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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
just some small background info...I didn't grow up with the best mother, but my stepmother was great (at times "evil") but still a better mother than my real mom.
After tons of therapy and 28 years of holding it all in, I let my real mother have it. She ruined my baby shower surprise, was less than generous with her gift, her excuse was lame, she didn't help the hostess with the clean up (while my MIL, my stepmom, my FSIL, AND my real mothers OWN SISTER all helped).
It was a long time coming and I feel great for letting it all go.
HAs anyone else told off or completely written off a birth parent?
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Posted 8/17/05 7:58 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
no i haven't but
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| Posted 8/17/05 8:13 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Im sorry Shana
My dad and mom were having some real problems a few years back, and my brothers and I told him off... and really were ready to write him off...
I dont know if it was the fear of losing us, a change of life..or whatever...but it changed him dramatically...
Although the things he did were SO wrong... it took that for him to step up to the plate..
Basically what Im trying to say is... maybe she needs you to tell her off..to understand she SUX..and change her life around!
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| Posted 8/17/05 9:11 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
I'm sorry you are going through this.
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| Posted 8/17/05 9:21 PM |
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julz33
i run for bacon
Member since 5/05 20584 total posts
Name:
julz
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Shana I know how you feel. I have written off my father and his entire family.
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| Posted 8/17/05 9:54 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Just wanted to give you some hugs bc I have a friend who has problems with her birth mother also. She has tried to write her off, but can't make that break yet. She wants to be there with her much younger siblings bc the mother is such a spaz.
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| Posted 8/17/05 10:07 PM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
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| Posted 8/17/05 10:13 PM |
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Wendy
Wheeee!
Member since 5/05 13736 total posts
Name:
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Oh Shana!!!!
To be honest, based on what little you had told me in the past, I was surprised she was at the shower. 
I think you know I haven't spoken to my father in just about a year and have no plans to, over things some would probably consider not that major.
You do what you have to do that is good for YOU and only you. Especially at this point in your life, expecting & all  ... you are the number one priority!
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| Posted 8/17/05 10:20 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Yes but for some reason it just doesn't get through to either of them.
Right now I don't even speak to my father and well my mom still thinks the world is all about her and her needs and that everyone is out to get her  . Of course she doesn't see it that way. I really thought that at the age of 30 I would be over dealing with this junk.
All I can say is that I feel your pain. I don't know if a bad parent ever gets better but its better that you let it out.
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| Posted 8/17/05 11:01 PM |
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skygirl
Our prayers were answered:)
Member since 6/05 4919 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
I am sorry that your mom is not coming through for you, luckily you have a great support system with the other moms in your life. ( MIL, aunt & stepmom) Family can be soooo draining @ times.
To answer the ? posted- yes, I wrote off my dad who I WAS close too and my mom and I always had a very rocky / strained realtionship( she is mentally ill- so forgetaboutit)
I don't want to hijack this thread but want you to know that ou are not alone and send you some hugs---
I am thankful for my IL's who are REAL parents
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| Posted 8/18/05 2:11 AM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Posted by Wendy
Oh Shana!!!!
To be honest, based on what little you had told me in the past, I was surprised she was at the shower.
I think you know I haven't spoken to my father in just about a year and have no plans to, over things some would probably consider not that major.
You do what you have to do that is good for YOU and only you. Especially at this point in your life, expecting & all ... you are the number one priority!
Well...Vicki had asked me if she should mention my coming up to NY and said I felt bad if she were to find out via someone else, so I told her I was flying up.
She had the audacity to think that EVERYONE else helped clean up SO SHE COULD HAVE MORE TIME WITH ME!!! WHAT NERVE!!!! They did it so my best friend could have her house back to normal!!!
At this point, I told her I expect nothing from her and I'm not sure if I need to go as far as telling her I don't want her in my life. My sister feels the same way, so it's not just me. I'm just glad I'm 1,000 miles away.
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| Posted 8/18/05 8:59 AM |
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casey31
Mommy of 3!
Member since 5/05 2967 total posts
Name:
Mommy to two boys and a girl
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this at such an otherwise happy time in your life! 
