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VirginiaDeb
Don't eat me, hippo!
Member since 5/05 9252 total posts
Name:
Deb
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
i haven't personally, but my family has cut off my cousins because of something that happened many years ago... the official 'severing of ties' happened when i was 11, thought the reason behind it happened long before i was born...
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Posted 1/13/06 10:37 PM  |
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thewinterone
You make me happy
Member since 5/05 2474 total posts
Name:
cause you are gray.
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
Posted by PrincessP
Woozshle... I think you need to relax ALOT! the same advice I am able to give her is the same advice you can give her. She can take my advice or leave it. I didnt try to take credit away from her, I am just presenting a way of looking at things. In addition, I wasnt the ONLY person on here that didnt think she should cut ties from her mother....In the end I wouldnt just write to me, write to all that say they dont think she should cut ties. Otherwise your opinion is your opinion.
I quoted only you because I felt you were the only person who was making it sound like she doesn't already know that what people on a website say shouldn't make or break your decisions. As for the rest of my statements, just like you, I was "presenting a way of looking at things". I never said I agreed with everyone else or not saying she shouldn't cut ties. No one knows the entire situation, so they can only speculate and give advice from their own experiences, which I was felt was handled just that way by everyone else. Being that I'm not hyped up, maybe you should take your own advice and relax.
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| Posted 1/13/06 10:47 PM |
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AandKmom
LIF Infant
Member since 11/05 210 total posts
Name:
Dolores
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
I know I'm new here, but I do have experience with this so I thought I'd reply.
Next month it will be 4 years since I've spoken to my mother, except the 2 times she had called me about 2 years ago to continue to try to cause problems...There are so many things that happened between the 2 of us that I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I have a husband and 2 children, one of my children my mother hasn't seen since she was a month old. It does hurt and it's not easy...I wish I had a mother, but I cannot have somebody like that in my life..Still if I think about things with her I get horrible anxiety. She brought me down as far as possible and I couldn't let her hurt me anymore. It's not for everybody I would never tell anybody to not speak to their parent anymore, but there are times when there are no other options, and for your own sake and the sake of your own family you have to.
Both of my parents because of their actions have made me who I am today, I am a better and stronger person because of it.
Long story with my father...never knew him, and now for the past 2 years we have been emailing every few months or so.
You have to do what is right for you, if that means cutting your mother off then that is what you need to do. With my mother it was constant and it needed to end and I knew she was never going to stop her crap so I had to finally stand up for myself and do something about it.
Sorry, I kind of rambled on, but I have to agree that you don't know what it's like until you go through it yourself...hardest decision I've ever made, but I'm happier now.
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| Posted 1/13/06 11:26 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
I'm actually a little shocked at how many people have cut off a close family member.
Jen, I hope you find the right answer for you and your beautiful baby.
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| Posted 1/13/06 11:46 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
I appreciate everyone's responses and I am not looking for anyone to make a decison for me I was just more looking to see if I was in this alone or not and it seems that I am not.
I am not really in the frame of mind right now to make any decisions but I really needed some support today because it was a bad day with her.
I would never cut her out of my life lightly. I have done it once before and has been basically had heartache after heartache since I let her back in.
Again thank you for all the honest heart felt responses.
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| Posted 1/13/06 11:49 PM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
Posted by monkeybride
I appreciate everyone's responses and I am not looking for anyone to make a decison for me I was just more looking to see if I was in this alone or not and it seems that I am not.
I am not really in the frame of mind right now to make any decisions but I really needed some support today because it was a bad day with her.
I would never cut her out of my life lightly. I have done it once before and has been basically had heartache after heartache since I let her back in.
Again thank you for all the honest heart felt responses.
How close does she live to you now?
The only reason why I ask, is because it is so much easier not living in the same town.
I only live about 20 minutes away from my parents, but I never run into either of them in my town.
Message edited 1/13/2006 11:54:05 PM.
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| Posted 1/13/06 11:51 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
Posted by peabody
Posted by monkeybride
I appreciate everyone's responses and I am not looking for anyone to make a decison for me I was just more looking to see if I was in this alone or not and it seems that I am not.
I am not really in the frame of mind right now to make any decisions but I really needed some support today because it was a bad day with her.
I would never cut her out of my life lightly. I have done it once before and has been basically had heartache after heartache since I let her back in.
Again thank you for all the honest heart felt responses.
How close does she live to you now?
The only reason why I ask, is because it is so much easier not living in the same town.
