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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
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SIL issues...sorry long
DH's step sister (let's call her Cathy) called us a few days after we came home with the baby and we told her that we would call her when we were ready for visitors since those first few weeks are so hard. She said of course she understood.
Even before the baby we usually see this sister maybe once every 4 - 5 months at most even though she lives 10 mins away.
Well the weeks flew by and before we knew it Jake was a month old and we hadn't called her yet to come over (or anyone else for that matter - we were just exhausted). Then it just so happened that DH's Mom, my mom, and DH's two other sisters were all coming to visit from OOT during the same 2 week period. While my one SIL was here in NY she met up with "Cathy" for dinner. Now, even though were totally drained and did not feel like we could handle one more visitor - I told her to tell Cathy to stop by our house before they met up for dinner. She said she couldn't for whatever reason. The following week my other SIL came up and she also met up with Cathy and my MIL. I did the same thing -- told them to tell her to come over. She again declined.
Next thing I know, the following week, DH gets an email from his mom saying that Cathy had called her and told her she is "done with us" because we haven't asked her to come and see the baby. Now I feel terrible. Obviously she's upset because we hadn't called her. Coincidentally, the VERY SAME DAY that DH got that email, and BEFORE I even knew about it, I had emailed her and asked her to come over or call.
So then I figured now she's going to think I only sent that email because of her conversation with MIL. (MIL is known for meddling a little into the sibling relationships) But I didn't give up. I called her twice since and left voicemails. I've emailed her three times since and she has not so much as replied to one of my emails that included pictures of the baby.
DH's attitude is "F--k her! Who does she think she is, I am not going to kiss her azz." But I think this is really STUPID and she should just come over and meet her nephew already.
So now I don't know what else to do. I think she's being just ridiculous now and I can't keep chasing her down forever. I know she has her own issues because she's been trying to get PG for quite sometime now and has suffered through two miscarriages within the past 2 years that I'm not supposed to know about.
She is obviously avoiding my phone calls and emails. What would you do? Would you keep trying to get a hold of her? I really don't even want to mention this to my other SILs or my MIL because it will become a whole big family drama and I don't want to make it into a bigger deal than it already is by dragging everybody into it.
Any advice?
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Posted 9/19/05 11:21 AM  |
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MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
Ok so she feels hurt that she didnt get a phone call from you just invites from the other SIL's that you said to come over and see the baby-
ok things happen- does she also realize that you have your hands full right now too?? A month old baby- you are going through adjustments and prob sleepness nights and trying to get your body on a schedule, so I would think family members especially would be more understanding.
I wouldnt call or email again. The ball is in her court. If you wanted to casually so that it doesnt seem like you dont care, you can mention to your SIL or MIL hey have you heard from Cathy? I called and emailed her but I havent heard from her, is she ok? Say it with the intent that you are worried that you havent heard from her instead of letting them know that hey Im letting you know I did try to contact her and she is not responding. This way you get your point across but in a sincere way.
Hopefully she will call back. GL!
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| Posted 9/19/05 12:02 PM |
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DonnaJoe708
Hello
Member since 5/05 4002 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
Can you e-mail her again and try to explain that this is a misunderstanding and you didn't mean to exclude her from coming over to see the baby? Or maybe even write her a letter?
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| Posted 9/19/05 12:24 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
I would continue to email her and send pictures. I don't think anyone is at fault, but I could see how feelings got hurt. good luck
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| Posted 9/19/05 1:31 PM |
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MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
She emailed her 3 times allready and called her too, I dont see why she has to go chasing her( Cathy) now.??????????? and she sent pics of the baby allready. At what point does this become pathetic?
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| Posted 9/19/05 2:09 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
I don't think she has to call her or chase her. But if sending an email every now and then with a picture and an update will give the relationship hope, then I think it is worth it.
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| Posted 9/19/05 2:37 PM |
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MommyofG
just the girls
Member since 5/05 9461 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
Posted by Janice
I don't think she has to call her or chase her. But if sending an email every now and then with a picture and an update will give the relationship hope, then I think it is worth it.
