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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by Stefanie
Well, you have all of us here in LIF. We'll help you get through this.
agreed 
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Posted 4/3/06 10:40 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: I deperately need advice
I would def. confront him. The sooner you know the truth (and it may not be as bad as you think! you will feel better) I know it is hard but you can't continue to be sick over it  We are all here for you.
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| Posted 4/3/06 10:45 AM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: I deperately need advice
To me, this is cheating. I would confront him. Its probably going to turn in to a fight - be prepared. He is going to accuse you of not trusting him - but you have GOOD REASON NOT TO!! and he's prooven that to you! I would be furious - and would confront him with print outs of all the emails, etc that you have.
This girls response like "Happy wife = happy home" and "your wife will flip" means she TOO knows this is WRONG but at the same time she is not telling him "NO"
You need to confront him and put an end to this and I would insist on calcelling his My Space account.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:14 AM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: I deperately need advice
I would confront him...but because of past experience with an X....bring what ever proof you have with you to the conversation....don't let him have time to attempt to fix or change things.
best of luck
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:17 AM |
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raken40
soooo in love:)
Member since 5/05 4369 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: I deperately need advice
i'm sorry
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:21 AM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by HelpPlease
2. He attempts to delete all the history from the computer so I cannot see it.
I got a better idea. I can FM you a way on how you can prevent somebody from going into the internet explorer options and removing the access to delete the temporary internet files and recent web history.
The options will be there... but they will be greyed out. It would take a VERY computer saavy person to figure out how this happened.
After he goes to his funny websites... once he sees that he can't do that anymore... he will be shaking in his boots. 
ETA: I actually set this up on my home PC. My wife was soooo ****** off that I did this because she likes to clear the recent website history. But I happen to like it since I only go to about 5-10 websites on a regular basis and i don't like the history removed.
She hasn't figured out how to remove it. 
Message edited 4/3/2006 11:23:31 AM.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:22 AM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by BabyBoy
imo, you guys have other issues at home they should be resolved also. where is the comminication, privacy, and respect? If you have to go off and sneek around, hack computers, etc... trust is a big concern. Granted he is wrong for covering up whatever he may be doing, it looks bad for you trying to see what he is doing. Your hunch may be right but I think the first time it happened, you should of asked him about it.
Good luck with your situation.
i don't blame her. did you think that he was going to openly admit what he was doing? if i was in her sitautiuon, i would done the same.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:30 AM |
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HelpPlease
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 21 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice
I love my husband very much. And I don't want to loose him. Looking into her account. They were both in the military together a long time ago. So maybe he did just want to get in contact with an old friend but why is he doing it behind my back? Why she is divorced is because her husband told her he didn't like her talking to other guys. But she says that he didn't tell her this until he was ready to ask for a divorce. She told my husband that if she would have known sooner she would have changed. So how is what she is doing any better now?
Message edited 4/3/2006 11:33:03 AM.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:31 AM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice
i don't think this is the answer to her problem. although it is enticing and if it were me, i might do just that. however, they might use another browser that doesn't have a "disable" feature.
Message edited 4/3/2006 11:40:10 AM.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:35 AM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: I deperately need advice
DJ, you are SLICK! Although I love PILL's idea, this really has to be addressed. Whether he intended or not to physically cheat, the assumption is there because he's doing it behind your back and he's trying to make arrangements for this chick to come visit. The fact that she's encouraging it indicates intent on her part to keep things going. He's opening doors to the potential of things going further than causal chit-chatting. I would definitely do what Pill said though..block his access to some online 'play'
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:38 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by HelpPlease
I love my husband very much. And I don't want to loose him. Looking into her account. They were both in the military together a long time ago. So maybe he did just want to get in contact with an old friend but why is he doing it behind my back? Why she is divorced is because her husband told her he didn't like her talking to other guys. But she says that he didn't tell her this until he was ready to ask for a divorce. She told my husband that if she would have known sooner she would have changed. So how is what she is doing any better now?
Well, now she is single. I won't say what she is doing is right, but she is alone now and probably wants/needs someone to lean on. He, on the other hand, should be talking to his wife about his feelings and thoughts, not another woman.
So you know you don't want to lose him--now decide what you want. Do you want him to cut off contact and go to counseling? Sit down with him and calmly and rationally say I love you, and I want us to make it, but what you are doing really hurts me.
ETA: Decide what you are going to do though if he says he isn't happy and does want out. It may feel like he is your world, but you need to figure out where you would go/what you would do if this happens. It kind of seems like he wants you to find out--using the phone where clearly you would see the phone bill--and he may be looking for a way out, and may be wanting you to be the one to say you can't deal with him instead of him being the bad guy and leaving.
Message edited 4/3/2006 11:46:57 AM.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:38 AM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by HelpPlease
I love my husband very much. And I don't want to loose him. Looking into her account. They were both in the military together a long time ago. So maybe he did just want to get in contact with an old friend but why is he doing it behind my back? Why she is divorced is because her husband told her he didn't like her talking to other guys. But she says that he didn't tell her this until he was ready to ask for a divorce. She told my husband that if she would have known sooner she would have changed. So how is what she is doing any better now?
