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Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew

Member since 5/05

14266 total posts

Name:
Jes

Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

he thinks i drink too much.

what do i do? say? how much is "too much"??


the only thing that scares me is that i come from a family of alchoholics

but i honestly dont think i drink "too much"


i mean, im 22 yrs old , i started drinking at the age of 20. ive only been drinking for 2 years really. im sure working in a bar has made me drink more----- but i dont think i drink a crazy amount at all.

he says i just drink everyday............. and thats too much.

i just dont know what to do.

Message edited 3/22/2006 12:34:42 AM.

Posted 3/22/06 12:30 AM
 
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evenedan
Need a little sunshine

Member since 9/05

3843 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Posted by Lolita4Life

he thinks i drink too much.

what do i do? say? how much is "too much"??


the only thing that scares me is that i come from a family of alchoholics

but i honestly dont think i drink "too much"


i mean, im 22 yrs old , i started drinking at the age of 20. ive only been drinking for 2 years really. im sure working in a bar has made me drink more----- but i dont think i drink a crazy amount at all.

he says i just drink everyday............. and thats too much.

i just dont know what to do.



I can see how that would be shocking to hear. But keep in mind people who drink too much are usually the last ones to realize there is a problem. And in my opinion drinking everyday sounds excessive. Are we talking a single glass of wine at the end of a long day or are we talking multiple drinks every day? If you have have a history of alcoholism in the family, you might want to take precaution not to lead yourself down that path and drinking everyday (even if it's one drink) is certainly not going to help.

Posted 3/22/06 12:43 AM
 

PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!

Member since 12/05

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Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

I agree with the poster above. Drinking everyday seems a little excessive to me as well. The questions I would ask are , is it interfering with your daily routine? Are others feeling the same way? Do you feel you are turning to alcohol vs handling daily dilemmas? If some of these are yes then maybe you might want to ween off a bit. From other postings, I recall you might work in a restaurant/bar, am I correct? If so maybe because it is more available to you the urge to drink is there? Without knowing you and all the facts, it is probably alot harder to figure out the situation but if you feel you might need help, there are many outlets. It could also be very well that he said it in a rash moment and maybe he doesnt feel this way at all. Which to me would be hurtful and I would question why.

Posted 3/22/06 7:09 AM
 

mommy2bella
Where does time go?

Member since 12/05

9747 total posts

Name:
Kelly

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Honestly, at 22, I was a boozer myself...what you have to do is evaluate how it affects you...some people can be drinkers without it being a problem, others cannot.

It has to be shocking to hear, but you can do something about it...

Posted 3/22/06 7:34 AM
 

CAJ
woulda, coulda, shoulda

Member since 12/05

3366 total posts

Name:
CJ

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

I am sure he didnt say it for the shock value, maybe take his suggestion with open arms because he loves you....Chat Icon

Posted 3/22/06 7:36 AM
 

PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Posted by mommy2bellabean

Honestly, at 22, I was a boozer myself...what you have to do is evaluate how it affects you...some people can be drinkers without it being a problem, others cannot.

It has to be shocking to hear, but you can do something about it...



I definitely see your point on the age factor. I am answering as a married 30 yr old. I also was (not an alcoholic) but drinking more then I would now. Theres alot to consider.

Posted 3/22/06 7:41 AM
 

dm24angel
Happiness

Member since 5/05

34581 total posts

Name:
Donna

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

I think it all depends on how "drunk" you are getting. I have to say at 22 I drank A LOT and probably close to very day. It was a phase...And I still am a drinker when we go out and stuff but not anywhere near "excessive". So age plays a big part. You could easily grow out of it...

AND your husband is older then you, he may not remember that, and just see you , his wife, drinking more then him and often. Try to put it into prespective for him. If your drinking is interfering in any way with the relationship , its a problem, but If the drinking is not excessive, you should be able to cut down some and make everyone happy ya know?

Posted 3/22/06 7:49 AM
 

BabyBoy
is Skylar Elizabeth

Member since 5/05

4189 total posts

Name:
Tom

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

prehaps he is worried you will abuse it or be dependant on it one day.....Chat Icon

i would say something similar being that i witness acholisim (sp) first hand with my father drinking.... does you DH have acholics (sp) or any memories of something bad happening from drinking (like drunk driving, etc..?)

Message edited 3/22/2006 7:52:14 AM.

Posted 3/22/06 7:50 AM
 

IrishTracy
Believe!!

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Tracy

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

IS your husband older then you? Because if he is a good bit older that might mean he's done w/ his partying days & yours have just begun. (that happens alot)

I know at 22 I was out about 5 days out of the week!

