Re: Need advice

Posted by worriedmrs

I just paid $14.95 for the reverse phone search but so far nothing has come up. I know it is a woman because in his phone it is listed as a woman's name (that I have never heard of before). I called it and hung up twice today. A woman answered. I also found her email address in his nightstand and a different slip of paper with hotel names written on it.

I also asked him for specifics two nights ago about what I can do to make it better and he said nothing. We want different things and that's it. I explained that I would give up what I wanted (the big $$$ house that we now have on small piece of land) to get what he wants: more travel, $ in the bank, smaller house... but he keeps saying "it's more than this one thing. it's everything".

Thank you everyone for your support. I am considering doing the P.I. route but want to wait a little... but it is eating me alive.

Re: Need advice

and hun....

i really do not think you should be giving up all of your wants and needs to satisfy his. This is supposed to be a marriage.
I just wouldn't be bowing down to his whims just to hold onto a marriage.

Marriage is about compromise. Working together to fulfill BOTH of your dreams...NOT JUST HIS.

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I just wanted you to know we are all here to listen and give "hugs". I am so sorry you are going through this

Re: Need advice

Posted by worriedmrs

Posted by Redhead

Can you go on his email account and read his emails?

what is with these hotel room things?

do you see the dates?
was he out of town?
Was it for business?

sorry i think enough is enough now

it is time for you and him to have a chat that includes answersnot vague BS

I don't know his email password. I have tried to guess it and been unsuccessful. The hotel rooms don't have dates - they were just names "holiday inn, comfort inn" written on a random piece of paper. He typically doesn't travel for work but he did one time a couple of months ago...

I know what you're saying about the vague BS. He also keeps throwing in my face a lot of things from the past that have "pushed him to be this miserable" (for example - the big wedding we had vs the tropical vacation wedding he wanted; the honeymoon we took because I wanted to go there vs where he wanted to go; decisions he made about jobs because of me and our life together vs what would have made him truly happy)...

I also found out via one of the search engines posted that the phone number of the woman is her "land line", i.e. he is calling her after he gets out of work at 11:15pm at HER HOME. (his normal work schedule is 3pm - 11pm).

Re: Need advice

I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I can only imagine how you're feeling. You really have to find the courage to confront your husband with what you've found. IMO, calling the woman and speaking with her may only make matters worse right now.

I hope you know that you've done nothing wrong here. Don't allow him to make this about you, when, at the very least, he has an "emotional" attachment to another woman given the phone records.

You deserve the truth and you will get through this, no matter what the outcome. We're here for you.

Re: Need advice

I have no better advice than whats already been given, just hugs for you.

Re: Need advice

i agree that i would NOT let this go. get evidence before confronting him so that he can not twist things around and end up confusing you. i would even take it a step further and see where he goes after work. yes, snaeaky but you NEED to know the truth.

he is blaming you so that he feels his actions are justified. DO NOT give into him. YOU are the victim, NOT him. how DARE he.

Message edited 8/19/2006 10:13:09 PM.

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Does he work close enough for you to check things out? Is he in an area that you would go unseen?

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[


could you trade cars with a friend and stake him out?

or even rent one? it's dark out when he is done working right?


I may do this one night next week... it is dark out when he is working...


do you know someone who knows the city well? b/c maybe it would be better if you didn't go alone-

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Message edited 8/19/2006 10:17:50 PM.

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I'd definitely be suspicious. Even if it turns out to be nothing, it's better to be sure and know the truth than to keep wondering whether he's being honest with you. I hope everything works out.

Re: Need advice

I hope you find peace w/this situation real soon

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OK. I'm going to have to disagree with the ladies who suggested staking him out or following him. It just doesn't seem like a good idea.

Is he not coming home from work at his usual time? Do you think he's lying about working overtime (can you check his paystub?).

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I don't think you need evidence. You have it already. You know what is going on. I think when you're ready to admit it to yourself & confront him, then you'll do it. You can make up rationalizations or agree with his excuses, but your instincts says he's cheating.

I think it's over the top to stake him out. I don't think it's over the top to look into his credit card statements, withdrawals from bank accounts if you can get your hands on them. Above all protect your own interests. Don't be ready to give away $ & house you've accumulated or are entitled to. Wait until you see how he acts & what he comes up with in terms of compromise.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time.

Re: Need advice

I feel so sorry and sad for you. I cant imagine what your going through and I hope the support here is helping ease some of this for you.

Do you have any close friends you can confide in?
That know him?
That can help figure this out rationally with you?

I really think your stronger then ME. I would have confronted him with everything by now.

