to NOT have sex and if she does to make sure she has protection. And if she did, by some horrible happening, end up pregnant, she sure as HELL would not be MARRIED. Sorry. This just annoys me. I'm sure it happens more often than just this one time that was reported, but I think it's WRONG for a 14 yr. old to have a baby and be married. It's sick and I don't see how this is any different than pedophilia.

Posted 9/5/05 2:47 PM
 

AJsMommy122
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by prncssrachel


And if she did, by some horrible happening, end up pregnant, she sure as HELL would not be MARRIED. Sorry. This just annoys me. I'm sure it happens more often than just this one time that was reported, but I think it's WRONG for a 14 yr. old to have a baby and be married. It's sick and I don't see how this is any different than pedophilia.




I am sure many of you will disagree with this but there is A LOT worse things that could happen IMO then getting pregnant.
I wasn't much older then that when I became pregnant with my son and it was the BEST thing that could have ever happened to me.

Posted 9/5/05 2:51 PM
 

BaroqueMama
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Ok, let me add to this. No 14 yr. old should be having sex. This hits home particularly for me because, as some of you know, a member of my family who was molested became sexually active at the age of 13 and ran off with a 22 yr. old cab driver. Although she did not get pregnant, thank god, they "claimed" to be inlove. And as far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as LOVE between a child and a grown adult. It's sick, and illegal and immoral.

Posted 9/5/05 2:51 PM
 

MissJones
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Re: Discussion: i read this in People magazine!

Posted by june262004

Posted by AJsMommy122

Posted by prncssrachel

To all the people who see nothing wrong with the situation, how would you feel if it was YOUR 14 yr. old daughter who was pregnant with some older man's baby? Would you want your own daughter married and pregnant at 14? I'm sorry, but I do NOT thing a 14 yr. old is emotionally mature enough to be married with a baby. I don't care what anyone says. At 14, kids still need to be PARENTED. Seriously, think of a 14 yr. old you know. I work with kids this age every day, and I just think it's wrong.



Its not that I see nothing wrong with the situation.. I see it as NOBODYS BUSINESS but her's and her family.
How would I feel if it was my 14 year old daughter? I would flip out. BUT I am not this girl's mother and this girl's mother CONSENTED to the marriage. Who are we to judge???




Okay, my two cents cause I HAVE to speak on this.Chat Icon First of all, they made it our business by allowing the article to be done. By consenting, they are giving us permission to discuss this. So we are.

Secondly, Lolita, I have to disagree with you a bit. There is a fairly large age difference. As people get older, age differences subside a bit. But at that age, the difference is big. DH is 5 years older than me. We met when I was 23 and he was 28. No problem. I was a working woman and very responsible. But had we met when when I was 14 and he was 19, uh uh. No way would my mom be cool with that. Nor would I be cool with my daughter dating someone that much older while she was that young.

Lastly, marriage is hard for people in their 20's and thirties. Parenting is hard for people in their 20's and thirties. I was a very responsible person at 14. Maybe a bit too responsible. But at that age, NO WAY IN HELL WAS I READY TO BE A PARENT!!!!!!!!!!! Nor was I ready to be a wife. There is so much disillusionment at that age.

I wish them all the luck in the world. And if they were my kids, I'd have no choice but to be supportive of them. However, it doesn't mean that I won't frown upon it. There is little chance of their situation turning out to be great. JMO.

Posted 9/5/05 2:53 PM
 
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