DON'T make excuses for them. they were both dishonest and sneaky. no need to defend their actions.
i know it is a hard decision and very painful but i might opt to wait to confront him. i would be curious to see where it may or may not lead.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:38 AM |
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BabyBoy
is Skylar Elizabeth
Member since 5/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Tom
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by skew
Posted by BabyBoy
imo, you guys have other issues at home they should be resolved also. where is the comminication, privacy, and respect? If you have to go off and sneek around, hack computers, etc... trust is a big concern. Granted he is wrong for covering up whatever he may be doing, it looks bad for you trying to see what he is doing. Your hunch may be right but I think the first time it happened, you should of asked him about it.
Good luck with your situation.
i don't blame her. did you think that he was going to openly admit what he was doing? if i was in her sitautiuon, i would done the same.
I don't blame her....i just think this issue is just one of a couple of issues with the relationship. My point was saying she should of nipped it when it first started. Now its alot bigger then it could of been and now, its thats much harder to get in back to normal.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:41 AM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by Ambersmom
DJ, you are SLICK! Although I love PILL's idea, this really has to be addressed.
Of course I am slick, and of course this should be REALLY addressed. I figured... since he is being a littly "coy" about it... why not return the favor.
Remember I do this computer work for a living. In the past... I have people at the job try to get around me... yet they haven't figured out a way to crack me yet.
Don't ever say I don't take care of you guys.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:45 AM |
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twobabies
Praying
Member since 7/05 9662 total posts
Name:
Mrs. Honeybee
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Re: I deperately need advice
fm
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:45 AM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by DjPiLL
I got a better idea. I can FM you a way on how you can prevent somebody from going into the internet explorer options and removing the access to delete the temporary internet files and recent web history.
The options will be there... but they will be greyed out. It would take a VERY computer saavy person to figure out how this happened.
Actually.... I just tried this on my work PC here. It doesn't just grey out the options in Tools/Internet explorer to delete this stuff... it removes the entire f'in general tab.
Good stuff.
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:46 AM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: I deperately need advice
Ooooo.... playing around some more i figured out how to grey the options out insted of removing the entire tab.
I like this one better because the button will be there... but you can't click on it. Kinda like an "in your face" type thing. 
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| Posted 4/3/06 11:53 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice
I'm sorry you're going through this...
Here are 2 points of view from my schizophrenic self:
I'm friendly with a few old boyfriends. My husband knows about it but knows that I'm not going to let them into our relationship. I've had my old boyfriend call me depressed & at the point of divorce. I know he knows that we will never ever be a couple again, what he was looking for was an unbiased view from someone who doesn't "count" in his everyday life, not family or close friends. I pointed out that he's screwing up his marriage in the same way he screwed up our relationship & relationships in the past. I still get emails from his wife every so often thanking me for helping them out. Yes it's uncoventional but it's not affecting my marriage & helping them out.
Posted by HelpPlease
I love my husband very much. And I don't want to loose him. Looking into her account. They were both in the military together a long time ago. So maybe he did just want to get in contact with an old friend but why is he doing it behind my back? Why she is divorced is because her husband told her he didn't like her talking to other guys. But she says that he didn't tell her this until he was ready to ask for a divorce. She told my husband that if she would have known sooner she would have changed. So how is what she is doing any better now?
I'm with you. I've seen one closer relative rationalize everything under the sun to his wife - until she thought she was being "jealous & suspicious". He drove her to the point where she was doubting her gut feeling he was cheating when we all knew he was. You know what you know, whether you want to admit it or not. Now it's just a matter of deciding do you want to sit by while he decides on your relationship without your input or have some input into your marriage.
Either way, I -- and all of LIF --- are here for you.
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| Posted 4/3/06 12:06 PM |
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HelpPlease
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 21 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice(update)
OMG SHe just messaged him on the computer at home. He is at work I am at home.....I am so tempted to say something to her
I don't know what to do 
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| Posted 4/3/06 2:10 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I deperately need advice
What did she say?
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| Posted 4/3/06 2:13 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice
"If you are trying to reach MY husband, you should try him at the office"?
eta. to point out : you just have your in to having a conversation w/o admitting you've hacked his account.
Message edited 4/3/2006 2:15:59 PM.
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| Posted 4/3/06 2:15 PM |
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HelpPlease
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/06 21 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice
SHe said
Hey DH Are you on your lunch break?
Maybe you and your wife should come out for a visit.
Maybe the next time you go to Vegas?
All sent separately.
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| Posted 4/3/06 2:15 PM |
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by HelpPlease
OMG SHe just messaged him on the computer at home. He is at work I am at home.....I am so tempted to say something to her
I don't know what to do
Honestly, as tempting as it is, I wouldn't answer her, only because she may contact him before you get to talk to him and then he'll have time to come up with a story.
JMO
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| Posted 4/3/06 2:16 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by HelpPlease
SHe said
Hey DH Are you on your lunch break?
Maybe you and your wife should come out for a visit.
Maybe the next time you go to Vegas?
All sent separately.
"Great we'd love to visit you when are you available? Call me now so we can talk about it"
Message edited 4/3/2006 2:17:15 PM.
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| Posted 4/3/06 2:16 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: I deperately need advice
Posted by HelpPlease
OMG SHe just messaged him on the computer at home. He is at work I am at home.....I am so tempted to say something to her
I don't know what to do
That's the perfect way to ask him about it! When he gets home, tell him you were on the computer and this chick sent a message for him...
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| Posted 4/3/06 2:17 PM |
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