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| Posted 8/18/05 9:23 AM |
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MsMa
Momma's Boy ?
Member since 5/05 1453 total posts
Name:
Meri
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Posted by julz33
Shana I know how you feel. I have written off my father and his entire family.
Ditto Julz!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shana I'm happy for that you said something sometimes I wish I had the chance to do so myself.
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| Posted 8/18/05 10:18 AM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Posted by julz33
Shana I know how you feel. I have written off my father and his entire family.
same here. esp now with a baby on the way, you need to do what's best for you and not let her cause you any more stress.
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| Posted 8/18/05 10:37 AM |
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AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Yup my Dad
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| Posted 8/18/05 10:59 AM |
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dld4e
I ♥ my boys!
Member since 5/05 4461 total posts
Name:
DJ
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
No, I haven't....just wanted to give you 's.
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| Posted 8/18/05 11:16 AM |
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babygirl28
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 143 total posts
Name:
bride
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
no i havent...but im sorry to hear what happend.
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| Posted 8/18/05 11:40 AM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Shana I am in the process of doing this right now, and i know how painful it is- especially when they ruin the otherwise happy events in your life. Even though I know cutting them off is the right thing to do, there is still an emptiness to get used to.
I have come to the conclusion that some people are just toxic and unfortunately we related to them. In my case, the best thing is to keep as much distance as possible between us.
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| Posted 8/18/05 11:56 AM |
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Baboots
I miss you grandma
Member since 8/05 1437 total posts
Name:
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Posted by AJsMommy122
Yup my Dad
Me too and all over MY wedding. I haven't spoken with him for almost 2 years now He's a very selfish man. He flat out refused to come to my wedding because of my mom. I think it had more to do with the fact that he didn't want to face her after all the harm he had done to her and us over the years. Oh well, life has to go on.
Hang in there sweetie. Seems like there's a few of us in the same boat as you.
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| Posted 8/18/05 12:53 PM |
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NoStressMom
My Heart and Soul
Member since 5/05 11122 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
I'm so sorry to hear that but glad you feel better with things!
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| Posted 8/18/05 12:56 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
No, but these are for you
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| Posted 8/18/05 2:43 PM |
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Giannas-mama
Happy Birthday baby girl!!
Member since 5/05 1663 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
I know how you feel...I have told my mother that the best thing she ever did to us was leaving us when we were young...the worse thing she has done is coming back
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| Posted 8/18/05 4:13 PM |
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Ali1
Mommy
Member since 8/05 3116 total posts
Name:
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
Posted by baghag
Shana I am in the process of doing this right now, and i know how painful it is- especially when they ruin the otherwise happy events in your life. Even though I know cutting them off is the right thing to do, there is still an emptiness to get used to.
I have come to the conclusion that some people are just toxic and unfortunately we related to them. In my case, the best thing is to keep as much distance as possible between us.
Gosh i could not say it better then this. I have written off my father. It took years to get to that point, but in the end it was becoming an real effort to be around him at all. I tried for years to work on it and then finally he did something to me that made me say I had it.
I don't care if they are family, relationships are two way streets, if you are not getting anything from the other person or they are toxic to you then there is nothing better to do then write them off. Sad that life is like that.
The emptiness (even though you know you are doing th eright thing) takes a long time to get use to. Also, the what-ifs (i.e. he gets sick, dies, etc).
Feel free to FM us...we are here to support you.
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| Posted 8/18/05 4:14 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
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| Posted 8/18/05 5:53 PM |
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christy
Mommy of 2
Member since 5/05 6787 total posts
Name:
Christy
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Re: WEll, guess it's my turn for family "issues"
I can totally relate to these issues. I have written off my mother, and it was the best decision I made...though it took 25 years to do! LOL
I hardly speak to my father. (Neither were suitable for having children.) Unfortunately I dont know who my biological father is, I might try to find him one day. The only good thing I can say about him is that he was smart enough to get away! LOL
If you ever need to talk Shana, I am totally here!
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| Posted 8/18/05 9:01 PM |
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