I only live about 20 minutes away from my parents, but I never run into either of them in my town.
She is about 20-25 min away from us which is definitely a good thing.
Message edited 1/13/2006 11:55:53 PM.
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| Posted 1/13/06 11:55 PM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by peabody
Posted by monkeybride
I appreciate everyone's responses and I am not looking for anyone to make a decison for me I was just more looking to see if I was in this alone or not and it seems that I am not.
I am not really in the frame of mind right now to make any decisions but I really needed some support today because it was a bad day with her.
I would never cut her out of my life lightly. I have done it once before and has been basically had heartache after heartache since I let her back in.
Again thank you for all the honest heart felt responses.
How close does she live to you now?
The only reason why I ask, is because it is so much easier not living in the same town.
I only live about 20 minutes away from my parents, but I never run into either of them in my town.
She is about 20-25 min away from us which is definitely a good thing.
Does she have friends in CO or where she is living?
I am just asking, bec if she moved from LI to CO, sh emay have no support system. So she may be extra stressed and taking it out on you.
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| Posted 1/13/06 11:59 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
Posted by peabody
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by peabody
Posted by monkeybride
I appreciate everyone's responses and I am not looking for anyone to make a decison for me I was just more looking to see if I was in this alone or not and it seems that I am not.
I am not really in the frame of mind right now to make any decisions but I really needed some support today because it was a bad day with her.
I would never cut her out of my life lightly. I have done it once before and has been basically had heartache after heartache since I let her back in.
Again thank you for all the honest heart felt responses.
How close does she live to you now?
The only reason why I ask, is because it is so much easier not living in the same town.
I only live about 20 minutes away from my parents, but I never run into either of them in my town.
She is about 20-25 min away from us which is definitely a good thing.
Does she have friends in CO or where she is living?
I am just asking, bec if she moved from LI to CO, sh emay have no support system. So she may be extra stressed and taking it out on you.
She's been here almost a year and has made some friends. She has a church that she goes to but part of my mothers problem is that she's a martyr so she doesn't make this huge effort to make her life better.
She actually moved her from Philly where all of my family lives and she was always mad at them because "no one had any time for her" which I'm sure was an exaggeration to some point. She has a hard time accepting that people have lives that actually take up a lot of their time.
I try to see her at least twice a week sometimes more on occasion less and still that's not enough. I truly don't enjoy being around her but I try to make myself "do the right thing".
We also give her money every month to help pay her bills since she's on social security. She has yet to get the PT job she was supposed to get when she moved here and we still help her out. But somehow I am this horrible, selfish, cruel daughter. I don't get it. 
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| Posted 1/14/06 12:12 AM |
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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
I have not spoken to my sister in almost 5 years and have not one regret about it. She was the "Evil" in my life and I needed to rid myself of her.
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| Posted 1/14/06 12:25 AM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by peabody
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by peabody
Posted by monkeybride
I appreciate everyone's responses and I am not looking for anyone to make a decison for me I was just more looking to see if I was in this alone or not and it seems that I am not.
I am not really in the frame of mind right now to make any decisions but I really needed some support today because it was a bad day with her.
I would never cut her out of my life lightly. I have done it once before and has been basically had heartache after heartache since I let her back in.
Again thank you for all the honest heart felt responses.
How close does she live to you now?
The only reason why I ask, is because it is so much easier not living in the same town.
I only live about 20 minutes away from my parents, but I never run into either of them in my town.
She is about 20-25 min away from us which is definitely a good thing.
Does she have friends in CO or where she is living?
I am just asking, bec if she moved from LI to CO, sh emay have no support system. So she may be extra stressed and taking it out on you.
She's been here almost a year and has made some friends. She has a church that she goes to but part of my mothers problem is that she's a martyr so she doesn't make this huge effort to make her life better.
She actually moved her from Philly where all of my family lives and she was always mad at them because "no one had any time for her" which I'm sure was an exaggeration to some point. She has a hard time accepting that people have lives that actually take up a lot of their time.
I try to see her at least twice a week sometimes more on occasion less and still that's not enough. I truly don't enjoy being around her but I try to make myself "do the right thing".
We also give her money every month to help pay her bills since she's on social security. She has yet to get the PT job she was supposed to get when she moved here and we still help her out. But somehow I am this horrible, selfish, cruel daughter. I don't get it.
Jen, you are not a horrible, cruel, selfish daughter. This makes me so mad that she makes you feel like this.