Oh I see what you mean now, in time. I thought from what babyavocado was asking if she should keep calling her - from what I thought was meaning now, but yes I agree over time if she doesnt respond I would give updates, but I wouldnt email or call her for at least a couple of weeks after just calling twice and emailing 3 times.
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| Posted 9/19/05 3:15 PM |
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dengal
Dad of Twins
Member since 5/05 1385 total posts
Name:
The 80's Man
Let's Go Mets!
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
I think you made a fair effort to reach out to "Cathy", so I would stop the calls and the e-mails. The ball is in her court and let her decide whether she wants to come by or not. However, I would still include her on e-mails you send out to "everybody" with photos of the baby.
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| Posted 9/19/05 4:07 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
Posted by dengal
I think you made a fair effort to reach out to "Cathy", so I would stop the calls and the e-mails. The ball is in her court and let her decide whether she wants to come by or not. However, I would still include her on e-mails you send out to "everybody" with photos of the baby.
This is exactly what I would do too.
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| Posted 9/19/05 8:35 PM |
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iffer042373
5 weeks till I'm a big sister
Member since 5/05 2642 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
I honestly think you did enoug hyou invited her through other people to come over to see the baby the n you have e-mailed her and called her wuite a bit and she hasn't returned calls or e-mails so in my opinion I think you did enough since your MIL likes to g et involved maybe you can explain things to her and she may be able to get through to "Cathy"
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| Posted 9/20/05 9:59 AM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
Not sure what else you can do, since you called her a few times already. Maybe have DH try?
Honestly though, I don't blame her for being hurt, I would be.
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| Posted 9/23/05 11:43 AM |
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babyhopes
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/05 733 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
I can understand her hurt... NOT that it was done on purpose...
Can you just maybe e-mail her or call and say MOM told me your upset so the problem is out in the open?
Sorry...but CATHY needs to be an adult and come see the baby and be an AUNT to him...nothing would stop me from being a part of my nephews lives.
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| Posted 9/23/05 11:56 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
I think that you have done enough right now. You called and have emailed her...
I would give it a month and maybe call again. But i guess i agree with your DH. I wouldn't be begging her
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| Posted 9/23/05 12:25 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
Posted by dengal
I think you made a fair effort to reach out to "Cathy", so I would stop the calls and the e-mails. The ball is in her court and let her decide whether she wants to come by or not. However, I would still include her on e-mails you send out to "everybody" with photos of the baby.
That is great advice. She may still be healing from her own pregnancy losses and taking this to the extreme. You've done enough - she will come meet her nephew when she's ready
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| Posted 9/24/05 8:12 AM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
Posted by dooodles
Posted by dengal
I think you made a fair effort to reach out to "Cathy", so I would stop the calls and the e-mails. The ball is in her court and let her decide whether she wants to come by or not. However, I would still include her on e-mails you send out to "everybody" with photos of the baby.
That is great advice. She may still be healing from her own pregnancy losses and taking this to the extreme. You've done enough - she will come meet her nephew when she's ready
i agree. the fact that she used the terminology "done with us" (meaning you and DH), i think she's let her emotions get the best of her. she will call or come meet her nephew when she's ready. and i think you should still include her in the email updates with photos of the baby. she'll come around. 
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| Posted 9/24/05 11:45 AM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
Posted by Janice
I don't think she has to call her or chase her. But if sending an email every now and then with a picture and an update will give the relationship hope, then I think it is worth it.
I agree!!!
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| Posted 9/24/05 1:27 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: SIL issues...sorry long
I would send ONE more email. Apologize for not calling her sooner but you were exhausted, mention that you asked her over twice & that you assumed it was conveyed
blah blah blah. Tell her that you understand that she may be hurt and want to clear the air with you but that you'll leave the ball in her court.
That way you've been clear that the ball is in her court - and you've acknowledged your own actions and her feelings.
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| Posted 9/24/05 5:27 PM |
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