I also hate the tone in the posts that you seem to think this is your fault or how hard you want to work on it , versus him not respecting you.

I do believe you have found proof that something is going on as tough as that is to swallow .

Will getting more proof make it easier to confront him with it? Will you be able to confront him regardless? Cause its a scary thing.

You know hes gonna freak out and try to lie and twist the tables. You have to be really strong.

Message edited 8/19/2006 11:20:11 PM.

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Okay I am trying to put myself in your situation to think what I would do.....first off, there is no point in finding out who this woman is or calling this woman. If there is another woman, thats all you need to know. I dont care who it is, he is your husband and he shouldnt be with another woman besides you no matter what misery you supposedly caused him.

Its not fair for you to live like this. Maybe you did do something wrong but I am sure that its not 100% your fault - hes not Mr. Perfect is he?

He is your husband. You need to lock the door, unplug the phones, and sit down with him seriously. He really should have enough respect to give you at least that.

Good luck!

Re: Need advice

Posted by dm24angel

I feel so sorry and sad for you. I cant imagine what your going through and I hope the support here is helping ease some of this for you.

Do you have any close friends you can confide in?
That know him?
That can help figure this out rationally with you?

I really think your stronger then ME. I would have confronted him with everything by now.

I also hate the tone in the posts that you seem to think this is your fault or how hard you want to work on it , versus him not respecting you.

I do believe you have found proof that something is going on as tough as that is to swallow .

Will getting more proof make it easier to confront him with it? Will you be able to confront him regardless? Cause its a scary thing.

You know hes gonna freak out and try to lie and twist the tables. You have to be really strong.

Re: Need advice

Posted by worriedmrs

Posted by dm24angel

I feel so sorry and sad for you. I cant imagine what your going through and I hope the support here is helping ease some of this for you.

Do you have any close friends you can confide in?
That know him?
That can help figure this out rationally with you?

I really think your stronger then ME. I would have confronted him with everything by now.

I also hate the tone in the posts that you seem to think this is your fault or how hard you want to work on it , versus him not respecting you.

I do believe you have found proof that something is going on as tough as that is to swallow .

Will getting more proof make it easier to confront him with it? Will you be able to confront him regardless? Cause its a scary thing.

You know hes gonna freak out and try to lie and twist the tables. You have to be really strong.

Yes, I think getting more proof will make it easier to confront him. He just called to say that he will be working late AGAIN tonight.

Part of me wants to jump in the car right now but the other part of me doesn't want to know.

Thanks so much for all of your support.

Re: Need advice

Posted by DebG

Posted by worriedmrs

Posted by dm24angel

I feel so sorry and sad for you. I cant imagine what your going through and I hope the support here is helping ease some of this for you.

Do you have any close friends you can confide in?
That know him?
That can help figure this out rationally with you?

I really think your stronger then ME. I would have confronted him with everything by now.

I also hate the tone in the posts that you seem to think this is your fault or how hard you want to work on it , versus him not respecting you.

I do believe you have found proof that something is going on as tough as that is to swallow .

Will getting more proof make it easier to confront him with it? Will you be able to confront him regardless? Cause its a scary thing.

You know hes gonna freak out and try to lie and twist the tables. You have to be really strong.

Yes, I think getting more proof will make it easier to confront him. He just called to say that he will be working late AGAIN tonight.

Part of me wants to jump in the car right now but the other part of me doesn't want to know.

Thanks so much for all of your support.

What if you jump in the car and pick up ice cream and bring it to him at work.
If he is there than you would have done something cute for him and if he is not there then you will have further proof that you can confront him with in an innoncent kind of way....like "i thought it would be nice to bring you ice cream cause you have been working soo hard but you weren't there when I got there??"

Re: Need advice

Best of luck if you do this! I will be thinking of you and sending you vibes for the best possible outcome

Regardless, we are here for you if/when you need it.
GOOD LUCK!

Re: Need advice

Posted by worriedmrs

I just paid $14.95 for the reverse phone search but so far nothing has come up. I know it is a woman because in his phone it is listed as a woman's name (that I have never heard of before). I called it and hung up twice today. A woman answered. I also found her email address in his nightstand and a different slip of paper with hotel names written on it.

I also asked him for specifics two nights ago about what I can do to make it better and he said nothing. We want different things and that's it. I explained that I would give up what I wanted (the big $$$ house that we now have on small piece of property) to get what he wants: more travel, $ in the bank, smaller house... but he keeps saying "it's more than this one thing. it's everything".

Thank you everyone for your support. I am considering doing the P.I. route but want to wait a little... but it is eating me alive.