Posted 3/22/06 8:10 AM
 

BabyAvocado
Happy New Year

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Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Well...you're working, not partying. That's different than your typical 22 yr old partyer. I understand you work in a bar, but that doesn't mean drinking is part of your job.

I would say to take his words into serious consideration. Doesn't mean you have a problem, but since you have a history in your family, you need to be careful. So just use it as a warning.

If you learn to handle your drinking now at such a young age, you'll be in a much better position to control your drinking later in life when alcoholism may start to become a real threat. Learning to control it now may mean you never get to that point, so this is not a bad thing at all.

Also, I do feel that drinking everyday is a bit excessive unless you are on vacation or something.

Posted 3/22/06 9:18 AM
 

dpli
Daylight savings :)

Member since 5/05

13973 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

I think people who work in the bar/restaurant industry have a much different perspective on this than those who don't. I know people who work in restaurants and it is pretty common to hang out for an hour or so after work and have drinks with co-workers. That is so far from my daily routine that it is hard for me to imagine.

The other factor could be that your DH is a bit older than you. As other people said, I went out 4 or 5 nights a week when I was 20-21, but I have to rally to go out on a weekend these days. I think though, if it is creating a strain on your relationship, it would be wise to cut back a bit, even if you don't think you have a problem.

Posted 3/22/06 10:04 AM
 

btrflygrl
me and baby #3!

Member since 5/05

12013 total posts

Name:
Shana

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

what to do? LISTEN TO HIM. why don't you write down how much and how often you drink for a week or month...or have him do it.

it's best to stop a potential problem now.

Posted 3/22/06 10:15 AM
 

patti08
Happy

Member since 5/05

3893 total posts

Name:
Patti

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Have you considered stopping drinking for a month to prove to both of you that it's not a problem?

ETA: I'm not saying that you do have a problem or that you don't. I'm also not saying that this would fix everything if you do have a dependance on alcohol. But you should start somewhere, to figure it out if the person closest to you, for whom it was probably very difficult to say it to you, is worried.

Message edited 3/22/2006 10:19:03 AM.

Posted 3/22/06 10:15 AM
 

DjPiLL

Member since 5/05

3664 total posts

Name:
Richard

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Ok....

Do you only drink while you are at the bar? If thats the case... then i wouldn't see an issue with it.


but...


Do you drink when you are at home as well? If its more than one drink a day (like more than a glass of wine a day)... then yeah thats too much IMO.

Posted 3/22/06 11:03 AM
 

DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it

Member since 5/05

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Name:
The cure IS worse!

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

regardless if you think you have a problem the fact that he does worries me.
If my DH said something like that it would be enough to make me think...and probably put down the bottle for a while.

Posted 3/22/06 11:05 AM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

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Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

As someone who has a very close relative who was in AA at the age of 20 and a history of alcoholism in my family, I'm very glad you are taking his comments to heart.

No advice to offer, just Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

eta. Ok here's my 3 cents anyway. My family member could stop drinking for months at a time to prove to themselves that they weren't an alcoholic. I don't think it's the amount or frequency that makes you an alcoholic as the effect alcohol has on you when you do drink.

Message edited 3/22/2006 11:08:07 AM.

Posted 3/22/06 11:05 AM
 

DjPiLL

Member since 5/05

3664 total posts

Name:
Richard

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Posted by dpli

I think people who work in the bar/restaurant industry have a much different perspective on this than those who don't. I know people who work in restaurants and it is pretty common to hang out for an hour or so after work and have drinks with co-workers. That is so far from my daily routine that it is hard for me to imagine.





I have worked in bars for a long time. I used to drink while I was working a lot more than I do now. Now i hardly drink at all. I never drink during the week unless a friend shows up because I have to work the next day. And even if a friend shows up... usually just one pint tops.

I will occasionally have a pint or two on a Saturday night when I am working, just so i can "loosen up" a bit. But nothing crazy.

My body doesn't have the tolerance for alcohol that it used to have. Granted... i can drink PLENTY of pints and not really have an issue with getting out of control. I am far from a lightweight.

But my problem recently is if I have anything more than two pints... i wake up the next morning with a nasty hangover and for me its just not worth it to drink any more than that and be useless the next day.

Posted 3/22/06 11:06 AM
 

Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew

Member since 5/05

14266 total posts

Name:
Jes

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

ill sometimes have a drink after work..... but thats becomign rare for me now.

if we go out to eat chances are YES, i have a drink with dinner.

we went out yesterday with friends and ill admit i got really drunk...... but that was because we went out with friends!

no, i dont drink alone.

i think ive just drank alot these past two weeks or so.

i do NOT "need" drinks, nor does it affect my daily routines.

he is seriously just overreacting.

he is 12 years older than me, so he doesnt drink as much. hes over it. i figure, let me act my age once in a while for gods sake!

