9/11 Essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

I could have written this myself!




My Brooklyn, Autumn of 9/11
by Cathy Brown

I never thought I'd see him smile again. Even three months later, the wounds were still raw and oozing. He was like a lost dog - angry, feral, wandering, ready to snap without warning. I began to step lightly around him, never knowing what might set him off. A scent, a sound, a particular brilliant blue sky.

I knew that nothing would ever be the same, and I was afraid. Afraid I would never see the crooked grin that helped me fall in love with him. Afraid I would never hear his laugh again, the one that opened the door to endless possibility. But I was also hopeful. I knew that, without hope, we would be lost - they would have already won. And I was a fighter. After all, I am from Brooklyn.

Something happens when you grow up on these cracked concrete streets. It makes you strong, inside and out. There are summers when your skinned knees never heal. Cut upon scrape upon scab upon gash. And that's what it was like for us the autumn of 9/11. Every new name, every old friend, every sad story - piled one of top of another. Every body they never found, every body part they did. Every funeral we attended, and the ones we couldn't bear to. Every memorial mass, every candlelight vigil, every empty coffin, every closed one that contained only fragments.

For weeks, for months after, you could smell the smoldering. Sometimes we would go to the Promenade to watch the smoke, to watch the souls of our lost neighbors rise. Sometimes we would stare out our back window at the view that was no longer there, the absence above the rooftops, above the crooked antenna and spindly city trees. But we didn't have to look out a window to know they were gone.

Still, we had a child to think of. An unscathed, innocent little creature who sat happily eating pancakes when the second plane hit, not two miles away as the crow flies. He was learning to run and discover and trust and talk, albeit in Brooklynese. He didn't notice the steady streams of smoke that billowed in the distance as he climbed the jungle gym in J.J. Byrne Park on Fifth Avenue in Park Slope that day. Or realize that the girl he played with in the community hall down in Windsor Terrace had her father's eyes. Ruby's father handn't come home that night, but his had, shattered.

My husband, Peter, knew exactly where he wanted our Christmas card photograph to be taken that year. He drove, as if on a mission, through the streets that go from blacktop to cobblestone in the shadow of the Brooklyn Bridge. We were racing with the sun. We were losing light. He knew the exact angle, the precise backdrop, as though he'd dreamed it. Perhaps he had.

We dragged our friend Dave along with us, through the fence and onto the overgrown grass, not yet dead from winter. Dave quickly wrestled the tripod into place, sensing the urgency. The sun was slipping beneath the horizon. Behind us, the Brookyn Bridge stretched into Manhattan. There were no billows of smoke this day, no legions trudging across its expanse to safety. There was only the new city skyline. One that was so full, yet so empty.

That was a very different Christmas picture for us. Serious, with somber smiles. But also with the flicker of hope. Because, you see, we're from Brooklyn. We're strong and tough and grew up playing on concrete. We were broken, but we were alive.

As Dave finished taking the pictures, Peter started throwing our restless son into the air. First just barely past his fingertips. Then, as the laughter grew louder, more uncontrollably joyous, our boy flew higher and higher, arms and legs akimbo. The sky and clouds behind him were tinged with pink and purple, pure Michelangelo - or Cecil B. DeMille.

I took the camera from Dave and put in a fresh roll of film. Through the lens, a baby seemed to be falling from the clouds, a gift, a ray of hope. A pair of strong hands reached out to catch him. And for the first time since 9/11, my husband laughed.

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Message edited 9/11/2008 8:58:07 AM.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

oh Chris, it's beautiful. thanks for sharing.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

That brought tears to my eyes.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

Posted by kathleeng

That brought tears to my eyes.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

Posted by kathleeng

That brought tears to my eyes.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

That was beautiful...

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

really great essay

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

That was so beautiful...

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

wow that touched my heart! that was a beautiful essay christina! i did bring a tear to my eye.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

this is perfect as we near the 4th anniversay

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

How bittersweet.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

Wow, that gave me the chills

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

What a great essay!!!

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

ooh my, how wonderful! How hopeful and how utterly inspiring!
Thank you so much for sharing it.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

Wow. That was perfectly written. Sad but hopeful. Thank you for sharing.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

That was so beautiful ~

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

How beautiful...it was written so well

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

for those who didn't get to read this.



i should've actually bumped this yesterday...sorry.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

bump

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

Thank you for sharing.

This is beautiful.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

Thank you so much for this!

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

That is really beautiful!

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

That was beautiful!!!

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

every year i read this, and it makes me hopeful that we will one day heal from the pain.

Re: Here is the essay: (Long, but such a great read!!)

Oh that was beautiful!