I know you need to see this in yourself and I can't really tell you, but you are a successful young woman with a successful career and loving marriage and a wonderful new mother learning about motherhood.
Can I ask you question, what is your mom's connection to LI?
It's weird because when we moved to LI when I was 10 yrs old my Mom HATED IT!! She HATED the people, just everything, she blamed everyone for everything. And I can understand the rages, my mom would rage and no one could do anything about it. yet now 20 years later when she has the opportunity to leave LI, what she hated, and now she can't leave, it is familiar to her.
I think what I have learned in this past year and 1/2 is not to let my mom's mood affect me. I remember the day she yelled at me on the phone after my wedding and honeymoon and I felt my world just fall apart. It took me over an year to get over that and not let her moods bring me down. It's so hard, because your Mom is your Mom. But your Mom's problems are not your problems.
Just wondering, have you and your mom seeked counseling together?
Honestly, that is what saved my relationship with my mom. I can understand her background and why she behaves the way she does. It's not that I agree with it, but at least I understand it.
Message edited 1/14/2006 12:39:13 AM.
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| Posted 1/14/06 12:28 AM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
My in-laws have cut their son out of their lives (my DH's brother) because of the destruction and heartache he caused due to his drug addiction...it's very sad. But I understand why they felt the need to do it.
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| Posted 1/14/06 1:20 AM |
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emilain
UNREAL!!!!!!!!
Member since 5/05 4457 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
we have been disconnected from one of my uncles for a few years because he is somewhat crazy, but I miss him and look forward tyo a time when he comes around again.
My hubby has cut off a family member, he is sad but much less stressed (finally), he hopesto oneday be on civil terms with him but no longer wants a relationship with him. I personally think cutting one off is sad, my family means too much to me I could never fully cut somoeone off in my immediate family, but then again they would NEVER give me a reason too, we are too close, in my hubby's situation, I totally agree with where he is at, enough is enough
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| Posted 1/14/06 8:46 AM |
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
We've actually cut off DHs sister. She wasn't invited to our wedding.
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| Posted 1/14/06 9:19 AM |
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Ali1
Mommy
Member since 8/05 3116 total posts
Name:
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
Posted by girlygrl33
I could NEVER cut off a close family member. Family is all we really have when it comes down to the nitty gritty.
I heard this so many times when talking to people about the issues with my father ---"But he's family". Well, the only thing i can say is that you don't have to live in a relationship everyday that is so destructive to you that there is no other way then to cut them out.
Me and my fathers relationship slowly deteriorated over a 10 years period. We went through periods of not talking and then me reaching out to him to try and make it work again out of guilt. Well since November 2002 i have not spoken a word to him and he was not invited to our wedding.
It's a decision i think about EVERY day and have gone to therapy for. The only thing i can say is that i have never once regretted my decision. As he gets older his behavior gets worse and worse. My brother and sisters have all cut ties with him too.
The sad thing is all of us have turned out to be pretty good kids (we lived with my mom and stepdad growing up) and i keep saying he could be so enjoying this time in his life with his kids and grandkids and look what he has done with it.
Monkeybride...the only thing i can say is really think about it your decisions and the reprecusions for you and your mother. And you will feel guilt if you decide to do it....but in the end the chaos of the destructive relationship being gone far outweighs the guilt. Good luck
Message edited 1/14/2006 3:42:17 PM.
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| Posted 1/14/06 3:40 PM |
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mosh913
baby boy coming spring '11
Member since 5/05 3133 total posts
Name:
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
Posted by Mrslittlebookworm4
We've actually cut off DHs sister. She wasn't invited to our wedding.
Same thing here, but it was DH's brother. He was supposed to be in our wedding, but his wife was the one that really ended things. We haven't spoken to them in 2 years, and believe me, we don't loose sleep over it at night.
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| Posted 1/14/06 4:11 PM |
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BobBsWife
No more school= too much time!
Member since 5/05 1395 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
My dad cut me out when I was 10  Because of this I don't think I will ever be normal!
I am sorry for you dilema Lots of
Message edited 1/14/2006 5:10:05 PM.
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| Posted 1/14/06 5:09 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Have you ever cut off a close family member?
My BIL cut his entire family off. No reason given, no fight that occurred, nothing.
He has a beyatch, jealous, controling wife who i am sure had a lot to do with it...
My DH will never speak to his brother again.
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| Posted 1/14/06 5:17 PM |
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