SO...... i told him thiws morning i am off drink for the rest of the month. maybe longer, not sure. but hopefully he will see that i dont need alcohol nor do i abuse it


Posted 3/22/06 2:52 PM
 

neenie

Member since 5/05

22351 total posts

Name:

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

as long as you dont "need" to drink, i really dont see the problem.

i was drunk almost everyday from 20-22 yrs old. theres a time and place for everything, and i had my fun while i had the chance. some people (DH included) said i used to drink too much, but it wasnt alarming- i just had a ridiculously high tolerance. I wanted to drink, didn't "NEED" to drink, and i was having fun.

its not like youre in your 30s, have kids, and are all of a sudden going out partying all the timeChat Icon

Posted 3/22/06 3:11 PM
 

dpli
Daylight savings :)

Member since 5/05

13973 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Posted by DjPiLL

But my problem recently is if I have anything more than two pints... i wake up the next morning with a nasty hangover and for me its just not worth it to drink any more than that and be useless the next day.




Awww, Pill, you're growing up.....Chat Icon Chat Icon

Same here - I sometimes feel hung over the morning after, even if I have only had one or 2 drinks.

Posted 3/22/06 3:13 PM
 

ODonnell
.

Member since 9/05

5983 total posts

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Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Posted by nrthshgrl

I don't think it's the amount or frequency that makes you an alcoholic as the effect alcohol has on you when you do drink.



I have had a lot of exposure to alcoholism in different settings and I agree 100%

Posted 3/22/06 3:14 PM
 

DjPiLL

Member since 5/05

3664 total posts

Name:
Richard

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Posted by dpli

Awww, Pill, you're growing up.....Chat Icon Chat Icon




Thanks... but unforunately this is a case of my "body" growing up instead of my "mind" growing up.

I can't take all the credit. Chat Icon

Posted 3/22/06 3:22 PM
 

oakslady
LIF Adult

Member since 8/05

969 total posts

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Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

having a drink every day is too much - and i dont think your age excuses the problem nor do i think going out with friends is a reason to get "really drunk " i think you are trying to rationalize it to yourself-
if your husband felt it was bad enough that he needed to say something you should listen to him -
try writing down how many time you are drinking - i come from an alcoholic family and can tell you sometimes people who are drinking dont realize how much they actually are having.
if you dont need to drink then stop - especially comming from this kind of background - why set yourself up for it?

Posted 3/23/06 12:22 AM
 

Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew

Member since 5/05

14266 total posts

Name:
Jes

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

oakslady.... you are assuming i have a "problem" which i dont. thats what im trying to prove.

i already told him im off drink for a while.

and i dont drink everyday, he is exaggerating.

it bothers me that he is ACTING like i drink alot. its in his head. i think its that if im not drinking WITH him then he thinks its not good.

Posted 3/23/06 12:28 AM
 

Ali1
Mommy

Member since 8/05

3116 total posts

Name:

Re: Wow! DH just said something shocking.........

Posted by oakslady

having a drink every day is too much - and i dont think your age excuses the problem nor do i think going out with friends is a reason to get "really drunk " i think you are trying to rationalize it to yourself-
if your husband felt it was bad enough that he needed to say something you should listen to him -
try writing down how many time you are drinking - i come from an alcoholic family and can tell you sometimes people who are drinking dont realize how much they actually are having.
if you dont need to drink then stop - especially comming from this kind of background - why set yourself up for it?



I don't agree. I know plenty of people who have a drink when they get home every day and I do not in the least sense consider them alcoholics. And going out at 22 with friends, I think a lot of ladies can say they would get really drunk with friends (i know i did).

Honestly, from what you said Lolita I think you and DH age difference is the issue here. I know now that i am almost 30 I can't drink like i did back in my early 20's. Just not fun to do (or feel the next morning). However, (except now that i am pregnant) me and DH usually shared a glass or 2 of wine at dinner some nights. We were not drinking to get drunk, we enjoy wine.

I come from alcoholism and see what it can do and I am very careful in watching to see what might be an issue. I don't consider a person an alcoholic if they have a drink a day or go out on Friday with friends and get drunk...I consider an alcoholic a person who gets drunk to act out, to be a different person or who relys on alcohol to socialize or to numb the pain out. Or a person who continues to drink even once their friends have grown up.

Alcoholism though is such a tough disease to define in the end. I define it by what I see it has done to my family, others might define it differently.

Posted 3/23/06 9:34 AM
 
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